Page 68 of Catnapped

All I would have to do to earn a disowning was show up, something that would happen at Christmas, along with a congregation of angels, devils, the Devil, a snow leopard, and whomever else happened to swing by to witness at catastrophe of a dinner. “We just need to stop dancing around, and I’m bad at this. Lucifer won’t show me how to become human again.”

“There is a good reason for that. You’re still burning through a lot of devilish, demonic, and holy energy. Your human form wouldn’t tolerate it well. You should stay as you are for at least a few days. Transforming will be a matter of envisioning the form you wish to take. You’ll be able to take on almost any form you wish. Just visualize what you want to be. Your natural human form will be the easiest for you to shift through. I suspect Lucifer is blocking you from transforming to preserve your health. He likes to think he’s clever.”

“Yes, he does.” I turned my ears back at being tricked by Lucifer yet again. “He was implying Darian would be required to transform back.”

“I’m okay with this general development. I can go fetch the bridle, add some ribbons, and show you off to make it clear how spectacular you are.”

“Darlene has gotten to you, hasn’t she?” I accused, well aware the wily snow leopard would do far more than coerce a devilish general to get what she wanted.

“I value my life and wish to see the birth of my next child,” he informed me in a solemn tone. “That I get to match my son with a good woman only makes me more inclined to cater to Darlene’s wishes on this matter.”

“I can’t blame you for doing what Darlene wants. She can be vicious when she decides to be.” As I didn’t want to dwell on what Darlene would do if she didn’t get her way, I turned my focus on the next important thing on my list. “How is Mr. Flooferson the Magnificent getting on with Darian?”

“Your feline keeps looking for you, as your scent is everywhere due to the rather shameful number of panties my son has gotten his hands on. I tried to tell him the panties worked better when the woman is wearing them, but now my son is even more annoyed with me than he usually is. When I left, he was talking to your cat, trying to convince the furry beast they’d have to share you. That was going about as well as you might expect.”

“Obviously, I must go rescue my cat. Lead the way, Belial. Lucifer will be busy, and it’s not like you can’t sneak me out of this place if you really want to.”

“Did you not want to see the conservatory?”

“I want my cat, Belial. And I’ll do you a favor and steal your son while I’m reclaiming what is rightfully mine. He’ll just have to take a raincheck on being dragged to a lair.”

Seventeen

“My work ethic is lethal?”

Belial guided me across the wastelands of the Devil’s chosen layer of his many hells, and he taught me the more permanent landmarks.

The places where crystals grew served as guideposts for travelers, and the colors of the gemstone spears mattered. Red led to Lucifer’s sanctuary. Clear stones pointed towards the nearest nexus, which we would use to return to the mortal coil until I could be taught how to safely teleport.

I discovered one of the advantages of my new form along the way. Whenever the footing seemed uncertain or the ground shifted beneath my hooves, my body adapted to the terrain. Claws formed when I required them for traction. In the case of fast-flowing lava, my hooves developed cushions of air, which allowed me to trot over the pools without getting wet. The air amused me, and once on solid ground, I lifted a leg trying to figure out how my hooves could generate enough wind to hold up my body. “Lucifer may be a jerk sometimes, but he uses his powers of evil in interesting ways.”

“He made you rather durable, as he would not be able to readily replace you. You’re a favorite person of his, and he takes that seriously. The environment here can be brutal, and he made you to best adapt to it. You’ll be able to handle the icy layers just as easily. He made you a lethal beauty, which is reflection of your work ethic.”

“My work ethic is lethal?”

“For your emotional health, yes.”

Damn. Darian’s father didn’t hold back when he went after somebody. “I would think my tendency to pursue forbidden lore and magic would be more lethal than my work ethic.”

“The difference is simple. Lucifer wanted you meddling in such magics so he could make you his. Your work ethic will be refined so that you maintain your current standards while on the job, but that you have a life outside of work.”

“I’m sensing a pot meeting kettle situation I will have to discuss with Lucifer.”

“Darlene is very good at making sure he plays as much as he works, so don’t you worry about that. He created her for that purpose, after all. Cats are as cats are, and all work and no play makes for a very cranky kitty.”

That I could believe. “I will make sure to negotiate an appropriate amount of time off when I get around to the job interview. It helps knowing I already have the job and can just take the Devil for all he’s worth.”

“I expect that will happen as soon as Lucifer realizes you’ve given him the slip, which will be shortly after I take you to my boy. Just bite his hair and drag him off. You can pick just about anywhere here for your lair, although I recommend you take the crystal lake. It’s an excellent place for one such as yourself, and it’s a short trot over to the manor. It’s one of the permanent landmarks, and it’s seawater, so Malcolm is close to his element, so you’ll see him and Kanika often, as she drags him over to recharge. And having other equines nearby will be good for him.”

“I feel like this was an elaborate ruse to make Malcolm more comfortable.”

“Lucifer does enjoy when he can accomplish many things with a singular act of evil.” Belial pointed at a dark hole in the ground. “The nexus is in there. Now that you’ve seen the entry, it’ll be easier for you to find. I’m not patient enough to wait the hours for you to figure out how to use the crystals within to teleport to where you want to go, so I’m going to teleport you to my home, where my son attempts to learn how to summon you. Badly. So badly. So very badly. He’ll discover he’s excellent at summoning your lingerie, but summoning you is far outside of his reach. Once he figures out the knack of it, I fear he’ll summon your lingerie right off of you, because he is my son and he enjoys pulling tricks when he can. I recommend you ward your undergarments on the days you don’t want him summoning them right off you.”

Life had new perils, ones I appreciated. Did they count as perils if I looked forward to discovering how far Darian would go to get me out of my panties? I needed to dedicate some serious time thinking about the various ways I could encourage him on his quest to master panty summoning. “Is there a reason I can’t just summon him here and drag him off?”

“Beyond upsetting his mother, who is trying very hard to teach him the arts of summoning, no. There’s no reason you can’t summon him here and drag him off. He might have enough hair for you to bite. You could also nab him by his collar, I suppose. Lucifer sometimes drags Darlene off by her hair when he’s in a mood. The struggle is entertaining. I’m sure you’ll embrace your darker nature in time. He is my son, so I’m sure he will enjoy whatever you decide to do to him.”

“The archangel might be an issue.”