Page 43 of Melt His Heart

“No, your prize is for you to fucking live a little, to let go, you deserve it, Julian. What’s wrong with that?” He breaths.

I don’t say anything because I don’t know what to say. Everything is wrong with that. It’s all wrong. But what if he’s right? These last few weeks have been really nice, and if we both feel the same way. What is wrong with that? Why does it feel like I’m at a cliff and he’s telling me to jump?

“Here, let me show how good it can feel.” He crowds over my body, and I step back until my back is flush with the lockers. Until all I can smell is his smoked cherry cologne. Until all I can feel is the warmth of his skin.

He’s suffocating me, and I’m ok with it this time.

“Can I?” He says softly, gazing down at me, his breath ghosting over my lips.

I don’t know if he’s asking or pleading.

I feel the tinge of panic seeping into my nerves the closer he gets, but I can let go. I can. The urge to run away, snuffed out by how he feels like everything to me right now.

So, I just nod, my eyes fluttering shut as his lips press against mine, they’re so warm and plush just like I imagined, more than. I feel like the room has disappeared around us into nothing. As if our lips meeting takes us both to an entirely different place, away from this world.

So, this is what a silent mind feels like.

I didn’t think anything would ever feel better than kissing a gold medal. Yet Carson’s kiss is igniting something in me I didn’t even know was there as he begins to move his mouth against mine. I don’t know what I’m doing, so I try to mimic him and match his rhythm like I’ve seen in movies.

He wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me flush against his hard body, onto my toes. Carson does something with his tongue that makes me whimper into his mouth, causing him to pull back. He looks like he’s fighting against something he really wants. I feel so drunk, I almost want to give it to him. I don’t even know what it is.

“You deserve this, even if you didn’t win, you know that, right?” He whispers over my lips.

“Carson..” I whine as he goes in for a quick and softer kiss, “I won’t lie, I need to make you mine.” He says.

“But, how about we just take things slow. As slow as you need.” His words feel like feathers dancing across my lips, “Just don’t run away from me.”

“Ok,” I mutter softly, tilting my chin up, hoping for another taste of him.

“You’re so fucking cute.” He says against my lips.

* * *

I’ve gotten back in my usual training routine, needing to play catch-up as the world championships loom over my head. Me being away for some time isn’t helping. But I must be honest, thinking about that kiss has me gliding across the ice like a swan. Me and Carson are not dating. Definitely not. But whatever this is, I’m between scared to death and wanting to jump him every time I see him. He’s not really been any help because though we haven’t kissed since the first time, every time we cross paths as he and his team are leaving the ice, he sends an air kiss my way. Teasing me.

Besides that, I’ve also decided to start sports counseling. It’s not something I ever thought I would need, but I felt maybe it’s time I face the things I’m struggling with. Though there’s still some reluctance, I know it’s for the better.

Me and Dr. Chen are finishing up a session now. I watch the sun set behind her; the office has an amazing view with floor-to-ceiling windows. But she still manages to make it cozy with lots of warm and earthy colors and plants. I always want to take a quick nap when I visit, especially if I’m coming after a long practice. It’s peaceful here.

“Well, is there anything else you’d like to talk about before we wrap up?”

“I don’t think so right now, nothing that wouldn’t take another two hours.” I smile, picking the lint off my pants.

“I would say it’s ok if it does, but it’s time to feed my rabbits.”

“You have rabbits?” I chuckle, pinching my brows.

“Yeah, George and Molly.”

“Holly and Molly,” I say, and we both laugh.

“Alright, well, I’ll see you next week, ok? And listen as the competition nears, I want you to remember what we’re working towards.”

The first project being me linking my self-worth to how well I do on the ice, and I don’t feel as bad since she told me that it’s common among athletes.

“Yes, I’ll keep working on it. Thank you, Dr. Chen.”

“Just Holly is fine, Julian. And of course.” She smiles.