Page 28 of To All the Men I’ve Killed Before

I hate him on sight.

‘Hey, new girls,’ the man who is probably Cort says, nodding at me and Antoinette. ‘Lauren told me that she’s got some new roomies. Let me tell you what an absolute pleasure it is to meet you both.’ He comes over to us and makes a big deal out of shaking our hands. It feels very intense.

‘This is my man,’ Lauren says, pride dripping from her words. ‘Cortney William Goldman the Third.’

Cort laughs like she’s said the funniest thing he’s ever heard. ‘They don’t need to know all that,’ he says. ‘Please just call me Cort.’ As if we were going to spew out that word salad name anyway. ‘It really is so wonderful to meet you. Lauren says you’re from England?’

Antoinette and I nod in unison.

‘I love England,’ he says. ‘I’ve been lucky enough to visit several times. To do my talks.’

He stops speaking, clearly waiting for one of us to ask him about his talks.

There’s an awkward silence when no one says anything.

Lauren rushes to fill the silence. ‘Cort’s a podcaster,’ she says. ‘He’s pretty well known for it, aren’t you, babe?’

Cort looks faux-embarrassed. ‘I mean, I’m well known in the podcast industry, I suppose.’

Urgh. A podcast bro.

‘It’s called Man Enough to STFU,’ Lauren says excitedly. ‘Have you heard of it?’

Antoinette and I shake our heads.

‘No, sorry,’ I say, remembering that I should be polite. ‘I don’t really listen to podcasts.’

‘Me neither,’ Antoinette says and smiles apologetically.

‘What’s it about?’ I ask, trying to arrange my face into an expression that suggests I give a fuck.

Cort chuckles and sits down at the table next to Agnes. I swear I see her flinch. ‘Is there enough of this for me, babe?’ he says, already helping himself to chicken.

‘Go ahead,’ says Agnes in a tight voice.

‘What’s it about?’ he says. ‘What isn’t it about, more like. Isn’t that right, Lo?’

‘It’s a feminist podcast for men,’ Lauren says and I see Antoinette’s eyes widen in horror.

‘It’s for men who really want to be feminist allies,’ Cort says as Lauren serves him up some potatoes.

Oh.

He’s a feminist.

I guess that explains the man bun.

‘Oh, wow,’ says Antoinette. ‘Cool.’ She’s such a liar.

‘I don’t think of it as cool,’ Cort says. ‘I think of it as necessary.’ He gives my sister a condescending smile and I know she’s already mentally dismembering him. ‘I consider myself a conduit between the genders.’

‘He’s writing a book,’ Agnes tells us and from the barely there mocking tone in her voice, I can tell she gets it. I think I’m going to like this girl.

‘Are you?’ I say, turning to Cort, alight with fake fascination.

He gives a little humble shrug that I can imagine him practising in the mirror.

‘It’s less of a book and more of a bible,’ he says without any irony at all. I see Antoinette and Agnes exchange a look. Lauren is either oblivious to the mocking or is choosing to ignore it.