Page 72 of Kingdom Of Veil And Vow

My chin drops to my chest, the guilt coiled there heavy. And I had ruined it. “I’m so sorry, Xander,” I say through the tightening of my throat.

“I didn’t tell you that to make you feel bad, Siyala. I know your intentions were not the same.”

“No, but it hurt you anyway, and that was never my intention.” He lifts a brow, and I huff out an incredulous breath. “Fine. Maybe, at one point, it was my intention, but I meant what I said.” I shift closer, my knee pressing against his thigh. “I was not thinking about escaping when I— When our— When we—” Flustered, I drag a hand down my face. “What I am trying to say is that I am not unaffected by you either. And you can’t even begin to imagine how frustrating that is.”

That earns me a chuckle, and I’m grateful when the darkness surrounding him lifts just slightly. “I think I can.”

Biting my lip, I drag my canine over it, Xander tracking the movement. I can see the want in his eyes, in the way his hand inches closer to mine on the bed one miniscule movement at a time. But what had been done to Xander, what his own father orchestrated…

I slide my pinky over his, the small contact somehow feeling more monumental. I hold his gaze, thinking not of the memories that plague me or the failures that haunt me but only of him. “You feel real to me too.”

Chapter Forty-Four: Xander

Leaning a hand on the polished stone wall of the shower, I let the hot water run over my back. Under the weight of Siyala’s words—under the honesty of those amber eyes—I had felt overwhelmed and retreated to the shower like a coward. I want her, gods above and below do I want her, but fear holds me in a tight noose, reminding me of everything that could go wrong. Of everything that already has. And Siyala has demons of her own, her history as torturous as mine. No one will ever take something that is yours again. I meant those words, and I would not be the one to compromise them.

Decision made, I finish my shower and dry off, pulling half of my hair back into a bun before slipping on a pair of gray sleeping pants and a white undershirt. Steam flows from the bathroom and into my room, where I find Siyala standing at the side of the bed. In one of my tunics. Only my tunic.

“I grabbed this while you were showering,” she says, gesturing to the black oversized shirt, the sleeves scrunched up her elbows while the top few buttons are left undone.

Warmth blooms low, my blood moving south as I stare at where the hem grazes her upper thigh, the rest of her bare beneath it. I spot the already scabbed scars left over from Miles and grit my teeth together, wishing I could kill the bastard again.

“Is that alright?”

Forcing my eyes to move up her body again, I finally meet her gaze with a single nod. “More than alright.”

She grins, reaching up to loosen the strands of her snow-white hair from its braid. “You flatter me,” she says under her breath, just loud enough for me to hear above the beating of my own heart. Breathing feels impossibly difficult.

“How so?”

Her smile grows as she runs her fingers through her hair, shaking it loose so that it spills over her shoulders. “The way you look at me.” She takes a small step towards me, fingers playing with one of the buttons on the front of the tunic.

“How do I look at you?” I ask, trying to remind myself of the decision I just made in the shower.

“Like you can’t get enough,” she whispers, a faint ring of gold glowing just around her irises.

I’m acutely aware of the shape of her bare legs. The fanning of her dark lashes and the fullness of her lips. It’s like I’m trapped under a different magic, one that makes it impossible to look away from her.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” I rasp out before I think better of it. And I don’t deserve to touch you. The sentiment nearly knocks me a step back, but Siyala is there, her hands resting on my chest. “Siyala—”

“This is real,” she says, part statement and part question, the glow of her eyes entirely mesmerizing.

“You don’t have to do this.” I don’t want to be another painful memory for her. A regret.

“This is real,” she repeats, this time with undeniable conviction.

It takes a second for my brain to catch up, for my hands to find the soft divot of her waist as my fingers spread over her hips. Lifting onto her toes, she leans into me, the sweet scent of her filling me with a desire so strong, it’s nearly painful. My cock twitches against her, the involuntary movement making her eyelids flutter. Despite how she is looking at me, I still pause, not wanting to cross a boundary with her unless she is absolutely sure.

“Xander,” she breathes, the hitch in her voice nearly undoing me right here and now. “Please.”

Leaning down, I drag my nose against hers, my satisfaction growing at the way her lips part in preparation to meet mine. At how her fingers grip my shirt more tightly and she leans into me like I might be the only thing keeping her anchored here. “Real,” I say against her mouth before I claim it.

Unlike the first time we kissed, there is no hesitation. Her tongue presses at the seam of my lips, and I greedily let her in, sucking it farther into my mouth and earning a low moan from her. I let one of my hands rise to tangle into those perfect strands, cradling the back of her head as I press her in even closer, fusing our mouths together as if she is the only sustenance I need. But she’s just as eager, her tongue lapping against my own, her hands sliding from my chest and up my neck, diving into my hair.

This want of her is contradictory to everything that I’ve spent most of my life fighting for, and still, as I slip my mouth off of hers to travel over the curve of her jaw to her neck, tasting her in the way I have dreamed about, nothing has ever felt so right.

“Xander,” she rasps, pressing her hips forward, “I need more.”

My heart pounds viciously in my chest as I walk her back towards the bed, dragging my teeth over the space where her neck meets her shoulder. I am rewarded with a sound that’s crossed between a whimper and a gasp. We fall onto the bed seamlessly, Siyala beneath me while I brace my weight on my forearms. Her eyes search mine before whatever she sees has her dragging my mouth back to hers, fire licking a trail all the way down my spine and straight to my cock. Gods, I could come just from this. Just from the way she devours me wholly with her tongue.