Page 103 of One Last Thing Before You Go

When I push the door to my loft open, breaking free from his grasp, I immediately toe my shoes off and hang his leather jacket on one of the hooks. I’m three seconds away from making a run to the bathroom so I can cry in the privacy of my own shower.

“Knox—”

“And then I guess with Walter’s apartment, we’re almost there. The wall between the store and the stairs has been shut, and the street entrance is done. So we’re good there. I need to finish clearing everything out before putting it on the market, but we should have time to do that before we move, right? Or do you have a specific timeline? Because that’s cool, too. I just need to let my agent know, because she found me this job—it’s just a two-week assignment—but I do need to let her know soon. She also offered a three-month one, but I told her I won’t be taking those anymore. Of course those bring in more money, but I don’t need much to survive, so⁠—”

“Knox.”

He hears the urgency in my voice and immediately stops.

“I’m—I’m tired. Can we talk about this tomorrow?”

“Oh. Okay.” He kisses the tip of my nose and slips off his shoes, setting them beside mine. And what once made my heart flutters, what once made me crave this domesticity, now rips at my chest. Because I know what’s coming. I know what needs to be done.

“I’m just a little wired, you know? Excited about what’s coming.” He wraps his arms around my waist, grinning down at me like I’m some coveted prize he’s just fought for and won.

Like I’m everything.

And I can’t handle keeping him in the dark anymore, because Ale is right. It’s time to come clean. Tomorrow, though. Tonight, I just want to enjoy the time we have. I want to⁠—

“I love you.”

The metaphorical glass shatters, sharp pieces everywhere.

Air. I need air. I can’t breathe. “W-What did you just say?”

His eyes travel all over my face, ice-blue, but warm all over. “I love you, Lottie. I can’t wait for us to take this next step together.”

“You… You love me?” I don’t know why I sound surprised, because I shouldn’t be. He agreed to move with me to New York. You don’t just do that for anyone. You don’t agree to uproot your life all willy nilly.

He huffs out a laugh, tightening his grip around me. “Of course I do.” “I—I…” I have nothing to say.

No. That’s not true. I have so much I should say, but nothing I want to.

Seconds that feel like hours drag on, his expectant gaze on me. Suddenly, his arms feel more like a net ensnaring me rather than a comforting hold. I push out of his grip and turn away, needing the space.

“You… You don’t feel the same way.” His voice is low, resigned. Heartbroken. I have to swallow back a sob.

“That’s not it,” I whisper. “It’s just… I… Before I say it back, before we move forward with our relationship, I need to tell you something.”

“You’re making me nervous.”

I laugh once and turn back to look at him. I’m the one shaking, here. “Yeah.”

“Okay. So… spit it out, then. I feel like I’m losing my mind. Because there’s very little you could say that would ever make me think twice about being with you. I know you joked about serial killers before, but honestly, the way I feel about you, I’m pretty sure I could live with that too because⁠—”

“I can’t have kids.” There’s a pause while he waits for me to elaborate. “Those health problems I told you about? Well, I’m fine and everything, but… But it means I can’t have kids. I have this thing—well, a couple of things, actually. I have endometriosis and PCOS—that’s polycystic ovarian syndrome. And it comes with a bunch of issues, like severe pain and bloating and other stuff, but also includes fertility issues. And it’s not like you can’t have kids when you have either of them, but I have both and from what my doctors have said, it’s pretty much impossible in my case because they’re both pretty severe. So… I can’t have kids. I’ll never have kids.”

He freezes. Stares back for a second. Scratches the side of his nose. “That’s… That’s it?”

I recoil. “‘That’s it’? How can you act like it’s nothing?”

“I mean, it sucks that you’re in pain and it explains a lot and I’m happy you finally told me, since I think this is what you’ve been hiding this entire time. But you prefaced it like it was going to be this huge thing. This relationship-ending thing. I mean, I’m sure it must be difficult for you, but that doesn’t matter to me.”

Shock. Pure shock. It’s the only way I can describe how his reaction makes me feel. Because this flippant response? It proves that he doesn’t get it at all. If he knew what it really meant… Either he doesn’t see a future with us—not really—or he’s truly clueless.

“Do you not understand what I’m saying here?”

“Of course I do. You… You can’t have kids. And that sucks. I’m sure it must be incredibly difficult for you and I hope you’re able to open up more about why that is, since it’s obviously a huge deal. But I truly don’t see how that’s an issue for us.”