Page 32 of Kingdom Of Veil And Vow

“And I do understand.”

“Understand what?”

He sighs, surprising me when he takes a seat on the ground, boots planting and arms hanging over his widened knees. The pose might look relaxed if it weren’t for the way his fingers lace tightly together in front of him, white flaring at his knuckles. He looks down the corridor, but if Immie is awake she hasn’t moved, and the dungeon is otherwise quiet. His attention moves to his hands and stays there as he speaks, his voice low. “What it is to live without being alive. To move through this world as if you must be a shadow of yourself. To hide behind invisible shields and make yourself appear impervious to the words and wills of others. Impenetrable to the outside.” The quickening of his heartbeat is slight, but noticeable. “I have done horrible things in the name of my own self-interest. Even worse in the name of the king. And because of that, it has been a long, long time since I’ve managed to live in a space that wasn’t occupied by both guilt and”—his eyes lift to meet mine—“fear.”

Folding my arms over my chest, I lean more of my weight onto the leg not injured by the arrow. “What does a man like you have to fear?”

“Many things.” He doesn’t elaborate, instead reaching for the book and leaning forward to place it inside the cell. I arch my brow in question. “I can’t free you. I can’t offer you any other escape than this.”

When he said it before, the words were sharp with irritation. Now they are spoken with a gentler edge. One that propels me towards him, surprising Xander when I take a seat near the front of my cell. Between the bars, I feel him watch me as I turn the book over in my hands. The Sword and The Swan.

“It’s from the princess’s library,” he supplies in my silence. “I hope you haven’t read it.”

“To be fair, I haven’t read any of the books in that tower. Rhea did.” It wasn’t that I couldn’t read in my fox form. It was that it would have been a strange thing for Rhea to see. An inexplicable one. So I hadn’t bothered to try. Told myself I was content with just being her pet. “But I don’t think she ever read this one.”

“Any interest in talking about what you do recall?” he asks, earning my gaze once more. “Our deal still stands. I can tell you now that there hasn’t been a new update on the princess, but I take that as a good thing. It means—”

“That she is still with Flynn in the Mage Kingdom.”

He nods, and some of the tension that was curled into my muscles releases. Still, for all this kindness the guard is showing, I can’t lose sight of the fact that his end goal will always be to serve the king. It’s a vow he gave, the oath running through his blood.

Laying the book in my lap, I tilt my head, my braid sliding over my shoulder. “I may not remember anything of value,” I say. It’s not wholly a lie.

“That’s okay,” he says, lips tugging to the right. “I’m content with whatever you can give me.”

Chapter Twenty-Two: Siyala

“Why don’t you tell me about your magic.”

“You want to know about my magic?” I ask, leaning back and bracing my weight on my hands.

He watches the movement, fingers twitching between his knees. “Not without selfish reasons,” he says, something in my stomach fluttering under his attention. “It might help jog earlier memories.”

Right. I press my lips together, pretending to search for the words I need to explain how my magic works, as if I haven’t spent a damn lifetime wondering about the intricacies of it. Of how it is affected by the blight. How we are beings of two worlds, forced to split time between them both. “It is a strange thing to explain to someone who has never felt magic before. Generally, shifters transform for the first time when they are eight. It is a meaningful time for us, happy for the most part; unless of course, you are stuck with an animal you hate.”

“Do you not get a say in the matter?”

I snort, gesturing my chin towards him. “Did you get a say in the color of your hair? Your eyes or skin?” I smirk at the look he gives me. “Exactly. It is like opening a door and stepping blindly into the room. You have no idea until you do it.”

“What does shifting feel like?”

“Warm,” I answer, chewing on my lower lip. “You might expect it to be painful, but the shift itself happens too quickly to feel anything. The first shift, however, can be intimidating.” I reach for those early memories, grateful that the first time I was introduced to my fox is still cemented in my mind. “My parents kept saying I would know when it was time to shift. That my body would be ready before my mind could second-guess it, and I guess it is true in that sense. I felt it coming and was powerless to stop it.”

“Were you scared?” he asks, his voice sincere.

“No. Nervous, maybe, but there was no fear in it. Like I said, it is a part of ourselves that we yearn for.”

“So you shift and find out that you’re a fox. A white one, at that.”

I point to pale strands of my hair. “Again, not much of a choice.”

“Did it please you?”

I scour his face, the smile on my own slipping. “That I was a fox? Yes. It made my parents happy too. I’ll never forget the first moment I set eyes on them in that form. They were so much clearer, so much more in focus. It was like I had been seeing them through a veil, and then, suddenly, they were brighter. More vivid. And they were looking at me with such awe, as if this wasn’t just a normal part of being a shifter. Like they hadn’t experienced the same thing with my older brother and sister.” Thoughts of my family—and of what still awaits me in Honna—are not subjects I want to explore right now, so I change the topic, tipping my head to the side as I look back up at Xander. “What happened to your side?”

Eyebrows rising, he lays a hand over the wound. “How did you know?”

“I saw it when you first arrived. Your tunic lifted as you were taking off your satchel.” At the look he sends me, I roll my eyes. “Do not flatter yourself. It was hard to look anywhere else when you take up so much space.” He makes a choked noise that somehow only manages to force heat to crawl up my neck, flaring in my cheeks as I huff an exasperated breath. “Just answer the damn question.”