Page 45 of Butterfly 6, Phase 1

Alani’s brows lifted in stun at her candor. “He’s also very much so taken. I don’t desire to be anyone’s side anything. Nor do I take advantage of my patients. I take the access and privacy of my patients very seriously. I just want to do my job. I’ve also invested in my worth enough to know I deserve to be the type of wife who has exactly what you have. The house, the kids, the staff, the riches, and the man who loves me enough to take care of me through sickness and health. You didn’t see the way your husband was when you were on that vent. It was the most dedicated show of love I’ve ever seen. It was mesmerizing to see a Black man love a Black woman like that. Do I think your husband is the goal? Yes. Is he my goal? Absolutely not. I want to do my job. I want to get you back to full health. I do not want any parts of a married man with three kids and a crazy wife.”

Alani nodded and gave a small smile, but it quickly dwindled as she thought of the conflict with the kids in the living room. “You can’t overstep the way you did earlier. Don’t ever interject when I’m talking to my kids or my husband.”

“I apologize. I was out of line,” Mara said. “I was only trying to help, but you’re right. That isn’t my place. It won’t happen again.”

Alani sighed. “Thank you for the reassurance, and for being here through my resistance.”

“Now, can we start over?” Mara asked with a friendly smile. “Hi, I’m Mara, and I’m an ICU nurse practitioner specializing in critical care patients and neurology.”

Alani shook her head, but she played along. “I’m Alani, your difficult patient.”

Mara laughed. “No argument there. Now, can we get this round of meds in?” Mara asked with a disarming smile. “Then maybe I can help you find whatever you’re looking for.”

Be less guarded, Alani thought. It was so hard to be open without her memories. It felt like she was walking around a dark room. It was hard not to be apprehensive in the dark. She kept anticipating a fall.

Alani motioned for her to fully enter, and Mara approached.

“You want to tell me what you’re looking for? I’ll keep my eyes out for it,” Mara said.

“I don’t know what I’m looking for. It just feels like everyone’s keeping so many secrets from me,” Alani sighed.

“I’m so sorry that it feels that way. I’m sure your family doesn’t mean for it to be that way, but I know it has to be hard and beyond frustrating.”

Mara helped Alani to the bed and handed her the water and a small paper cup full of pills.

“It’s even more frustrating because I feel like I have to smile and bear it. It’s like, if I do anything other than show gratitude for surviving, he’ll think I’m a terrible person. Sometimes I just want to scream.”

Mara sighed and took a step back. “Well, let it out,” Mara suggested. “Who says you can’t scream?”

Alani looked at Mara like she had three heads. “I can’t just scream like a crazy lady. I’ll scare the kids. They’ll think I’m losing the little mind God gave me back, girl,” Alani said, shaking her head.

“They’ll be alright,” Mara stated. “You need to blow off some steam. Come on, back on your feet. You need the walker?” Mara walked to the corner of the room and retrieved it.

Alani eyed it stubbornly.

“I mean, you don’t have to use it, but you’re only hurting yourself, Alani. It’s not the protest you think it is. You just overwork your body and pay for it later with the muscle aches. You’ve already been hobbling around your bedroom, so you’re going to be sore regardless. I got muscle relaxers on deck, however, so we can do it the right way or your way. I have your back either way.” Mara smiled.

Alani rolled her eyes, while shaking her head and smiling. “Fine, give me the old lady walker.”

“Look at that? Us seeing eye to eye,” Mara joked.

Alani chuckled and gripped the edges of the walker as she hoisted herself up onto her feet.

Mara led Alani over to the balcony, and they stepped outside.

“Go ahead, let it out,” Mara said as she motioned her hand over the massive property. The home wasn’t just a single-family residence; it was an estate, with the potential to transform it into a family compound if they chose to. They owned acres, enough to build homes for their children if they wanted. She could scream at the top of her lungs, and no one would hear.

“This is silly,” Alani said.

“This is therapy,” Mara said. “Want me to go first?” Before Alani could answer, Mara screamed. “Lord, please help me deal with this difficult patient!”

Alani snaked her neck back. “I ain’t know we were screaming sentences.”

Mara laughed. “Scream whatever you like…if you don’t know what to say, just scream.”

Alani held onto the walker, gripping the metal tightly.

“Aahhhhhhhh!” The scream ripped out of her chest. Alani’s scream faded into a deep sigh, and her eyes teared up as she began to laugh. It felt like she was short-circuiting. Her emotions were going from zero to a thousand and back. The scream, plus the urge to cry, and then the uncontrollable laughter. She felt it all, and she just let it out. “This is absolutely insane, but it feels so damn good.”