Page 91 of One Last Thing Before You Go

I wanted her. I wanted us. I couldn’t wait until she graduated for us to be free to be together. Was even willing to quit my job for her. Anything. And then she’d said she was pregnant and it was bliss. For a few seconds, life had been bliss. Until…

“I’m getting rid of it,” she’d said. “And I’m leaving and never coming back.” She’d destroyed me. Left me bleeding. And now…

And now she was calling me to her, like some spaceship back to their home planet.

I leave tonight.

By tomorrow, I will have met Lennox.

My son.

I exhale, but it comes out choppy and I don’t know why. My face is wet—is the roof leaking or something?

“Shh, it’s okay.” Lottie is rocking me back and forth, arms wrapped tightly around my waist, face in my neck. “I’m here. I’ve got you.”

The pages of the journal are shaking and it takes me a moment to realize that it’s because

I am. I’m shaking and crying and it’s—I’m in too much pain to even care.

I think it, but the words aren’t easy to push out. I think it, but it takes me a minute for me to be able to process it properly. I think it, but it isn’t until I focus on Lottie’s comforting caramel scent that I can finally speak the words: “He always wanted me. He never wanted me gone.”

She nods, lets me sit with it. Because she told me so. She told me she found it hard to believe he never wanted me. But why didn’t he make me believe it when he was alive? Why was I fed this random story?

“Where are you going?” she asks when I get to my feet, searching through my things for my cellphone.

“I’m calling my mother. Need to straighten this shit out now.”

“What? Knox, no.” Lottie comes up behind me, reaching around to pull my phone from

my hands. “Absolutely not. You are way too upset right now. And you’re only one entry into the journal. We don’t know anything. Obviously, you’re going to have to talk to your mother after this, but… I mean, does she even know you have these?”

“No. She knows why I’m here in Ceres Cove, obviously. She’s been… nervous about the whole thing. But we’ve never spoken about my dad directly before since being here.”

Her eyes widen at me. “You… You called him your dad.”

I shrug and look away, wiping my nose with the back of my hand.

“Can you leave? Please? I—I need space.” I can’t look at her right now. Don’t want her to look at me. It’s… too hard to put up a front. She’s the queen of boundaries, so I know she’ll respect them if I⁠—

“No.”

I can definitely look at her now. “What? Are you kidding me?”

“I’m not leaving you alone like this. And I am certainly not leaving you alone so you can call your mother. Not two seconds after reading this entry. Not until you’ve had time to process it.”

“I cannot believe you, of all people, think you have the balls to⁠—”

“Yeah, yeah. Call me a hypocrite—I don’t care. I’m not going anywhere. And I’m not giving you your phone back. You’re gonna have to pry it from my cold, dead hands. In fact, I might enter the wrong password enough times to have it be blocked for an hour so you can’t use it even then.” My lips twitch at that. “You’re not doing this.”

I just stare at her. Can’t keep my gaze off those vicious, chocolate brown eyes of hers.

She’s fierce, my love. A protector. I want to be hers, too.

“Okay. I’ll let you stay.” I pull her into my arms because I need her right now, and I don’t care who knows it.

She scoffs. “Let me stay? More like, can’t stop me from staying.” She burrows into my chest, inhaling my scent in that cute way she thinks is subtle, but absolutely is not.

We hold each other just like this. I never want to move.