Page 90 of Life, Love, and Other Messes

“Grandpa’s. She moved here from Minnesota when she got cancer.”

“Was she nice?”

I felt my jaw tighten. “She was extraordinary. She was loving and thoughtful and also a total badass.”

“Grandma was a bitch to you,” Asher blurted.

I wondered if Missy let him use that language, but I guessed I’d just said badass. “Sometimes. She wasn’t too happy about some things in my life, but she still wanted to spend time with me.” Well, until I fucked that up, too.

“It pissed me off to watch it. I mean, I loved her, but I love you too.”

“Glad I’m your favorite aunt.” I was his only aunt. “I appreciate that. It pissed me off too, but she did do some really good things for me.”

“She didn’t support your job and she didn’t support your girlfriends.”

“True, but she did somehow manage to raise me to have the tools to deal with that.”

“Mom says she’s going to set up therapy for me.”

“That’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“I know. My best friend has been in therapy since she was six. I just don’t know whether to miss her or not, you know?”

God. “She loved you very, very much, and was so proud of you,” I said. “Every time we would talk on the phone she would tell me what you were up to.”

“She was proud of Seth for his sports.”

“She was proud of you for your science fair and math club and everything else. Anyway, weren’t you the one on the team that took first in the region?”

Asher grinned at the tabletop. “Yes. Yes, I was.”

“You were her first grandbaby. That’s always extra special.”

“I don’t give a shit about being special,” he said. “I just…It’s like, can I love someone if I’m not sure she would love me back?”

Yeah, either he was gay or on drugs or some shit. “She loved you fiercely and I’m sure she would have no matter what. She and I just had a very…complicated…relationship. Sometimes it’s easier for people to accept things in their grandchildren than in their children.”

“Like if she raised you to be something she didn’t accept it was her fault, but with me it’s just my dad’s fault.”

I had to grin. “Or something. She thinks he hung the moon, by the way.” I realized I’d used the wrong tense and waited for Asher to catch it, but he didn’t say anything.

“I know it.”

“And she thinks you hung the moon, too.” This time, it seemed more appropriate. “As do I.”

“No, you,” he said, finally grinning up at me.

“No, you. C’mere.” I pulled one arm around him and he laid his head on my shoulder for a long time.

“Pizza’s here,” Seth announced, dashing toward the door as though that would guarantee him the first piece.

“Let me get that,” I said. “You good?”

“Yeah. I’ll help you carry.”

Seth already had his hands full. “Who the hell wanted pineapple?”

“Language,” Missy called.