Page 90 of Queen of Ruin

I wait for the sadness to hit, but weirdly, it doesn’t. Part of me mourned Mindy a long time ago when she fought all my attempts to get her clean, and Valentina’s right. Half of our conversations were me telling her to get clean and the other half were her threatening her life if I didn’t give her what she wanted.

“Diego?” Valentina reaches across the table and takes my hand. “Do you need a minute?”

I look at her hand lying over the top of mine and shake my head. “It always had to end that way for her, I think. When she wasn’t toying with death to trick me, she was doing everything she could to get closer to it. Do you think…” I glance up. “Her last text to me… was that when…?”

“No. Her time of death was after you were taken. She was fine at that point. She was just fucking with you.”

“I feel sad for her.”

“That’s normal.” Valentina sucks in a deep breath, then her fingertips begin wandering over my hand. “And the other stuff? Feeling like you don’t fit here, like there’s no space for you in my life with all of this?” Her lips press together. “I have the same fear.”

My stomach sinks. “You do?”

She nods. “When you were gone, I was so scared. It was this deep, cold fear I’d never felt before. I couldn’t imagine you just not being around anymore, but I had feared it because I was so worried that if I got my memories back, you wouldn’t like who I really was.”

That dropping sensation in my gut fades, replaced by a tightness. “Val…”

She shakes her head quickly. “Because I love you. And I know I love you. Nothing about my memories changes the fact that you saved and cared for me when you knew nothing about me. You even risked your life for me. And I’ve never felt this kind of love before, but I like it. Even if it’s a little scary. But…” Her eyes close briefly. “I remember. I know who I am. And even though I love you, I still have the fear that you won’t care for me. The whole me.”

“The whole you?”

Her eyes meet mine. “I feel the same and different. I don’t want you to think that what happened between us wasn’t real because it was, but… what if you don’t like me?”

“I don’t like you,” I say as softly as I can with a swollen tongue.

Her brows twitch together briefly. “Huh?”

Using her hand for leverage, I pull myself up and bite back the wince at putting weight on my damaged thigh, then I cup her face with my bandaged hand and lean in.

“I love you, Valentina. Every part of you, even the parts I don’t know yet. Because you’re fucking amazing. I knew that the moment I met you. I knew it when I was taking care of you, when you saved me from that cop, and every moment after. All of that was still you.”

Tears sparkle in her eyes, and a wobbly smile creeps across her lips.

“Loving that version of you doesn’t change now that you remember everything. It’s just so much more for me to learn.” I lean in and kiss her, just as my thigh gives way and I flop down onto the table.

Our kissing melts into laughter and she scoots so much closer on her chair while easing me back into mine, then she loops one hand around my neck and strokes my cheek with the other.

“I love you too.”

35

VALENTINA

“How’s Diego?” Ruslan smooths his hair back from his forehead and leans closer to the mirror. “He gets his stitches out today, right?”

“Yeah, this afternoon, in fact.” My hands move over my breasts to adjust my dress, ensuring everything is tucked in and secured with as much tape as I can get away with.

“I bet he’s ready for that. A week of not being able to eat or talk properly?” Ruslan grimaces and adjusts his bowtie. “That would kill me.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” I smirk as I shift my weight and adjust how the knife garter rests against my thigh. “Honestly, I’ve kind of liked being able to take care of him. It won’t ever compare to what he did for me, can’t compare, if I’m honest, but it was nice to provide.”

“Look at you.” Ruslan glances at me in the mirror. “All dewy and in love.”

“Fuck off.”

“That’s the Valentina I know.” His lips slide into a grin. “Seriously, though, it’s nice to see. No one ever said this life had to be lonely.”

“This entire world is lonely,” I reply. “But… you’re right. And Diego is…” My mind wanders as I search through countless words that would all be good enough to describe him, and yet none of them feel like enough.