Page 66 of Apparently, I’m Torture

Five Years Ago

Chapter 24

Shawn

Wednesday morning

Tristy’s Coffee Shop

Lilly stood across the shop with Karim by her side as he helped her clean tables. I lugged a bag of coffee beans to the counter, mentally choking myself on the way.

What the hell was I thinking? After that study session, there was no way Lilly didn’t know how I felt about her.

I lost control and made a move. While we were supposed to be studying. What part of me thought that’d be an okay thing to do? I couldn’t play it off for laughs, I couldn’t pretend it was something it wasn’t.

I could see it on her face; I freaked her out. And I knew better. She didn’t want me. After she threw Stacey at me, after she started dating Trevor, I should’ve known that by now.

I couldn’t believe, after all this time, that I couldn’t control myself. And if being rejected by Lilly wasn’t bad enough, as if her choosing to leave with Trevor wasn’t bad enough, I acted like a selfish ass. She was already afraid of failing this exam, and I was supposed to help her. She needed my support and I couldn’t give her that.

What the fuck was I thinking?

I never should’ve laid down next to her. I never should’ve touched her. I definitely shouldn’t have made her suck frosting from my finger. Who the fuck does that?

When she showed up at work the next day, she could barely look at me as she said, “I’m so sorry, Shawn. I can’t believe that happened. Oh god, I can’t believe I left you to clean up.”

And at the time, as she buried her face in her hands, all I could do was tell her it was fine, that it didn’t bother me. And what a lie that was. Everything about that night gnawed at me.

Now here I was, over a week later, stifling a groan as I slammed my bag on the wooden surface.

I still regretted it; I did. It fucking hurt to know she really didn’t see me that way. It tore at my insides.

But the feel of her tongue against my fingertip… It felt so good.

If I just pushed her against that wall and kissed her, maybe she would’ve–my cock stirred in my jeans and I axed the thought. I didn’t need to be turned on while serving customers, and I definitely didn’t need to go over this again.

Lilly didn’t want me. She chose Trevor, and I had to accept that.

The door tinkled open and shut. A cute brunette sauntered her way to the counter, and I wracked my brain, trying to remember her. She’d definitely been here before.

I lifted a finger. “Hey, Rosie, right?”

She nodded, her face lighting up. I leaned on the counter as Lilly straightened. I could feel her watching me from across the shop.

“You like caramel macchiatos, am I right?”

She practically beamed as she nodded again, and I stepped behind the machine, firing it up.

Lilly spoke to Karim before scooping up her tray, and left him to finish clearing tables. She pushed her way by the counter, set down the tray, and didn’t look up as she muttered, “She’s cute. Is she your type?”

Was it me, or could I hear a smidge of jealousy? There was definitely an edge to her voice.

I smirked as I leaned over Lilly, aware of Rosie watching us. “Don’t know. I’ll have to find out if she likes pink frosting first.”

Her cheeks flushed as she shot me a glare. “I said I was sorry. You don’t have to rub it in my face.”

She was right. I didn’t know why I was needling her. The best thing I could do right now was stick to the plan and ignore Lilly as much as possible. It wasn’t long until graduation.

Rosie’s face dropped in confusion as the hiss of the coffee machine drowned out our voices. All she could make out was the frustration hanging between Lilly and me.