Page 214 of The Crown’s Temptation

He fastened his coat and looked at himself in the mirror and thought about Asharin.

He had been thinking about her since breakfast. The way she had looked at him across the table. The way she had said do not disappoint me, Teorin. He had turned those words over approximately forty times since she walked out of the dining hall and he was not finished with them yet.

He would not disappoint her. He would leave Morrath no matter what today.

Something had changed in her. He had felt it, felt the change in the air around her. In the way she moved through a room. Whatever she had been doing these past three days had done something to her and he could not stop thinking about what.

He wanted her badly.

He had always wanted her. But there was a version of wanting her he could manage and a version he could not, and the unmanageable version surfaced when he was weak. He had never been as weak as he had been lately.

But today he was stronger than usual.

Moreover, today was the beginning of whatever had started here. And certain truths, certain outcomes, they were going to require his strength. Colsar, for example. Killing Avaneer, for example. Then anyone else necessary. Maybe even those that were unnecessary.

He had disappointed her so many times. Lies and secrets and half-truths he had buried himself under. But her almost-death had taught him that he could not lose her. Not could not. Would not lose her.

He thought about Eravic. About whatever concoction he had given her. He had been so tired he had not found the time to speak with him. He needed to know what the cost was. There was always a cost. Whatever it was he would pay it for her.

He almost laughed. This version of Asharin would never allow that. No. He would pay it with her.

He thought of Colsar. Of Alarna. Of everyone who would doubt that any of this was real. Part of him sometimes doubted it too, though he knew the doubt came from feeling unworthy. And in truth he was unworthy of her.

He would put his cold exterior on the moment he walked out of here. But he would take it off whenever she needed him to.

Hopefully every night, he thought to himself.

The thought made him aroused and he thought about everything she had promised and everything she had asked him to do and how all of it had been done and this was the start of something new and nobody was going to fuck it up. Especially not anyone in this shithole.

He briefly thought of Nox. Wondered what she was planning. Wondered what she had done to help convince Avaneer to harm Asharin. Jealous bitch, he thought to himself.

A wave of shame came over him then. He thought of the times in her life when he had allowed things to happen. The times he had spied on her from the docks and watched her cry in that cave and watched her nurse bruises and then left, promising himself he would return until days turned into weeks and then years. And when he had finally returned she had almost died too many times to count. Each time he had saved her. But the truth was it should not have happened to begin with.

From now on there would be no more accidents. No more almosts. He would handle things at their source.

He tied the string around his pack, straightened his jacket, and walked out of Darkway Castle toward the mouth of Morrath.

"Finally fucking leaving," he muttered to himself.

It occurred to him, just briefly, that he had not left anyone in his place. The figurehead Axar had left he had long since killed. Teorin did not need a babysitter, he had thought to himself, Or to be spied upon, for that matter.

He closed his eyes to call for his Morraks. Only a few came. They would obey soon enough, he thought. He just needed strength.

He was certain he had figured out the cause of the weakness. It was more than the loss of the marrow. Axar had told him to feed on blood but Axar did not truly understand his origins. Yes, he had inherited his father's feeder traits. But his mother was half Sarenal and half Thren and he had spent his life as a Thren. He had spent most of his life feeding on souls.

He would feed today before he entered Alarna.

So when he was at her side she would see in the end she had chosen the right brother. The strongest brother.

Do not disappoint me.

Never again. He would be where he said he would be, he would do what he said he would do.

He was not going to fuck this up.

He picked up his bag and walked out.

He smelled something familiar as he reached the mouth of Morrath.