Page 64 of Kingdom Of Veil And Vow

“It’s understandable. You went through a lot tonight.” More than she should have. My fingers curl in towards my palms. “I’m sorry,” I say again, the sentiment feeling hollow.

She leans her temple against the wall, her lids drooping slightly as she stares not at me but at a nondescript point on my chest. “Remember how I told you that shifter magic, when you stay in one form for too long, can make you go mad? It happened to my father. He shifted into his mortal form when I was a child and was never able to shift back. At first, it didn’t seem to bother him. When I was child, I only ever saw him as happy. Positive.” Her eyes fall closed, and the corners of her mouth lift into a small smile. “He was so proud when I shifted for the first time, when it was revealed that my animal was a little fox. But by then, it had already been years since his last shift, and looking back, I can see that there were signs that it was beginning to take a real toll on him. My mother was so in love with him that it blinded her to the reality of what was unfolding before us. He was all but dying, and she refused to see it. So did he.” Her eyes open again, and her mouth flattens. “But Kenji saw.”

She says that name as if it is a curse, one that she shouldn’t dare to speak too loudly. “Who is that?”

“He was an ever-present fixture in my life as a child, like an uncle except there was no blood between us. Just friendship with my father that dated back to when they were boys. But as my father began to deteriorate, Kenji took on more and more in the name of helping our family. My siblings had moved out of the house and were working to support not only themselves but me and our mother as well. When my father disappeared, she spent all of her time searching the capital for him. It often meant I was alone with Kenji, and at the time, I craved that one-on-one attention desperately. Everything in my life was chaos, but Kenji, he would take me on walks in the jungle. Would point out the flowers and the berries and share his knowledge of all the ways they could be used and harvested.”

Siyala opens her eyes, and I blink my own at the shame that I see brimming in them. Refocusing on that point at my chest, she takes a deep breath before continuing.

“I had just turned sixteen and was planning on leaving the island temporarily, and I told Kenji because I considered him a friend.” She shakes her head, the admonishment making me ache to reach out and grab her hand. “He was so angry at the prospect of me leaving, and I didn’t understand it then. Didn’t recognize the danger that was so evident in the way that he held his body. In how he was looking at me.” A muscle in my jaw flutters, and I hope to all the gods above that I’m wrong about where this story is heading. “But I trusted him, so I told him everything. I just wanted space away from what my life had become. The guilt of feeling like I needed more than either of my parents could provide. Of feeling jealous that my mother would have rather spent her time looking for the husband that abandoned her rather than raising the daughter that was right there. I was running,” she whispers, chest rising and then falling harshly. “For better or worse, I was running, and it was the night before I was supposed to leave when Kenji invited me over under the guise of saying goodbye. Like a fool, I went.”

“You are no fool, Siyala.”

She continues as if she didn’t hear me. “He served a drink tainted with the very berries he taught me about as a child. Ones that act just like gelsemium. When I woke, I was bound and on his bed. He told me that he had invested years into my growth and that he was now owed for his hard work.” Tears fall from the corners of her eyes, and my nails bite harshly into my palms. “How the rest of the evening was spent, you can probably imagine.” Her tone is detached, as if she is reading text from a book and not talking about her assault.

I take the time to make sure my voice will come out steady when I ask, “How did you get away?”

She sighs and shrugs a shoulder. “I don’t know if he didn’t dose me as high as he thought or if it was the work of the gods having mercy on me, but by the time he was finally finished and had fallen asleep, the effects of the berry were gone. I was able to slip away with nothing but the clothes I managed to grab and then I ran into the jungle. I couldn’t shift, not when I knew that meant losing my clothes, so I ran as fast as I could in my mortal form, looking over my shoulder every few feet. Sure he would be chasing me. But I made it to the first ship that was set to leave. You know the rest of the story from there.”

Being chased at the docks. Crossing the Spell. Locked in the tower and then caught during her escape. The torture. The cell. The commander. Gods, Siyala deserved so much better than this life had given her. This female before me is so much stronger than I ever realized, and she has more than earned a life free to do whatever she wants. Uncurling my fingers, I lay my hand over my thigh, palm facing the ceiling in invitation. She can take it or not. I certainly wouldn’t blame her if the touch of a man on her perfect skin is something she never wants to feel again. Her eyes fall to my lap, and then, slowly, she extends her hand to lay in mine, twining our fingers together.

