Page 104 of Waiting for Love

“You should not have hired me. It is laughable that you talk of my ‘honor’ when you don’t know me from Adam.” He stopped Jasper’s protest. “You don’t. You hired me without references when you hadn’t seen me for over four years! That was irresponsible. Iversley.”

“I know you. Character does not change.”

“You hired me without asking what I’d done in Canada.”

“You were working for the Hudson’s Bay Company.”

“I was stealing from the Company.”

Jasper’s jaw dropped. Then he snapped it shut and scowled. “I very much doubt that.”

“I was an inventory clerk. I kept track of what came into the warehouses and what went out. The books I kept never matched the reality.” Jasper’s only reaction was to keep his gaze steady on Benjamin’s face. “Everyone stole from the company. Low-level pilfering occurred daily, but the worst offenders were the officials. Cases of whiskey, blankets, trinkets, guns, and knives—these disappeared all the damn time. No one wanted the corruption uncovered.”

“So you didn’t report it.”

He gritted his teeth. “I was informed by my superior that if any discrepancies were found on my watch, I would be held responsible. It would be taken from my pay. These ‘discrepancies’ went back years, Jasper. Years. I could not begin to sort out the losses. And I certainly couldn’t recover them. Instead of making my fortune in Canada, I would end up in debtor’s prison. So I learned how to falsify records. How to shortchange trading partners.”

“But you never took anything.”

“If your servants were stealing your silver and Peters turned a blind eye, would you say, ‘but he never took any’?”

Jasper made a bitter face. “A moot point. My household is better run.”

Benjamin remembered the footmen sharing a stolen bottle of wine. “You think it is.”

“Well, what do you want me to do? Shall I hire someone to audit my books?”

“You should after what I’ve just told you.”

“I’m afraid I must continue to be irresponsible. I trust you have not stolen anything. The very idea is ridiculous. You have never been driven by greed.”

Now Benjamin laughed. Bitterly. “Jasper, you are so naïve it makes my heart hurt. Do you imagine, as a youth, I could have looked around at what you and your brothers had handed to you and not have been covetous? My greed almost killed me. What do you think I was doing in the backwaters of Canada?”

“I suppose you had better tell me.”

Benjamin squeezed his eyes shut to block out the memories that came back to him in a flood. He opened them slowly.

“I signed on with the Company thinking I would work one or two terms. Three years. Six. I didn’t expect to get rich. Only to save enough to come back to England with a hope for a better life than my father gave us.” He grunted. “And perhaps a fraction of the ease I experienced as your perennial guest.” He ignored Jasper’s embarrassed throat clearing. “But I was misled. We were overworked and underpaid. We had to buy supplies from the Company if we wanted to eat. Or drink. And…” He drew his arms across his chest. “I’m not just whining. The conditions were inhumane. The winter darkness. I swear it seemed always to be winter. You could sleep almost on top of a fire and not get warm. But the worst was the boredom. There was nothing to do but drink. I’ve always sworn I would not be my father, but Jasper, I stole all day long and drank all night.”

“That was your situation. You only drink now when I force it upon you.”

“When my three years were up, I did not sign on to stay. I had maybe ten pounds to my name and my passage home. At least the company paid for our fare back to England.”

“But you didn’t come back.”

“No. I was celebrating my release from captivity, that is what we called it, in what passed for a tavern, and I met Simpson.”

“Your business partner?”

“Yes. Hannah’s father. He was not with the Company. He claimed he’d been trading lumber. He said his father was head of a large lumber firm in Halifax. That was true. It was the only true thing the man ever said.”

“Your new business venture was lumber?”

“No.” Benjamin needed to pace. The humiliation was still too raw. “No, it was not. I thought it was going to be gold.”

“Gold?” Jasper’s forehead wrinkled. “Was there another expedition? I thought—”

“You thought those rumors had been thoroughly explored and were found to be false.”