Page 103 of Waiting for Love

They were only playing. It wasn’t as though her brother had caught them on the path at Vauxhall Gardens. They weren’t doing anything but playing with Hannah.

Nevertheless, after Jasper turned and walked away from them, Benjamin hoisted Hannah and followed, pale as death. They left Olivia to scramble after them.

Inside the house, she watched as Jasper mounted the stairs without looking back. Benjamin continued to lag as he carted Hannah up. They went in separate directions at the top: Jasper to his study and Benjamin to the guest wing.

As soon as Jasper disappeared down the hall, Olivia ran up the stairs, both flights, to the third floor. To the reading room.

Chapter Thirty-Two

When Benjamin entered the study, Jasper was not behind his desk. He stood beside the window, gazing out. An open brandy bottle sat on the desk alongside two glasses: one had a full pour and the other was half-empty. Jasper had started without him. Benjamin didn’t touch the liquor. He felt deadened inside. This was not how this friendship was supposed to end.

Jasper did not turn around, but spoke as if to his reflection in the glass. “Explain to me, Benjamin, what it was that I just saw.”

“I don’t know what you mean. It was a game.” The evasion was disgustingly automatic.

Jasper finally turned. His finely chiseled features seemed to lose their definition. His face sagged. “I recall asking you, in this very room, not three days ago, to help me understand Olivia. I asked if you knew what was wrong.”

“Jasper—”

“You lied to me.”

Benjamin couldn’t speak. His tongue felt plastered to the roof of his mouth.

“The devil! It is so clear to me now. I cannot believe I was so blind. Every ball, every engagement with the ton, every carriage ride with a suitor, leaves her morose. The only time she smiles anymore is when she is with you! Benjamin, why didn’t you say something?”

“What could I have said?” He ground out the words.

Jasper threw up his hands. “That she was bothering you!”

A thud sounded somewhere above them. Jasper’s eyes veered ceilingward. He held up a hand, and, for a second, appeared to be listening intently. Then his hand dropped, and his focus returned.

Benjamin said, “She is not bothering—”

“Oh, for God’s sake. Stop being so noble.” Jasper marched to his desk and took another gulp from his glass. “Have a drink. Or sit down. You look about ready to faint.”

Benjamin reached for the glass and saw that his hand shook. He gripped the glass tightly, but didn’t drink.

Jasper set his own glass down. “The problem is no other man stands a chance.” He laughed roughly. “She is still infatuated. You are still the one who…who will skip around with her pretending to be a horse! Can you picture Ebersom being so ridiculous? Or even Carleton, who is certainly no stranger to playing the fool?” He rubbed his hand against his temple. “I thought she had grown out of this.” He stared a moment, eyes glazing over. Then he raised his head. “I am sorry. This is not fair to you. You’ve always been kind to her—”

“I am not being kind!”

“No, it isn’t kind. It encourages her.” His head bowed and he blinked a few times before looking up. “But damn it. I’m sorry. You wanted to go back to Chaumbers, and I wouldn’t let you. You should have been honest with me.”

“Jasper, I need to be honest now. I can’t—”

“We will work this out. I’ll speak to her. I should have given her hell when she tore off your cravat. That was beyond the pale.” He shook his head. “We can’t lose you, Benjamin. You understand, we need you.”

Benjamin’s jaw dropped. “What the blazes! I’ve been lying to you! You can’t keep me on.”

“Your damn honor! This is what I feared would happen! Benjamin, you straightened out the mess that was Chaumbers. My tenants are more content than I’ve seen them in years. In two weeks, you’ve seen to at least a year’s disrepair in this place. You even got Reg on more secure financial footing without offending him. Which is something I have never been able to do.” He clenched his fists. “You can’t let Olivia’s silliness drive you away. Not again.”

“Are you finished?”

Jasper started at his tone. “Maybe.”

“Sit down. Sit down and listen.” He waited until Jasper pulled out his chair and sat. “You might want to pour yourself another.”

Jasper glanced at his glass, then back at Benjamin. “I suppose that depends upon what you mean to say.”