Page 72 of The Virgin Playboy

“Fuck, yes. Please don’t stop.”

“I love it when I leave this pussy a dripping mess. God damn you feel so fucking good, ugh! I'm about to come,” he announced, losing himself inside me. I wish I could say it ended there, but by the morning he was face deep between my legs, drenching his tongue in the mess he’d made of me last night.

“Mmm, right there, Graham. Eat this fucking pussy,” I moaned. A worthy ten-minute effort turned into another tumble, as he mounted me from behind. Only this time gentler and lazier; the best kind of sex after a rough and wild night.

One of the worst things I taught him was how to last long, raw. He could have gotten me there in five minutes but for the time being he took his time with me, making me feel him inch for inch, thrust for thrust. With time, we ended on my side, sharing the pleasure of looking into each other's eyes, curiosity and relief, adorning his beautiful features.

I don't know how we timed it that way, but it was like our climaxes synced, providing us the honor of witnessing and sharing bliss at the same time. Those three final thrusts, he drove deep, leaning in for a kiss that made it as emotionally rewarding as it had been, pleasure-wise.

This man’s sex game was amazing. It took a while for us to come down, for good reason. He had worn my ass out, and I'm sure after something that good, he needed a breather. But the protective bubble burst the moment he slipped back into his boxer briefs.

“Hope that was fun,” he smiled, but it wasn’t warm like before.

“Graham, how can you even ask that?” I laughed. “I’m literally glued to the mattress.”

“Just wanted to be sure. I've been struggling with that lately. Not being very sure of myself. Honestly, I'm not sure of anything anymore,” he lamented.

“I hope it isn't because of me.” I grabbed at my covers.

“I wish I could say it wasn't. It’d be a lie, though. But don't worry about me, Jaq. I'll be okay.”

“Graham, it feels like you regret coming here.”

“I can never regret being with you in this way,” he admitted. “But I did have a selfish reason for coming over.”

“Like what?”

“To prove to myself that I was over you,” he forced a smile. “And now I know that I'm not. I figured if I could do the casual sex thing with you one last time, maybe I could be with someone else like this. Now I'm not sure sex with you has ever been casual for me. But when it comes to you, it’s all I can handle,” he crooned.

“Graham, this if this is about our breakup, I don’t know how to express how sorry I was. How sorry I still am.”

“Jaq, don't apologize. You didn't do anything wrong. We entered a casual relationship. You told me that was all you can give. I was just a fool for wanting more. It's not your fault I caught feelings. It just is what it is,” he shrugged.

“I’m just sorry how much my actions have hurt you. That's my biggest regret when it comes to us. It was never about wanting to lose you. Just knowing I couldn’t give you the things you wanted.”

“I mean it did hurt. Honestly, it still hurts…” he faked a smile. “But I told you, I'm a big boy. I learned a lot from this experience. I learned about myself, and I owe that to you. And now I have closure sex, not a bad way to leave things.”

“You're making it sound like you're saying goodbye. Like there's no hope in maintaining a friendship after this. Do you think we could ever be what we were?” I asked, desperate. Tears stained Graham's cheeks, desperately trying to pretend that he wasn't hurting.

“I don't know⁠—”

“You don't know?”

“Jaq, you dumped me a week before my dad died⁠—”

“And I'll never forgive myself, Graham.”

“I just…needed you. And you left. And I couldn't even be mad, because I knew that was all you could give,” he sniffled, wiping away his tears as he smiled through his pain. “I wish we could be friends. Maybe one day we can be. I still love you as a friend. I'm ashamed to admit I still love you as more. Until I can conquer this hole in my fucking soul from the hurt your absence brought at my lowest time, I just don't see that happening.

Which sucks, because I did value our friendship. You never shamed me or made me feel like less than, as I was learning about myself. It was why I fell in love with you. Your presence. Your sense of humor. Your smile. Your wit. My God, your body. But I'm not over you, and until I am, nights like last night or this morning are just going to keep happening. And as long as they keep happening, they'll always give me hope. But this…this is the best I’ll ever get from you.” It torn me in two to hear he’d had so little faith in me not to hurt him. Care for him. To love him. It hadn't just been sex for a really long time, but he couldn't see it as more, and that was my fault.

“Not that it matters,” he said, as he reached for the clothes on the floor he’d taken off.

“I’ve decided that after graduation, I’m moving back to New Zealand. So, you'll be rid of me for good. No more awkward run-ins,” he faked a smile.

“Honestly, I should have gone back years ago. I’ve been gone so long, I was thinking of making the move permanent. But I want you to know that your time in my life has changed me. In a perfect world, we could have been…I don’t know, maybe I would have been content being more than friends, less than lovers. But I would have be trying to be what I’m not, and that’s the very reason you broke up with me and I never want you to feel that way if I ever did that to you. And if it's worth anything, I never expected you to be my everything. But everything felt like nothing without you in it. I wish you the best, Jaq. You really do deserve it,” he ended, leaning in to kiss me on the forehead, as I watched him exit my bedroom, turning back once to offer a wholesome wave.

I sat there still, and it was like my world had stopped. In New Zealand I’d made the worst decision to leave, and I was going to spend my whole life regretting pushing away the one person who was made for me. All because I couldn’t get past my past pain.