Page 93 of Tastes Like Summer

I free my face from my hands and nod. “I know.”

“So, what are you going to do about it?”

I heave a sigh and sit up straight in my seat, trying to project confidence—though I’m sure everyone can tell it’s an act. Losing the love of your life will destroy your sense of worth like that.

“I’m going to do better. I promise. It’s just, the stress of the new business and gearing up for a new school year. You know, getting used to a new routine. It’s been tough. Rachel and I have been⁠—”

Lexi holds a hand up. “Okay, I’m gonna stop you right there. Because you and I both know your shitty attitude has nothing to do with the stress of the new business or the new routine you and Rachel are trying to settle into. Don’t try to lie to me. Or yourself.” She rolls her eyes. “You and I both know what it’s about.”

I chew the inside of my cheek, unwilling to admit to her why I’ve felt like dying most days. Why I’ve felt like running and never coming back. That the only thing that’s held me together is my daughter and the blessing it is to have her in my life. That I’ve held onto her harder than before because my heart cannot stand another loss.

“I’m fine,” I mutter.

“I don’t think you are.”

“I’m fine,” I tell her again, this time with more insistence.

Lexi purses her lips and crosses her arms in front of her chest. “I’m going to need you to get up, apologize to your staff, and go home. Take a week off to decompress. Because you are not fine, cus.”

It’s safe to say I do not take Lexi’s “request” easily—my first instinct is to argue with her, tell her it isn’t true. But I can’t deny I’ve turned into someone even I can’t stand to be around. Miserable. Broken. Short-tempered. Argumentative. And what isn’t good for me, isn’t good for my daughter.

I sigh. “I’m not sure how getting away is supposed to help, if I’m honest.” My loneliness follows me everywhere, after all. “And also, I don’t exactly have the time. We just opened a restaurant, in case you forgot.”

Lexi rolls her eyes at me. “They key word there is we. Meaning, I can cover for you while you go away. That’s the whole point of having a partner—to share the load. So I say you need to get out and take a break.”

“I don’t think now’s the right time.”

“Now’s the perfect time. Rachel doesn’t officially start school until after Labor Day, right?”

“Yeah.”

“So. You have this weekend. Why don’t you guys take a trip? Bond before things get crazier. Go camping or something. At least for a night.”

“I don’t know…”

“Think about it. In the meantime, get your ass back in the kitchen and apologize.”

I blow a puff of air and get to my feet, following Lexi into the kitchen.

Camping has never exactly been my thing—least of all during a holiday weekend when every single beach and campground is packed—but, in the end, a father-daughter bonding day with Rachel sounds pretty good, even if I know it won’t fix my broken heart.

“So, what exactly do people do when they go camping?” Rachel asks, watching me as I pitch our tent.

I shrug. “I don’t know. Hike. Fish. Hunt.”

“Right. But there’s no hiking here—everything is flat, so it would be more like walking. Fishing is kinda gross. And I would never hunt.” She shivers, which makes me smile. No, she would never hunt—my daughter loves animals way too much.

“Well, we can also just hang out. Go to the beach.”

She smiles. “Okay.”

Later that night, after spending all day at the crowded beach, I wrap Rachel up in a blanket after grilling a couple of burgers in our portable grill, and teach her how to roast the perfect marshmallow (slowly, for a perfectly gooey inside and toasty outside texture).

“Did you have fun today?” I ask, opening up the conversation after a lull.

She shrugs once, not looking up from her marshmallow as it hovers carefully over the roaring fire. “Sure, it was fine.”

I know she’s partially lying, though. Because while we did enjoy the time we spent together, I know her feelings were hurt when she approached some older girls playing on the beach and they rejected her. It shattered my heart watching it all from afar, and while I wanted to march over there to give them a serious talking to, tell them that they’re missing out on the best kid ever, I know it would’ve made matters worse for Rachel.