Page 44 of Library of Forbidden Books

The fragile, vulnerable bundle on her chest grabbed her finger. In response, a bolt of superhuman strength shot through Helene. She had never felt so powerful.

Now she had one more reason to fight and get out of Moringen.

Two months had gone by since his appointment with Reinhard Heydrich. Derek was starting to think that the Nazi leader would do nothing to release Helene, even though she was pregnant and the charges against her were light.

The meeting with Heydrich was one of the most difficult conversations Derek had ever had. The Nazi leader was a big man with harsh features and a cool gaze. He seemed to X-ray Derek with his eyes. To Derek’s relief, Heydrich liked soldiers, despite having been expelled from the army when he was younger over a matter of honor.

“I understand that your wife is pregnant. It’s unfortunate that she’s half-Jewish. You know our Führer’s opinion on the matter.”

Derek hung his head and dared not answer.

Heydrich’s eyes passed over the paperwork in front of him, and he continued, “Plus, apparently she carried out questionable projects in working-class neighborhoods and did not support the purging of anti-regime and Jewish librarians. Nor did she cooperate with the destruction of banned books . . .” Heydrich’s voice trailed off, and he glanced up at Derek. “My father is an artist. To support the family, he started a music school. He lived in poverty most of his life, but the character of an artist can never be truly broken. I’ll try to do something for your wife, but only on two conditions.”

“Yes, anything,” Derek swore.

“She must quit the library and have nothing to do with books any longer. What makes a race great isn’t found on the printed page. What make us great are our genetics, our unity as a people, and our great guide. He knows what’s best. The other condition is that she join the Party and concentrate on raising her children. I’m being exceptionally generous. She’s half-Jew. That’s too much blood from that breed of rats, but mixed with yours, we hope your children can become true Aryans.”

“Thank you so much. This kindness speaks to your character.”

Heydrich frowned. “Don’t think I’m doing anything out of pity. What matters to me here is that a German family continue procreating and expanding our great nation. A glorious future awaits us, a thousand-year Reich. Heil Hitler!”

Derek returned the salute with all his might, then walked carefully out of the office. His heart was beating out of rhythm, his head ached, and he had the sensation that Helene’s life was still dangling by a thread. But at least that conversation meant there might be hope for seeing her alive again.

Yet the weeks turned into months, just over two. Then one day a letter came. When the mailman left it on the doorkeeper’s stand, Derek knew Sebastian must have tried to see what was inside, but the envelope was dark. All that time Derek had managed to avoid telling him where Helene was. He trusted no one but their closest friends.

When he was alone and could open the envelope, Derek could not believe his eyes at first. The squared, typed letters announced unemotionally the day and time he could pick up Helene.

“They’re going to release her!” he exclaimed, picking up Kaiser and hugging him tightly as he danced around the apartment. The cat meowed in satisfaction, seeming to intuit Derek’s meaning. Then Derek started to sob. He tried to imagine Helene’s face and recall every feature, but his memory had started to fade, and he doubted certain angles, certain tones of her voice.

He dried his eyes and called Lena. After telling her the good news, he called Helene’s parents. Maria was relieved and happy, but not as jubilant as Derek expected.

“Is something going on?” Derek asked, puzzled.

“Well . . . I desperately want to see Helene. But, Derek, my mother just breathed her last.”

Derek was thunderstruck. They all knew this day would come sooner or later, but he could not believe the coincidence. He expressed his condolences and made arrangements for when he would go by to see his in-laws.

Part of his joy had vanished. He believed that times would get better, but bearing such pain all at once was too much. It was a heavy weight both on his shoulders and in the pit of his stomach. He could not understand why any of this was happening.

He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and imagined an oasis inside himself. That was what faith was for him—a safe haven that the desert of life could not encroach upon.

Chapter 25

Getting Out

Moringen

September 22, 1935

Helene sensed that time was the only unrenewable resource for human beings. Sand flowed relentlessly through the hourglass of her existence and, once it fell, never returned from the lower chamber. So, despite the challenges of having a baby at Moringen, she tried to continue with the rest of her activities. Everyone adored the child, except for Elke and her lackeys. It was incredible how one small human being could transform a situation and bring a bit of light and hope to one of the darkest places on earth.

The baby was healthy and happy. Ruth managed to get enough vitamins and supplements to Helene that she was able to nurse Alexander. Anna Klein, the one guard who maintained a shred of her humanity, had acquired clothes for him.

Helene had fashioned a sort of cradle for him beside her sewing machine, but she could not leave him there. She had to have him in her lap. Alexander was like an extension of herself, as if he were still inside her womb.

“He’s so cute!” one of the other prisoners said.

Helene smiled and beamed down at him with pride. Just then Anna Klein entered the workshop and told Helene that the head guard, Ilse Hasse, wanted to see her.