Page 7 of Reforming the Rakish Marquess

Juliana tossed and turned in her bed all night. She hadn’t had such a restless evening of sleep since the first few weeks of accepting her widowhood after Edward’s passing. She should have been weary and exhausted after dancing all evening. There wasn’t a single dance where she didn’t have a partner. None were quite so bold as the baron, but she knew the men were assessing her to determine if there would be potential for something more than a friendly dance.

What kept her up was how much she longed to know what a gentleman of experience could offer her. She scared herself with the intensity building within her. There were nights during her marriage when she had lain in bed and wished that Edward might have taken an interest in siring a child, if only so she could know what such things might be like. They had decided to wait for a couple of years into their marriage, but he was taken before they had the chance.

When Edward passed, she pushed those thoughts aside, and now they returned with an intensity she hadn’t experienced before. It seemed she had many options to experience wicked, carnal pleasures, but who could she trust? She wouldn’t want such an arrangement to become known among the ton, and perhaps not even among her friends.

Her thoughts drifted to Jude. If his reputation was even half what the gossip sheets indicated, he would be a prime candidate to teach her the art of pleasure and how to claim it for herself.

She shook off the notion. She was utterly mad. Jude would never entertain such a notion with her. He was adamant in his resolve to take his partners and meet his needs from women outside of polite society. Plus, they were friends. Well, as much as gentlemen could be friends with unmarried ladies. Although she was a widow, which put her in a different set than the other unmarried misses.

Wouldn’t her friend act as a protector, ensuring her safety and keeping her secrets? She kept Edward’s secrets, and they attempted to build a life that might suit them both. Would Jude see the benefit of such an arrangement? She supposed the benefits were all for her, since there wasn’t much in it for him. Other than the notion that it would be pleasurable for him, she supposed. Not that he didn’t have his own options and arrangements for doing so.

She needed counsel to decide. Juliana slipped her dressing robe around herself and lit the candle by the bed. She carried it over to her writing desk and penned a missive to Marina. Marina was the most bold and daring of her friends, and if Marina thought she had lost her mind, then she would have her answer about propositioning Jude.

Marina,

I hope this finds you well. I cannot wait to hear word that your new babe is born. When you are ready for visitors, I shall plan a trip to see you.

I write to ask for your help on a private matter, and I beg of you to keep this only between us.

I find I want to make a match for myself, but not take a husband. At least not for a while. I wish for an arrangement which would allow me to enjoy the physical activities a married lady like yourself enjoys with her husband, if you understand my meaning.

I thought to seek Jude for such an arrangement, as he is one of the few gentlemen I know I can trust, who also won’t rush me into marriage. Given the wealth I inherited from Edward, I must be on alert for fortune hunters.

Am I mad? You must tell me. If you find this plan to be insane, I will let it go and ask that you never speak of it again.

Take care, dearest. Do try to slow down and rest.

Yours,

Juliana

Juliana sanded and sealed the missive. She would send it out first thing in the morning. She returned to her bed and settled in again, finally falling asleep.

Chapter Two

Jude thrashed and cried out into the night. It was always the same, dreams from his childhood he preferred to forget. “No,” he shouted, followed by, “Don’t, please.”

He tangled himself in the blankets from his limbs moving about in a panic. Finally, after around ten minutes of his arms flailing and talking in his sleep, he woke himself up and shot up in his bed. He looked around and attempted to steady his breathing, taking a few moments to realize it had only been a dream. It was unpredictable when the dreams, nightmares rather, might occur. Sometimes he would go a couple weeks without one and then he’d have spells where he had them every night. Lately, it had been the latter.

He ran his hands down his face. His breathing became labored, and he couldn’t calm himself to a reasonable pace. The weight on his chest scared him and almost sent him into a panic. He climbed from his bed and paced his chamber, willing his anxieties to subside. Jude forced himself to draw another deep breath and when that didn’t ease his chest, the panic set in again.

When it occurred, he needed the one thing that helped to get his mind and body under control. He could attempt to accomplish the task with his own hand, or he could visit one of his mistresses in the middle of the night.

He didn’t keep just one mistress, because he didn’t want to risk any attachment. It seemed reasonable in his mind that if he had multiple ladies at his disposal to visit he wouldn’t get attached to any of them. And most of them had stayed with him over the past few years, besides Ann, who ended their arrangement. But he still had three others he frequented and didn’t bother replacing her.

Jude knew he was an arse, but what else was new? And the notion of taking care of it himself wasn’t appealing, so he dressed himself. He could wake up his valet, Carter, but he didn’t want to waste the time, or face the knowing looks from the man. The faster he dressed and got the whole thing over with, the faster he might return and attempt to sleep again.

His head groom was used to his late-night needs for a carriage. As soon as he appeared at his mews, the groom that was awake set about readying the carriage to take him across town.

Once he was inside of his carriage and heading to Kitty’s, he admonished himself. He was a grown man, a marquess and peer of the realm, and he was hard pressed to get a restful night’s sleep. If anyone knew just how broken he was, how his father had treated him, he was sure they would pity him. His friends would offer him compassion and understanding, but their eyes would hold the pity for his embarrassment and shame which had haunted him since his childhood.

He had cultivated a life that no one pitied. He was the most notorious man of society. All the women dreamt of him, and all the men wanted to be him. He preferred to keep it that way and keep his secrets to himself. Never would he marry and allow anyone to peek behind the curtain, which separated who he really was from what society perceived him to be.

Even his best friend, Evan, did not know how Jude spent his time, or the real reason why he so scandalously kept a bevy of mistresses at his fingertips. The women weren’t even aware. They didn’t seem to mind the arrangement, given that they were provided for and he distributed his attention, so he didn’t darken their respective doorsteps all that often.

He had kept the same women for the last couple of years, Kitty and Dolly. He had Ann as well for a while a few years back, but she ended their arrangement rather suddenly. She likely found a more intriguing offer from a gentleman who would pay her more attention than Jude ever would.

Jude enjoyed the pleasure of a woman’s company as much as the next man, or at least he used to. Over the last year his needs had been more of a necessity than enjoyment. Most evenings, he just wished for a peaceful night’s sleep.