Page 103 of Holding Onto Love

Olivia cast a glance over her shoulder. “Please say you will still be here when we come back.”

Crispin said, “No fair, Olivia.” Then he drew her out and kicked closed the door.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Jasper could not pull his eyes from Vanessa. After ten months without a glimpse of her, months when he feared he would never see her again, he could scarcely bear to blink and miss another moment.

She gestured absently toward the table as though to offer him breakfast, but her hand shook, and she didn’t speak.

“Vanessa, I wanted to do this perfectly.”

He’d meant to charm her. Woo her. Had he thought it would be easy? A fairy tale ending in a quaint country setting? Instead, he’d stormed in screeching like a banshee, as if it mattered that Crispin’s cottage was falling down about their heads.

“Do what, exactly?” Vanessa asked. He recognized that tone, that struggle to keep her voice calm. “What did you mean by bringing your sister?”

He groaned. He hadn’t meant to lead with Olivia.

“She was supposed to swoop in when needed to convince you of my sincerity.”

“I’ve never accused you of insincerity.” She frowned, baffled.

Could a proposal of marriage be so far from her mind? Surely, she couldn’t be expecting him to once again offer her carte blanche. The thought knifed him.

He stepped toward her, but she stiffened as though fearing he would try to gather her into his arms. So he halted. The room was cozy enough with a fire in the hearth and the scent of freshly brewed tea. There was no perfect place or perfect moment that would ensure her answer. She would take him back, or she would not.

He reached into his pocket and then went down on one knee. He held up a ring.

“Please, marry me, Vanessa. Please.”

“Marry you!” She took a step back. Away. She might just as well have stabbed him. He would never have imagined her to be frightened by him. Or repelled.

“Please tell me it isn’t too late.”

“Of course, it’s too late! And not just too late. It was never possible. Jasper, what are you thinking? You are an earl! Reginald says you’re involving yourself in politics. You can’t—”

“Reginald says?” He jumped up, involuntarily looking right and left as if his brother would emerge from the shadows. “Reginald says! Good God!” When had she talked to Reg? “Did you tell everyone how to find you except me?”

“Our paths crossed by accident.”

“By accident.” He wanted to hit something. Throw something. This was his brother! Both of his brothers. They’d known where to find Vanessa. They’d spoken to her. About him. They’d seen his misery and yet said nothing to him? “I expect as much from Crispin,” he spat, “but not Reg.”

“Expect what?”

“Disloyalty!” Or God knew what. What a prig he sounded. “If not their loyalty, I deserve their pity, at least. My God, Vanessa. You can’t know how this has been for me.”

“Can I not?”

“God.” He pulled out a chair, sank into it, and put his face in his hands. He was showing her his worst self. “I am ruining this. Ruining it.”

“Jasper—”

“Do you see what a destroyed man I am?” He laughed bitterly, more of a mutter than a laugh. “I can’t even…”

“Be inoffensively charming?”

She sat down beside him. He opened his eyes and faced her. She wasn’t mocking him. She looked sad. Understanding and sad.

“Yes,” he said, mocking himself. “I can’t even be inoffensively charming. The one thing I held over my brothers. Crispin cannot be inoffensive, and Reg cannot charm.”