She examines where we connect, watching as my thumb gently sweeps over the knuckle of her first finger. “I tell you this not to earn your pity—”

“I do not pity you—”

“—or to earn your sympathy or trust but so that you might understand why I did what I did. Why I kissed you as a way to try and earn my freedom. It wasn’t that I wanted to—” She cringes, eyes flying to mine. “I did want to kiss you.” Heat rises to both of our cheeks, my hand rubbing at the back of my neck. Siyala blows out a breath, gathering her thoughts. “What I mean to say is that I assumed, incorrectly, that despite the kindness you showed me, you still could only want me for one thing, and I figured, if that were the case, I would use it to my advantage.” Her fingers tighten around my own. “I am sorry, Xander. For using you in that way. And, selfishly, I am sorry that the memory of our kiss is tainted with my deception. Because the truth is, I hadn’t realized just how much I wanted to feel your lips against mine until the moment it happened, and then I faltered because of it.” A soft glow highlights her golden eyes, their color stark against the pale strands of hair lying across her cheek. “In that moment, I wasn’t thinking about escaping. I was only thinking about you.”

Chapter Thirty-Nine: Xander

When Siyala asked if she could lay her head on my chest following her confession, there was no force in this realm or any other that could have gotten me to say “no.” Gathering her up in my arms felt strangely instinctual, the fitting of a key in a lock that had previously been abandoned. It is my favorite rhythm. Fuck if that wasn’t going to replay in my head for a long time. But even as the rightness of her laying over me settled in, so did an impermeable sadness. She would have to leave, return back to the place that had caused her so much pain, and I would have to let her go.

She could handle anything. Of that, I have no doubt. She’d proven her strength time and time again. But I know what it is to walk through life every day as if you are navigating a battlefield, and I am no stranger to the loneliness that often accompanies that journey. Her lips part with a soft breath, the cadence of her breathing signifying that she’s fallen into a deep sleep, and though I have a dead body to clean up and a king to appease, I surrender to the way she feels against me. How she laid her worries at my feet, even if it’s just for tonight. Shutting my eyes, I breathe in her soft, floral scent, brand it to memory. And with a reluctant sigh, I plan the details of her escape.

The gasps that follow me as I stride towards the throne room are warranted—expected, even—but they still pelt against me like stones flung at my back. I could have chosen a more subtle way to go about this, but with King Dolian’s mind so focused on Princess Rhea—and the apparent lie that she is dead—I need something that will get his attention immediately. And I need to send a message to Simon.

He knew what Commander Miles had planned, and he taunted me with that knowledge, likely assuming I wouldn’t get to Siyala in time. There are ramifications to him knowing that I did, but I have no doubt he will keep them to himself. After all, he had gone directly against the king’s command in the hope that Miles might feed him information from Siyala that spoke to one of two facts: either I also received that information and was withholding it or I was giving her special treatment. Just like I was with Immie.

It had been a slip up, a diversion from my plans. A rule broken, and it nearly cost everything. But as I reach the double doors to the throne room and push them open, ignoring the protests of both Brisk and the guard standing opposite him, I decide that for Siyala, I’d break every rule. Even my own.

King Dolian stands on the dais, an arm draped along the back of his gold throne, the rubies glimmering brightly in the sunlight that streams through the nearby wall of windows. His brows raise as he takes me in, the crown on his head making him appear taller. “Xander,” he drawls, words cut short when I toss Miles’s bloody body down at the base of the steps.

Dropping to a knee, I pound my fist to my chest. “Your Majesty,” I greet, waiting a few seconds before looking up at him. “I bring you the gift of a traitor exposed.”

Movement to the right draws my attention as Simon strides my way, Jerrick at his side. At my left, Silas and Von move in as well, hands resting on the hilts of their swords. The king’s eyes shine with curiosity as he jerks his chin in command for me to stand.

“Treachery is a strong accusation, Xander,” Simon says, clasping his hands behind his back. “Surely, you must be mistaken.”

“I went to further interrogate the shifter after our enlightening conversation at dinner,” I tell him, enjoying the way his facade slips. He glances to the king and then back at me, eyes narrowed. “And there, I found Commander Miles opening up the remaining prisoners’ cells, including that of the shifter.”

King Dolian descends the steps, coming to a stop on the other side of the commander’s body. “What would compel him to do such a thing?” he asks, though the question feels like formality. As if he’s already bored by the answer.

I shrug, acting as if I’m unbothered. I guess I truly am. Miles deserved a painful death. “Perhaps he was jealous he had not been promoted sooner, angry at you for drawing the process out. He didn’t give me an excuse before I struck him down.”

“A most unfortunate thing,” Simon sneers.

“We don’t have time to worry about traitors among us,” King Dolian says in response, and Simon lowers his head in apology. “Whether it is as Xander says or the guard simply felt like getting some energy out, the fact remains that Commander Miles could not hold his own.” Hazel eyes snap to mine, and I cringe internally as pride flashes over his face.

Long ago, I might have craved such a look from him. Now, I endure it as I wait to see if the risk I’ve taken will pay off.