Page 102 of One Last Thing Before You Go

I pause and look for him in the party, watch how he kneels in front of one of the twins and hands her a lollipop as she cries. Watch the way the rest of my siblings stare at him with googoo eyes. Knox gives my niece a lopsided grin which she can’t help but return, wrapping her arms around his neck. He returns her hug, catching my eye from afar, smiling widely at me in victory. My breath catches, my chest filling with light and something more and I can’t breathe. He’s everything that is good in my life. He’s my cheerleader and my support. And I love being those things for him, too. I love him, I think. Not having him in my life just seems unacceptable.

“It’s not that,” I tell Alejandro. “It’s definitely not that. I… I might be falling in love with him.” I know I am.

Beside me, my brother goes still. He slowly lifts his own drink to his lips and drinks before responding. “Are you sure, Lottie?”

“I…” I feel the stinging behind my eyes build, my lower lip trembling. So I turn around with my back facing the rest of the party to avoid anyone else from seeing me like this. “Yes. Pretty sure.”

Grinding his teeth, Alejandro takes a beat to process this info.

“I know you don’t like him, but⁠—”

“It’s not that. It’s not that at all. He’s… He’s actually really fucking cool. I don’t have a problem with him. Maybe when I thought he was just some fuck boy trying to get laid, someone who was going to dump you in a heartbeat. But the way this kid acts… He’s more gone for you than you are for him. Anyone can see that. If it wasn’t already obvious, then today made it so. He’s spent the entire afternoon playing with your nieces and nephews. That doesn’t scream casual booty call to me.”

“No,” I murmur.

“And, this is gonna sound gross, but I can tell he’s kind of… devoted to you. The way he looks at you… It’s like you’re his center of gravity or something.”

I feel a tear run down my cheek, but I catch it quickly with my hand.

“But it worries me, this intensity of emotions. Because of what happened last time with Finn. Because of his age. And because I have a feeling you haven’t been exactly forthcoming with him about your… health stuff, have you?”

I shake my head.

“I’m scared for you. I was there when you came back, your spirit broken. We all had to watch this ghost for the first year after the divorce float around town in a kind of trancelike state. Seeing you like that…” He shakes his head and looks away. “It was tough, Lottie. So tough. I’ve never seen anyone so heartbroken before.”

“It wasn’t about Finn, though. You know that, right? It was about everything else. The kid thing, the job, having to come back, having no money. Finn was… a dick. But losing him was the least of my concerns. It was more about… about not being enough for anything or anyone.”

“I know. But it worries me that you’re going to end up in the same situation. Or a version of it at least.”

“What do you mean? I can’t imagine Knox ever being as cold-hearted as Finn.”

“He’s young.”

I raise a brow, waiting for my brother to finish, but he doesn’t reply. “Duh.”

“He’s young, Lottie. So his priorities and what he wants in life might shift a couple of years down the road. And then where will that leave you? Unless you’ve changed your mind about kids.”

My stomach rolls, heart racing. Kids.

“No, I haven’t.” My voice is small, and shaky. “And I don’t think I ever will.”

“Have you asked him what he wants?” I shake my head, unable to speak.

“I see.”

I’m going to throw up. I swear I’m going to throw up any second now.

“Can I make an assessment, then?”

I nod.

“I think you haven’t told him or anyone else about New York because you know you have to tell him about the kid thing first. And you’re scared because it not only destroyed your last relationship, but the life you had built. But you know it would be unfair to the both of you for you to tell him, move your things to the city, only to wait until he’s ready for kids to let him know you have no intentions of ever having them. Because I have never seen you this happy, Lottie. Not with anyone. That’s the truth. And I guess that’s why I feel extra overprotective with this guy. Because the higher you are, the harder the fall.”

CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

LOTTIE

“…Ialso spoke to Daniel. Told him that the painters had finished a couple of days ago and that I’d be taking pictures of the space tomorrow for the listing. I have some lighting equipment I brought with me. Not my best stuff, but it’ll work. So we should be able to do that,” Knox says, his hands on my hips. I slip the key in the lock, still shaken from my earlier conversation with my brother. But Knox doesn’t seem to notice my distress, too distracted by our to-do list—and honestly, still probably on a sugar high from all the cake and treats from the birthday party.