Page 8 of Derecho

God, I hated that asshole. “That’s fucked up.”

“Yeah. I know it is. I was gonna drive over by myself this afternoon after I stopped in to see Birdie and Juniper, but…” Her hands went to her back, and I could see her fingers dig into the muscles around her spine. “I just don’t have the energy to,” she admitted.

“I could take a look for you.”

Where the fuck had that offer come from?

“Uh, no offense, but I don’t think you want me parking my car up here.”

“I can walk over there.”

We both knew that was a lie. Lainey didn’t challenge me on that, but maybe it was the push I needed.

“Okay. Yeah. That would be great. I’m not an expert like you, but…” Lainey’s voice faded into the background as the beat of my heart grew louder in my ears. My eyes couldn’t stop looking at the edge of the porch.

This was no big deal.

There was no reason that I should be feeling dizzy.

I was going to help Lainey. I was going to do something for her. Her piece of shit fiancé couldn’t be bothered, but Birdie was about to become family when she married my brother, and she would want me to help her sister if I could…and I should be able to.

I took another step, Lainey now down the stairs and halfway to her car. A pregnant woman looked like a goddamn marathon runner next to how slow I was going.

“Lach? Are you okay?”

My cane was shaking in my hand. No—it was my whole goddamn body. Sweat pricked at the back of my neck, and my stomach clenched as I took another step toward the edge.

“I…” My mouth was dryer than a fucking desert, and no matter how hard I tried to focus on Lainey and the pathetically sad look she had on her face, it couldn’t distract me from what my mind was screaming at me.

Inside is safe.

Inside is quiet.

Outside, something bad could happen.

What if something happened?

Something bad is about to happen.

Dark spots danced across my vision as I tried to slow my breathing down. My mouth was still open, but it didn’t feel like I was getting any air into my lungs.

My body stepped back. Just one single step, and already the hooks were loosening. Because my mind knew. I was weak, and I was going to let the fear win.

“I…” I shook my head, turning away from her. “I’m sorry,” I whispered, knowing she would never hear the words. Because by the time they’d floated off the porch, I was already back inside.

My back pressed against the solid door, the breath sawing in and out of my lungs. I hated my mind. I hated my body. I hated this version of myself that I had no fucking control over. No matter how many times I tried, no matter how I framed it in my mind, I was never going to get out of this house.

I was never going to get off that fucking porch.

Lainey

“That baby’s coming soon.”

I laughed as I placed the tray of lasagna in Mrs. Peretti’s hands, but God, I hoped she wasn’t right. Nothing was ready. Nothing was right. Last week, I’d been a mess trying to figure out what the hell I was going to do about my car. And here I was, still without a plan.

“Honestly, I think he’s too snug in there. He’s determined to stay put and make this heat wave even more miserable for me.” My hands slid over my belly, resting at the bottom of my enormous bump as I stretched my back.

“Eh, boys are all like that. They stick to their mamas like glue. Why should yours be any different?”