Page 89 of Life, Love, and Other Messes

“That’s the day I can board Ollie. Do you want me to come up?”

I paused. “You don’t have to do that. I mean—”

“I know I don’t have to, but I want to be there for you if you’re comfortable with it.”

“Of course I’m comfortable, I just…I mean, I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

“I want to be there for you. Ollie will be taken care of and I don’t have to be anywhere until after New Year’s.”

I hesitated. “We’re decorated for Christmas.”

I heard a little laugh. “I figured. It’ll be okay.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure.”

“It’s going to be at my old church.”

“Of course. Your mother worked there.”

“Okay. I just wanted to warn you.”

“It’s okay, Sam. I realize we haven’t been together all that long, but your dad likes me, right?”

I closed my eyes, feeling the smile on her face. “I want you to come. Thank you.”

“Of course. You’re welcome. You sound okay. Are you really okay?”

“Yeah, I think so. I think we’re all okay.”

“I’m glad. Oh, just so you know, your dad is sending me a video.”

By Sunday, there was enough snow on the ground to enjoy it. I started the day by shoveling the walk and the driveway, trying my best not to think about what had happened there. I mostly just didn’t want someone else to slip. Missy and I took the older kids sledding on the big hill behind the high school and Kevin stayed with Jeremiah, then Kevin got called in for a work emergency and the rest of us built snow people on their lawn. Missy had her hands full, so I offered to make hot chocolate and order pizza for dinner, so we gathered with Dad at our house. The girls were out cold and Seth was trying to teach my father some game on his tablet when I caught Asher sitting at the kitchen table, pretending to play on his computer but spending most of the time looking out the window.

I sat next to him. “I need to put some more birdseed out.”

“I’ll do it.” He jumped up. “Do you know where Grandma—”

We looked at one another. “Yeah. I’ll give you a scoop of it.” I found a cup from the pizza place in a Home Depot bucket full of seed. “Here you go.”

Asher had his boots on by then, but no coat or gloves. I watched him work his way out through the snowbank in front of the window and carefully pour the seed into the feeder. He was almost as tall as I was, and barely had to reach. His hair was normally spiky, but it was lying down thanks to wearing his winter hat earlier. While Seth looked like a little Kevin, Asher favored Missy with his dark hair and dark eyes. He kicked off his boots and returned to the table.

“You want more cocoa?”

He shook his head. “I’m good.”

“What’re you playing?”

“Nothing. Just looking at TikTok mostly, but it’s boring.”

“How’re you doing?”

I expected him to say he was fine, but he shrugged. “Those guys are too young to get it.”

I nodded. “My grandmother died when I was about your age. It sucks because you get treated like a kid but you’re feeling everything like an adult.”

He watched his hands. “Grandma’s mother or Grandpa’s?”