Page 29 of To All the Men I’ve Killed Before

‘Wow, a bible,’ I say. ‘That’s quite something.’

‘He really is,’ Lauren says. ‘He’s always being invited to places to give talks.’

Cort nods in a way that can only be described as sagely. ‘It’s important in these times of such rampant toxic masculinity that men have a positive role model.’ He makes a hashtag sign with the two fingers of each hand and looks me directly in the eyes. ‘Not all men.’

I think I see Antoinette’s left eye twitch.

Lauren is gazing at him adoringly.

Agnes looks like she’s trying not to laugh.

‘That’s really great,’ I say, hoping I don’t choke on my lie. ‘Well done, you.’

‘I’m actually doing a talk locally next week,’ he says. ‘You girls—’ He stops, puts his hands in a prayer position and lowers his head. ‘Forgive me, you women should come along.’

‘Sure,’ I say. ‘Sounds great.’ The lies are just sliding off my tongue.

Agnes makes a noise that I swear is a laugh, but she picks up her wine and glugs some. ‘Sorry,’ she says. ‘Something went down the wrong way.’

‘I’ll find you on Insta and ping the details over,’ Cort says.

‘Looking forward to it.’

He turns and addresses Lauren. ‘Shall we head, babe?’

‘Yes, let me just grab my stuff.’ She jumps up and disappears out of the kitchen to where I assume her bedroom must be. Cort stands up, ready to follow her.

‘Apologies to run out. We’re going to a divine feminine sound bath,’ he says. ‘But I really look forward to talking to you both again soon. Namaste.’ He gives us a little bow and disappears after Lauren.

Antoinette and I do nothing but blink after him.

‘Is he always so delightful?’ I ask eventually when we hear the front door of the guesthouse close behind Lauren and Cort as they leave.

Agnes chuckles. ‘Oh yes,’ she says. ‘You won’t believe this but sometimes he can be even more delightful.’

My eyes widen.

I dread to think what this means.

Antoinette pulls a face packed with distaste. ‘What does she see in him?’

Agnes shakes her head. ‘Honestly who knows but he seems to make her happy so I’ve learned to tolerate him.’

‘How?’ Antoinette asks. ‘I must learn your secrets.’

‘Benzos,’ Agnes says. ‘Sometimes a little bit of weed. Although sometimes I think I need a full general anaesthetic to deal with him and his performative-ally shit.’ She gives us a little smile and puts her fingers to her lips. ‘Obviously don’t tell anyone, my folks would literally murder me, but if there’s anything you ever need, let me know. I can get hold of most stuff.’ She grins again. ‘Happy to fill your party prescriptions.’

‘Maybe you should just drug Cort,’ I say and Agnes smiles darkly.

‘It’s crossed my mind.’

I head back to the villa a little after that, leaving Antoinette and Agnes chatting about a new Netflix series they’re both excited about, like they’ve known each other for ages. Like Antoinette hasn’t just murdered a celebrity and is storing him in Agnes’s parents’ cellar.

Life is weird.

And I need my bed.

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