Page 81 of My Girlfriend is Not the Father

‘I took a step down from my position at the company, threw out my five-, ten-, and twenty-year plans.’ Elizabeth shifted and held the carrier with both hands. ‘I work fewer hours. I’m no longer tied to climbing the corporate ladder. My values have changed completely. I never prioritised you, I see that now, but now you’d have top priority, alongside Amber.’

The pleading look in Elizabeth’s eyes tore into Jade, and she snapped her gaze away. She kicked a small rock into the street and tried to take a few moments to gather her thoughts. Now was not the time to reiterate that Jade had zero interest in being a parent, that even if she were single, the baby was an absolute, hard no. Jade flicked her tongue against the sticky roof of her mouth and cursed herself for not bringing a water bottle.

‘You never saw me.’ Jade’s voice was a hoarse whisper.

Elizabeth’s head titled like she didn’t hear her. ‘I don’t understand.’

Jade hated the way her insides felt like they were splitting. This is all too much, too vulnerable, too late, and yet Jade needed to purge this from her system. ‘You never saw me. I was a mirror. A reflection. I was there to amplify you and your accomplishments. You never saw me for me.’

Elizabeth’s facial expression didn’t move. And then, suddenly, it cracked. The baby fussed and she rose, shifting her weight between her hips. ‘That’s not true.’ Her tone was dense but not sharp. ‘You never let yourself be seen. I asked you countless times about work, life, dreams, and you’d just shrug and say “fine”. You were always so worried about not being needy that you … I don’t know … over-corrected. You refused to let me in. You refused to let anyone in.’

Oh, no, no, no.

This couldn’t be true. Could it? Jade shook her head, her thoughts swirling and colliding. No, Elizabeth was the one who didn’t give her time and attention. Elizabeth was the one who pushed her dreams onto Jade. Elizabeth was the one who was the star, and Jade the bystander. Right?

Fuzzy memories emerged. Elizabeth asking her about cosmetology school, filling out financial aid papers together, baking a truly terrible chocolate cake when Jade graduated. For every missed anniversary, there was a surprise birthday party. For every quiet dinner conversation, there were thoughtful random gifts, like that vinyl Nirvana record Elizabeth found during a work conference in Portland.

Shit. This was too much. Jade was outside, but somehow she needed more air. She hopped off the bench. Her watch beeped, indicating she needed to return to the salon. But her head was heavy and clouded and she needed to sit somewhere that didn’t smell like baby powder and Elizabeth’s signature Chanel N°5.

And then, the smallest string threaded its way up Jade’s chest and stitched her heart. It took several moments, but everything Jade had been holding in for so long felt like it was set free. Elizabeth’s words had unlocked something buried and indescribable.

‘I have to go back to the salon,’ Jade said.

Elizabeth nodded and remained silent but slung the diaper bag over her shoulder.

A few steps in, Jade stopped, turned around, and put her hand on Elizabeth’s arm. ‘I’m sorry this might not have turned out the way you wanted. But for whatever it’s worth, I think this was something I needed.’ She dropped her hand. ‘I’m really happy you have your baby. I meant what I said in my support letter last year, and I can see it here – you’re a fantastic mom. The kid’s lucky to have you.’

Tears filled Elizabeth’s eyes, and she swiped a lone trickle with her thumb. ‘Take care of yourself, Jade. You deserve all the happiness in the world.’

Elizabeth pivoted and marched away, and Jade stood on the sidewalk biting back tears.

Chapter 32

Lucy

The beep beep of a car locking sounded, and soon footsteps were outside her front door. Lucy’s chest tightened, and she tried to breathe through the tension. After her gut-wrenching last hour with her dad, she wasn’t sure how many more emotional conversations she could handle in one day.

‘It’s open!’ Lucy readjusted herself on the couch and stayed sitting. Getting up and down these last few weeks was no joke. She didn’t know how she would handle two more months of near-immobility.

Jade stepped into the entryway, swiping a chunk of bangs away from her face. ‘Hey.’

‘Hey.’ Lucy tried to read her expression, to brace herself for whatever Jade wanted to say for their talk. Lucy may be relationship-inexperienced, but when anyone – a boss, a co-worker, a friend – said ‘We need to talk’, it was never good.

Sadly, Jade’s face showed nothing except a tired half smile. She toed off her shoes on the mat and inched across the room. Without a word, she curled onto the couch next to Lucy and laid her head on her chest.

Lucy dangled her fingers in Jade’s hair, and she kissed the top of her head. The ticking of the analogue clock and Chucky’s snoring were the only sounds. For every inhale, Lucy’s insides softened. They were going to be okay. This wasn’t the end, and whatever was happening, they’d figure it out together.

‘Elizabeth stopped by today.’ Jade spoke into Lucy’s belly, making no motion to look Lucy in the eye.

Um … come again? Her freaking ex, who lived in a whole other state, just randomly popped by Jade’s place of business? Was she needing some fresh highlights or something? Be cool, be cool. For the ex to stop by, it obviously was something huge.

Jade rarely opened up about her ex. The most she’d ever spoken about the woman was the night Lucy and Jade confirmed they were together, when they bared their souls and secrets. ‘Wow. Okay.’ Say something comforting and kind, not something weird and jealous. ‘What did she want?’

Fail.

Jade draped her arm across Lucy’s lap. ‘It’s a long story, but ultimately she wanted to show off her new baby and see if she and I still had a chance.’

The tightness in Lucy’s chest came fast and fierce, and her breath seized. Oh my God … what? The ex wanted to get back together with Jade? Obviously, because Jade was incredible, but actually get back together? Heat filled Lucy’s chest. Okay, okay. Think. Yes, she and Jade needed to talk and figure stuff out because they’d been so hugely, grossly misaligned lately, but Jade wouldn’t be sitting here, snuggling against her, feeling all warm and cosy if she was going to get back together with Elizabeth, right? ‘Huh.’ Lucy chewed on her lower lip. ‘So, um, what did you say?’