Page 43 of Give Me Peace

“Oh, it is, is it?” I smile, trying to grab the mixture from his hand but he’s too tall and easily holds it of reach.

“You bet your cute ass it is! But..” he whispers, looking around conspiratorially, even though we’re the only two in here. “Don’t tell the others you’re my favorite.” Kash boops my nose, grinning brightly when my eyes cross. He hands me the icing and I quickly pour it on, drenching every inch while they’re piping hot. Kash plates two, and then it’s time for my favorite part: eating it. It’s a religious experience, the way the first bite melts in your mouth. We both moan. It’s messy a process, but we’re too caught up to wipe our faces.

“Jesus, what the hell’s going on in here?” Havok saunters in, looking like he just rolled out of bed despite it being ten-thirty in the morning. I blush, glancing at Kash sheepishly. He grins around the bite he just took, giving me an exaggerated wink, and I can’t help but laugh. He joins in, and before long we’ve both got tears in our eyes while Havok’s looking at us like we might need to be evaluated. The noise must draw the others out because one by one they filter in, curious about all the noise. They descend on the baking dish with hungry eyes, not that I can blame them.

“Here, do it again,” Havok demands, shoving his cinnamon roll in my face.

“Do what?” I scrunch my nose in confusion.

“The food noise, Say. Come on, take a bite.” He wiggles it again, so I take a small bite to appease him.

“Mmmm,” I hum sarcastically. Havok gives me a deadpan look, not the least bit impressed.

“You think you’re funny, huh?” He grins wickedly. “I’ll take a partial refund, since that was subpar, at best.” I have less than a second to try and decipher what he means. Havok swipes some leftover icing from the corner of my mouth, then proceeds to suck it off his thumb. Simply put, I catch fire. There’s no other explanation for the heat flooding my body. Bending down, he whispers against my ear, “Delicious, pretty girl.” And now I’m hot for an entirely different reason.

Krew takes pity on me, sliding me another roll before they all get gone. I eat it without all the theatrics this time, consciously aware of all the men in the room. It’s not been something I really focused on before, not until Havok decided to have a wet t-shirt strip tease on the beach. Ever since then, I’ve become keenly aware that my roommates are all very attractive. Not just that, they’re sweet and thoughtful. Funny and caring. They tick every box a woman could possibly have.

It's alarming, this new awareness. I get that these thoughts are natural, but it feels like I have no say so in the way my body responds. And I never want to feel that loss of control again that Liam exploited and feasted on. Just thinking his name makes me lose my appetite. I push the plate to the side and drink half my water to wash away the sour taste in my mouth.

“You, okay?” Roan looks me over, searching for something he won’t be able to find. My issue isn’t physical, it’s mental.

“Just full,” I lie, giving him a half-hearted smile. I doubt he buys it, but he doesn’t call me out. The guys eat and chat about the things they need to do today, but I tune them out. Maybe I should bring this up with Danielle? I don’t want to be some broken woman who can never have an intimate thought without seeing the man who ruined it for me.

I should be in college right now, drinking and going to frat parties. I likely would’ve hidden in a corner, too shy to talk to anyone, or maybe these would’ve been the years I shined. I might have come into my own and outgrew the need to people please. Instead, my defining years are composed of a squat, two-room cellar below a psychopath’s house. I threw up from a lack of food, not because I had one too many beers on a Friday night. My first orgasm was at the hands of a monster, not some bumbling man-boy who sweet talked me into going to his room so we could ‘talk’ someplace quiet.

He’s taken so much from me, and it feels like he’s still taking pieces. They’re smaller, chips in comparison to the chunks before, but parts of me, nonetheless. Every second spent thinking of him strengthens his hold over me. It’s fresh, and there’s plenty of time to grow and heal, but I don’t want to waste my life shackled by Liam Price. My thoughts deserve to be occupied by good things, not stuck in the past, obsessing over something I can’t change. It happened. And now I need to move on and learn to live with the memories. Too bad that’s easier said than done.

“I need to run some errands, but why don’t you guys show Saylor the other half of the house? She’s been here a week and still hasn’t seen it.” Lochlan looks annoyed by that but gathers his keys and stops beside me. “I’ll be back soon. Keep these assholes in line.” He smirks, kissing the top of my head before walking out the door.

“You’re leaving Saylor in charge?” Kash yells, his face awash with mock disbelief. “That’s the equivalent of a chihuahua leading a pack of wolves!” His rude comparison is met with silence. It’s actually funny, because small or not, I feel certain I could make him do just about anything. All I’d have to do is ask.

“Are you making fun of my size?” I drop my voice, giving him the same sad eyes and poked-out bottom lip I gave Havok when he ate my biscuit.

“Oh, no.” Kash points at me, slapping a hand over his face. “No, no, no, no. I know exactly what you’re trying to do, my little Sour Patch Kid. Just like medusa, if I don’t look, you can’t get to me.” I sniffle, smiling at the laugh Roan tries to cover up.

“Fuck,” he swears. “Is she really upset? Guys?” No one answers him. Kash growls, peeking through his fingers at me. “Oh, shit. I’m sorry. It was a joke, Best Friend.” He jolts forward, wrapping his arms around me. I roll my lips together, but when my gaze connects with Havok’s, he bursts into laughter.

“Did I just get played?” Kash asks no one in particular. He pulls back, shaking his head at the sweet smile I give him.

“You can hack code like nobody’s business, but somehow you’re still so goddamn dumb,” Krew jokes, pushing off the counter. “I need to work on a few things, but I’ll catch up as soon as I’m finished.”

“Let’s just agree, that if push came to shove, you’d do what I asked.” I give Kash a pointed look. “Now come on, I want to see this media room. I call dibs on movie choice.” I touch my nose, sliding off my stool as I wait for the guys to lead the way.

“No pushing or shoving required. Those big blue eyes can get you just about anything.” Kash winks, striding for the door that leads downstairs. I follow, surprised by how bright it is. Honestly, I hadn’t asked for a tour because anything resembling underground feels a little too triggering at the moment. But after the mental pep-talk I gave myself this morning, the least I can do is try to move past one of my fears.

“This is actually the first floor of the house, but we treat it like a basement. We keep the few windows down here closed off with hurricane shutters and the main door is secured inside that alcove.” Kash points behind the staircase.

“Why build it this way?” I ask curiously.

“Basements aren’t usually possible in Florida because of the water table,” Roan explains. “And safety. With the firing lane, it wasn’t possible to have windows on that side, and if anything were to ever happen, we’ve got this baby.” He points to a slit in the wall, using his palm to activate the built-in keypad. A steel door slides out, looking like something from a bank vault. “If anyone ever stepped foot onto our property with ill intent, this entire level would serve as a safe room. When we said you’d be protected here, we meant it.” I swallow, pushing past the knot of emotions clogging my throat.

“And over here, well…it’s pretty self-explanatory.” I peek behind Roan, taking in the wall of glass that showcases a state-of-the-art gym.

“Wow,” I remark, kinda lost for words. “That’s impressive.”

“And for your viewing pleasure, shows are twice daily. Early AM and late PM.” Kash holds out his hands like he’s Vanna White. I snort and shake my head at his absurdity.

“At the very end is the firing lane. And to our right is the media room,” Havok adds, strolling a few feet ahead. Overhead lights flicker on as soon we cross the threshold.