Page 45 of My Girlfriend is Not the Father

The words were hard to comprehend. Lucy had a natural warmth to her. To Jade, she seemed like the type of woman who would comfort a crying kid, bring soup to a sick neighbour, or walk out of an animal shelter carrying an armful of elderly cats. Not connecting didn’t seem part of her DNA. ‘Did you ever have your heart broken?’

‘Never.’ Lucy’s hand crept closer. ‘I missed them for a while, but it was more about missing having someone around. Not always missing them. Does that make me sound like the most awful, terrible person ever?’

‘It sounds honest.’

The silence that followed was more comfortable than awkward. Is Lucy bonding with me? Maybe Lucy struggled to connect with people, but this right here, this entire last month, felt like a deep, growing bond. And every second spent with Lucy, or thinking of Lucy, made Jade’s heart and mind dash in totally opposite directions.

The rush Jade got when she and Lucy talked sparked all her dormant cells. But fear seeped in when Jade felt herself opening up. An urge to wrap Lucy in her arms and taste her candy lips elbowed Jade daily. Lucy’s leg muscles loosened beneath Jade’s touch. She was kneading Lucy through the thin dress, but soon Jade’s mind travelled to what was underneath. All she wanted was to hike up the skirt, give her a proper massage, and feel her utterly melt. She swallowed and breathed through her racing pulse.

‘This feels really good,’ Lucy murmured.

‘Good.’ Jade’s fingers stretched, and Lucy wiggled back, her backside nearly flush with Jade. The tiny hairs on Jade’s neck stood on edge, and she wondered if Lucy felt the same charge.

No, stop. She was helping Lucy alleviate pain. Being a friend. Listening. This wasn’t …

Oh shit. Maybe this was. Lucy wiggled back a little more, a soft moan escaping, and inched up her dress. So subtle, it could have been waved away.

But not subtle enough.

Jade added a second hand, her heartbeat pounding through her chest, reaching her neck. Lucy’s soft sigh and quiet stirring wet Jade’s mouth. Lucy tugged up her dress, higher, a few more inches, and shifted. Her ass was now nearly in Jade’s lap, and Jade’s breath hitched. She licked her lips, her fingers aching to touch flesh.

Another tug of her dress, another wiggle, and finally, bare skin flashed under her thumb. Jade swiped the skin, once, twice, and Lucy’s moaned intensified. ‘This feels … amazing.’

Jade didn’t say anything. Half of her wanted to bolt out of this room, still her heartbeat, slow her thoughts. The other part wanted to reach underneath the dress, to inhale Lucy’s scent. She tugged the dress higher, her full hands on Lucy’s bare, silky thigh, the skin so perfect, so smooth under the pads of her fingers.

‘Do you want to touch me?’ Lucy’s voice, low, husky, in a whisper.

‘Yes.’ Jade’s words were breathy. Her pulse thudded in her ears. Her mouth ached. But her heart wasn’t ready. She wanted to, my God she wanted to, but this was more than sex, and she knew it.

‘I want you to touch me.’ Lucy scooted back and hiked her dress up, until the whisper of lace peeked through.

Elevated breaths filled the room. Jade slid her hands higher. It had been so long since she touched someone like this, with intention, with hesitation, and heat rose between her legs. She clenched her thighs. Maybe they should stop, but God, it felt so good to feel the shakes, the urgency running through her veins.

But it wasn’t smart. Not now.

Lucy pushed herself into Jade, reached behind her, and stroked Jade’s thigh. Jade’s pulse moved to her neck and her breaths came heavy. She grazed Lucy’s shoulders and watched greedily as a trail of goose bumps rose on Lucy’s arm. A chill ran through Jade, her hands hungry, her mouth wanting to taste Lucy. She gripped Lucy’s hip and pulled her into her, hard. Jade drank in the sensation of Lucy, burrowing back into her, a moan releasing into the air.

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep! The timer on Lucy’s phone screeched and rattled against the nightstand.

Lucy froze.

Jade froze.

Lucy’s chest rose and fell. She broke contact, and Jade’s skin turned cold. ‘I’m so sorry.’ She slapped the alarm off. ‘I want to … I just don’t think … I mean, with the pregnancy …’

Jade was empty, sad – and still fighting with arousal.

But also, so very relieved. ‘I know.’ Her words were nothing more than a whisper. Her chest felt like it was bound in rope, squeezing out her limited air. A few deep inhales later, she slowed her pulse. She gently tugged Lucy’s dress back down and covered her leg.

Silence filled the room. Jade held still, so did Lucy. So many seconds passed that Jade wondered who’d break first.

Lucy turned, and laid her head on Jade’s lap, her shoulders hunched. Defeated? Jade stroked her hair until her pulse normalised. All of this sucked. Why couldn’t they have met a year from now? Or when they were teens like Mrs Dieterman and her husband, or before she and Elizabeth met? The unfairness of the situation made Jade want to punch the universe in the face and storm off.

Lucy exhaled a shaky breath. ‘Friends?’

Her timid voice was barely about a whisper.

Friends was safe. Friends made sense. Friends hurt a little but was the only logical choice. They couldn’t do this. Maybe someday in the future, maybe not. But for certain, not right now.