Page 63 of To Love the Stars too Fondly

Amy hummed in approval. “Not many people would drop everything to help their ex.”

My heart ached in that awful, familiar way. “I know.”

Alex returned with the items in hand, plus a bag of microwavable frozen peas. “For your hand,” she said, and she proceeded to check out.

As she did, I smiled at my unexpected guardian. “Thank you, Amy. For everything.”

“Take care, okay?”

I nodded. We left the drug store.

Alex led me to a grimy stone bench, where she began doting on my hand. “Take this,” she said, handing me a single pill. Then, she wrapped my hand with all the care she’d put into our session at the gym, her calloused fingers tender and mild. “Next time, you’re better off punching with the palm of your hand.”

“I don’t know if I’d survive a ‘next time’, but thanks.”

Alex paused, wincing slightly. “What happened?”

I heaved a breath, determined to ward off any fickle tears. “Cliff found my apartment. He wanted to extort you for money. Unfortunately, he figured out we’d broken up.” I shrugged even as my hands trembled at the memory. “He basically kidnapped me. He was going to sell me to some guy he owes money to but talked himself into admitting he still loved me. Pulled into a parking lot. Tried to rape me. I punched him and somehow got away.”

I forced a smile. It nearly felt like a nightmare, yet my hand was a testament to its truth.

To my surprise, Alex stood. “Put the peas on your hand. I’m going to make a call,” she said, an odd tension in her voice.

I remained on the bench as she took a few steps away, her voice lowered when she spoke into the receiver. But I heard my name, and I heard a few keywords. She recounted my story, though to whom, I didn’t know.

I didn’t actually care.

Alone, I wrapped my free arm around myself, heartbroken at the sudden wash of safety. I was safe, but this wouldn’t last forever. I was with Alex, but not for long.

The breeze picked up, and I shivered in my comfy t-shirt, a sight for sore eyes indeed. Soon, Alex returned, and I gasped when she put her jacket around my shoulders. She looked so lost, yet determined all at once. “This will never happen again, I swear it.”

I believed her, somehow. Everything she said, I ate hook, line, and sinker. “Is my mom safe?”

“She is.” Alex smiled with no humor, perhaps even a wince as she sat down beside me. “Chiara is hardly subtle. I asked her to watch your apartment; she is, instead, in your apartment, with your mother, and now your mother knows everything. Sorry.”

I shrugged, actually rather relieved. “Better she hear it from her than me.”

“How’s your hand?”

I removed it from beneath the frozen peas. “Better than before.”

“Good.” She paused, looking uncomfortable as she wrung her hands together. “Terra, what I said when we broke up, about you and your standards…that was really messed up. I’m sorry.”

“It was pretty messed up, yeah,” I replied. “But it only hurt because it was kinda true.”

“True or false, it was vile. I’m so sorry. In case it needs to be said, I don’t care who you’ve had sex with. I have no room to talk. And I don’t care that you’re bisexual, if that needs to be said too.”

The silence lingered like fog. I struggled to correct her, but truth was truth. “I’m not bi. I hated every single one of those hook-ups, but not as much as I hated myself for not knowing how to say no anymore. I was proud to be a lesbian before…everything. With El. Since you already know. I’m working on being proud of it again, instead of afraid.” I shrugged, sniffing to ward off my threatened tears. “Trauma really takes everything from you. I’ve been a shell for so long. It kinda sucks how much you helped me be myself again.”

“And it kinda sucks that I did lie to you, in a way. Not telling you that I knew about El and everything.”

“There’s not really a graceful way to say it,” I said, some bitterness escaping with the words. “‘Hey, wanna get coffee—by the way, I know you were gang raped after watching your girlfriend get shot.’ It’s not exactly something you bring up on a first date.”

Alex at least had the decency to look stunned. “I didn’t know you were gang raped.”

“Oh.” I gulped, feeling the weight of the conversation shift. The worst sort of chuckle escaped my lips, my nerves alight. “Surprise.”

I gasped when Alex’s arms appeared around me, holding me close. She shuddered as she stroked my hair. “I’m so sorry.”