Page 306 of Coal Hearts

Could I help it that I wanted to feel love as much as I wanted domination?

That I needed to be affectionate, all while making her bleed?

Opening my eyes, I squinted behind the dark aviators I’d found in the wardrobe.

Clenching my belly, I sat up and swung my feet into the soft, spongy grass.

Ily didn’t react.

Sitting in a circular shadow-puddle made by the umbrella, she sat cross-legged like an enlightened saint. Her forefingers pressed together to form infinite circles, her palms up on her knees, her back as straight as the wand inked into her spine.

One of the towels I’d given her draped between her legs, hiding the fact she wore no underwear, and my borrowed t-shirt bunched enticingly around her hips.

I waved my hand in front of her closed eyes; she didn’t so much as twitch.

Was she asleep again? In a trance?

Snapping my fingers by her nose, I said, “Wake up, you’ve done enough sleeping.”

Her golden gaze shot wide.

I swear they shimmered with pure light before she scowled, and they filled with hate. “It’s rude to interrupt someone who’s meditating.”

“Oh, that’s what you were doing.” I eyed her stiff posture. “Funny enough, one of the girls I used to work with at a local pub said I should try that. Said it would help with whatever sadness she saw in me.”

Her eyes narrowed. “I don’t see sadness in you anymore. I only see a devil.” Dropping her hands from their strange position on her knees, she balled her fingers. “I see horns and bat wings, bone claws, and...” She drifted off before asking, “Do you know how you looked to me the other night? How my delusions painted you?” She shook her head. “Of course, you wouldn’t. Why would you? You were so drunk on your own fantasy that you were completely unaware of mine.”

“That wasn’t my fault. Peter confessed he drugged you against your will.”

“He did it to try to protect me.”

“Sounds as if he only made it worse.”

“Perhaps.” She shrugged angrily. “Or it just revealed your true colours, and now I’m aware of exactly who I belong to.”

The rush of her admitting she belonged to me almost made me tumble off the lounger.

My heart fisted.

My stomach clenched.

It took all my discipline not to yank the leash and order her onto my lap.

“I’m glad you’ve finally accepted your place.” My voice sounded hoarse and thick.

“My place?” She laughed icily. “My place is back home. My place is with my brother. My place is with the guy who made me believe in him, believe his lies, believe he was good and kind and courageous.”

I stilled. “I’m still that guy.”

She laughed. Far too shrill and manic to be considered sane. “Tell me, Henri,” she spat as if my name contaminated her tongue. “Was any of it real?” She held up her hand before I could speak. “And I don’t mean the things you said to me. The remarks that ‘I’m different’ and you’re ‘aware’ of me. Spare the seduction spiel, okay? I might’ve bought it back at the club and clung on to that stupid hope, but you proved—very ardently—that you’re incapable of feeling anything but lust and selfishness.”

Gritting my teeth, I focused on controlling myself.

Ily took my silence as the perfect opportunity to add more fuel to my already burning fires.

“Can you believe I actually thought you were with someone else on the outside? That you were a good little undercover cop, doing his job—which included doing me—but you kept yourself bound and almost bashful because you belonged to another.” She huffed. “I actually felt sorry for you. Sorry you had to touch me in ways you didn’t really want to. Sorry you had to stray so close to the line you said you always struggled with.”

My heart skipped a beat, picturing myself with anyone else but her. The picture looked all wrong. Distorted. It was her or no one. I’d chosen her. Fate had chosen her. We were a done deal for life as far as I was concerned.