Page 27 of The Seeker

“We will just have to try again,” I lied, pinching my eyes closed in fear he would see the secret relief in my heart. While Leif had done something terrible to me, there were still some things I didn’t enjoy lying to him about. Some dreams I didn’t relish in crushing.

He crawled into bed next to me, one of his hands coming across my midsection, the other coming to smooth down my hair. “Is there anything I can get you? Friar, maybe?”

I shook my head, the task difficult with the cool cloth on my forehead. “I only need rest.” I would inform Friar of what went wrong the next day. I would also inform her I no longer needed the love potion.

I didn’t need to fake my exhaustion, and it wasn’t long until I drifted off into dreamland.

“Runa.”

My eyes snapped open at the voice I would know anywhere.

I was in the magical woods again, sitting on the same stone as before, Otho standing just out of arms reach, his hands buried in his pockets.

“What’s going on? I’m having trouble locating you, and you haven’t come here when I’ve called for you.”

I gazed up at Otho, the man I once would have done anything for, but I struggled to find my emotions for him. Instead, I felt . . . empty. I knew it had something to do with the potion I’d been taking but⁠—

“I’m tired, Otho.”

I don’t know why I said it—well, other than it was the truth. But I knew there was nothing Otho could do about it. I turned my head, needing to clear my thoughts without his gray gaze fixed on me. Even when I had two men who professed to be my weighted, I still felt so alone.

I focused on the lines in the tree stump instead, curious how anything could grow in the dream space without bugs to cultivate it. Unless . . .

“Talk to me, Runa. Tell me what’s going on.”

I shook my head, still not looking in the general’s direction. “No, you need to tell me what’s going on.”

He was silent then. So silent, I turned back in time to see the frown on his features before he was able to place his emotionless mask back in place. “I can’t, Runa.”

That answered my question—the trust magic didn’t work in this dream space . . . or Otho was somehow immune.

Or he truly didn’t trust me, no matter how much magic I read to myself.

I turned away, crossing my arms over my chest, even though it wasn’t anywhere near cold in the dream world. “I don’t understand, Otho. Do you not trust me?”

“It’s not that⁠—”

“What is it then?” I felt bad for cutting him off, but I was tired of hiding my pain over the situation we’d found ourselves in. The pain that had made me hate myself. “You promised you would come for me; it’s been a whole season. I understand why you couldn’t write to me, but here we are, in a dream world only the two of us can access and you still can’t tell me what’s going on or when you plan to come for me, so . . .” I stood then, taking a step closer until we were only a breath away from one another. “Tell me why. Tell me why I’m not deserving of your plans. Why I’m not deserving of a rescue attempt.”

“Runa,” he started, but I realized I wasn’t done with my tirade. It felt good to release all of my anger, even if it wasn’t exactly all meant for him.

“Are you afraid I’ll tell? That Leif will torture it out of me?” His face paled. “I’ve withstood torture before, Otho, without divulging secrets. In fact . . .” I ripped up my sleeve then, glad to see the brand was still part of my dream body. “I already have.”

Otho’s eyes shone, full of emotions I couldn’t read. “Runa, you have to understand, Leif is as slippery⁠—”

I reeled back, as if I’d been slapped. “You really think I would fall in love with him again?”

Otho crossed his arms. “You already did, once.”

Pain tore through my chest. Even though Otho hadn’t done anything to me, those words hurt more than almost anything he could have said to me. “A woman can have more emotions for a man than just love, Otho. You can care for someone’s well-being without being in love with them.” I glanced up in time to watch as he frowned and shook his head. “I’m not that woman anymore, Otho. I haven’t been for a long time.”

I wanted to walk away, go somewhere to lick my wounds in private, but as much as I struggled, I couldn’t snap myself into waking up. I stepped off the stone we stood on, walking toward the dream forest.

“I’m sorry,” came the apology from behind me.

I still didn’t want to listen to his lies anymore. I shook my head, trying to discreetly pinch my wrist to wake myself, but my body didn’t obey, trapping me here. With him.

A hand landed on my shoulder, stopping me in my tracks. As much as I wanted to flinch away, my heart, the little traitor, had me leaning into his touch.