Page 117 of One Last Thing Before You Go

He kisses my cheek while I stand very still, wanting desperately not to ruin this moment.

“Be right back. Enjoy your celebration. You deserve it.”

CHAPTER FORTY-TWO

KNOX

Lottie locks the bookstore door with shaking hands, turning off the neon pink Open sign hanging by the window. The place is a mess, covered in disposable bamboo plates, cups, and paper napkins. It’s… a lot, this mess. So I make a mental note to stay and help pick up, no matter the outcome of this conversation.

After putting some paperwork away behind the counter, Lottie pauses, her back turned to me, taking a few steadying breaths. I don’t blame her. As I watch her try to get herself together for us to talk, I do the same thing. Preparing myself to hear whatever it is that she has to say, good or bad. Whatever it may be.

She slowly turns to face me, that full bottom lip caught between her teeth. And, god, the need to kiss her, to feel those soft lips on mine… She’s so beautiful. So fucking beautiful it hurts to look at her.

I miss her so much.

“Knox.” The sound of my name on her lips is something I’ve dreamt about every night since leaving this town six months ago. Something I’d sometimes think I’d hear even while I was away. And now that she’s here, now that I get to hear her say it, it sounds even more surreal.

Ethereal, almost.

“Lottie.”

“Thank you for staying behind. Alejandro stopped by earlier for a bit and mentioned you were on your way home from a long trip, so I appreciate you staying an extra night so we could talk.”

I could spend $49 on a motel for one night and get home a day late to get some answers, or I could spend the rest of my life wondering where we went wrong. I need the closure, so I chose the former.

“Of course.” Anything, I almost tell her. Because despite understanding that she doesn’t want me, deep down, I will always love her. I will always want her. I will always do whatever she needs.

I wait patiently for her to speak, but it takes her a while to gather up enough courage. And when she does: “I called you. A lot. But it kept going to voicemail.”

Surprised, I take a step back. She called? “Well, you already know I haven’t really checked my phone. I was away in Scotland.”

She frowns, eyes sad. “Right. But… I mean, you never had access to WiFi?”

I sigh, run my fingers through my hair. “I only turned my phone on a couple of days ago and, frankly, I needed to disconnect. I was going through a lot, between losing you and finding Walter.”

“Finding Walter?”

I smile. “That’s what I was doing. I went to his hometown after reading more of his journals, speaking to my mom. I went and met his—my—family. And slowly, through them and his stories, I got to know my dad more.”

Her grin is wide. “Your dad.”

“Yeah.” I smile. I can’t help it. “My dad.”

“That’s amazing, Knox.”

“Yeah. I needed it. We both did, you know? He and I. It was good.”

“Good.” We fall silent, unsure of what comes next. But I’m not going to be the one to break the silence this time. She ended this. If she wants to talk, then… She should talk.

“I… I made a mistake, Knox. Lots of them. And I pretty much realized it as soon as I got to New York. But I figured, I had already messed things up between us, so.” She shrugs, but her eyes begin to water. “I tried giving it a shot, but it didn’t feel right. I wanted to apologize— needed to apologize. But when I came back to do so, you were gone. You had left.” “You left first.”

“I did.”

“And now you’re back.”

“I am.” Her voice sounds more determined than I’ve ever heard it.

“What are you trying to say, Lottie? Because losing you was— I can’t even describe it. I felt like you cast me aside so easily⁠—”