Page 68 of Apparently, I’m Torture

Jerking my thumb toward the studio, I asked, “Can we talk?”

She bit her bottom lip as she nodded.

Tristan watched us, curiosity painted across his features, as we passed him. I let out a breath and slumped my shoulders as she walked ahead of me, stepping into the studio. My neck, shoulders, back, everything ached. This was mentally and physically draining. Mia was right. We needed to talk. And now that Lilly passed her exam, I had no reason to hold back anymore.

But a big part of me couldn’t believe I was really about to do this.

I rubbed a hand over my face and looked around the now-empty studio. Nikki and Tristan finished their move over a week ago. The only piece they left behind was the red imprint of Nikki’s hands against the bottom of the yellow wallpaper.

Lilly did a turn around the room, maybe to steady herself for what she thought was coming, I didn’t know. But I knew if I didn’t get this out, I’d boil up inside.

She stopped pacing and met my gaze. “What, um, did you want to talk about?”

I swallowed thickly, and my voice came out hoarse. “I have to talk to you about South.”

Her shoulders dropped. “South?”

“I’m not taking the job.”

Her eyes went wide and she drifted closer. “What? Why not?”

“I don’t think I can handle this anymore.”

“What? What can’t you handle?”

“Working with you.”

Her brows raised in surprise. “What are you talking about?”

I breathed in, steadying myself. “Lilly, working with you… this is torture.”

“Torture?” She gazed up at me, looking so confused that I almost wanted to give this up. But I had to do this. “I know I get on your nerves sometimes, but–”

I interrupted her, my voice soft as I said, “Lilly, I need you to understand this. Working with you has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. It’s unbearable. I can’t do it again. I can’t take that job at South Bronx.”

Lilly’s confusion turned to hurt, and my chest closed in on itself. I hated this. I hated it. But I had to do something. I had to end this. I didn’t think I could survive another minute like this.

“But… did I do something? What did I do?” Realization crossed over her face. “This is about the night we studied, isn’t it? I know what I did wasn’t great, but the least you could do is talk to me about it. Let me fix it.”

I shook my head. She was so soft, earnest, sad. Fuck. This was the worst thing I’ve ever had to do. But I had to see it through.

“It’s not about that. Lilly, I just… I don’t want to work with you anymore. Once we graduate, that’s it.”

She stepped closer. “What do you mean that’s it?”

“I mean, I think we shouldn’t talk anymore.”

Her lips parted and a whoosh of air left her lips. “But, why? What did I do? If it’s about that night… just tell me, please.”

She wasn’t getting this. What did I have to do to make her understand this?

“That whole night was a mistake.”

“What?”

“It was a mistake. A big fucking mistake.”

Her green eyes flashed as she said, “Helping me was a mistake?”