Page 50 of To All the Men I’ve Killed Before

I mentally brace myself.

‘It’s just a date, Kits, no one’s suggesting you have to spend the rest of your life with the guy.’ Her expression softens. ‘Is this because of Charlie?’

I nod. ‘It’s too soon. I’m not even slightly near beginning to be over him.’

Antoinette gives me a sympathy face and sidles over to me. She touches my arm. ‘That’s why you want to get back to London so quickly, isn’t it? You want to get him back.’

I nod again, suddenly mute.

My sister sighs heavily. ‘Kits,’ she says. ‘This is going to be hard to hear, but know that I say this with love. Let him go. You have to let him go.’

‘I can’t.’ The words come out thick and desperate. ‘I just can’t. I love him. And I know he loves me. That doesn’t just disappear, Antoinette.’

She presses her lips together. ‘Maybe not. But he’s made it clear that he doesn’t want any contact with you, Kits. You have to respect that. I know it’s hard.’

How could she possibly know the depths of my heartbreak?

She’s only twenty.

But she isn’t much younger than I was when I met Adam.

And he totally fucked me up.

Maybe she’s got a story of her own.

‘Think about the date, Kits,’ Antoinette is saying now. ‘You might have fun,’ she says. ‘I know it’s hard to believe. But you might. And it could even take your mind off Charlie. Even just for a night.’

‘He’s really not on my mind that much,’ I lie.

Antoinette rolls her eyes. ‘Kits,’ she says sternly. ‘How thick do you think these walls are? As if I don’t hear you crying every night.’

Damn.

I thought I was doing that silently.

She tilts her head and considers me for a moment. ‘Between Charlie and Aidan Ward, you are really letting men live rent free in your head.’

‘And you’re suggesting I add another one? Make it some sort of mental ménage à trois?’

She smiles. ‘No, I’m suggesting you do something that takes your mind off the other two. Before you drive yourself insane.’ She squeezes my arm again. ‘Look at you. You’re smart, beautiful and still quite young—’

‘I’m thirty, Antoinette.’

‘Exactly. You’ve still got a lot of your life ahead of you. You shouldn’t be spending your nights crying over old text messages from your ex.’

How does she know that’s what I’ve been doing?

‘That’s not—’

She waves my excuses away. Then her eyes light up and she claps her hands together.

I don’t like this.

It means she’s had an idea.

‘Oh my God, Kitty,’ she says, her voice rising several octaves. ‘I’ve just had the best idea.’

Knew it.