Page 149 of Make You Mine

He holds me tight, eyes big. “Are you okay?”

I clear my throat. “Y-yes. Sorry. I was thinking of something and got caught up. Today is just⁠—”

This isn’t the reason why I’ve been so distracted, so unable to focus on us, yet I can’t confess that.

“Yeah.” He pauses. “I know. Let’s go.”

Today’s the end of a chapter. A new beginning. In more ways than one.

Kayden extends his hand toward me, something I’ve grown so used to, an action that’s so natural, I don’t hesitate before pressing my palm against his.

However, he doesn’t step through the doors.

We remain standing still, holding each other’s hands at the entrance of the church.

“Kayden?”

“Hmm?” He tilts his head.

“Are you okay?”

He nods. “Yeah. It’s just—you’re right. This is overwhelming.”

“Take your time, baby.” I spin him so we’re facing each other, and I press my hands to his face. “It’s okay. No one said this would be easy.”

Kayden’s been doing way better with his feelings than me.

I’m still more prone to writing out what I feel rather than saying it. But ever since we started going to therapy together right after what happened with Devon six months ago, he’s been better at speaking up, and expressing how he feels about everything. Processing the trauma he’s gone through his whole life.

Today…Today hits a nerve, that’s for sure.

“You can do this,” I reassure him, nodding at him while our eyes are still locked. “You’re the strongest person I know.”

“God.” He sighs, letting out the biggest breath. “You are so fucking inspiring. Look at you, acting like nothing happened and encouraging me this way. You’re the best fiancée ever, you know?”

I gasp at the word fiancée. I still can’t get over the sound of it. I’m a fiancée.

I can’t believe Kayden asked me to marry him a month ago, that our relationship escalated so fast. That we’re about to be a family. A real one.

“Babe.” I caress his face. “It’s okay to break down sometimes. Especially today. He might have been a monster, but he was your father.”

Of course, I’m affected by the fact that Kayden’s father is dead after struggling with a sickness for so long, even if that wasn’t what killed him. To the untrained eye, Kayden’s father’s cause of death wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. Undefined, but not rare for the illness he was carrying. It was bound to happen sometime.

We just made it happen sooner rather than later.

So yeah, it isn’t easy to do what we’re doing today. To show up at his funeral and pretend that we are grieving him. It’s harder for Kayden than for me, so I can understand his behavior and the hesitation in his steps.

He wasn’t my father.

Mine is still pretty much alive, and I hope rotting out there somewhere.

I decided to stop thinking about him, to not let him dictate how I live my life. If he wanted out of it, then it’s his loss. I’m not worth less because of his choices.

If there’s something I understand now—it’s that family doesn’t always have to be connected by blood.

Family is who we choose, who makes us feel safe and loved. And Kayden and I chose each other.

“I understand the internal conflict. I just want you to know that I’m here. And I’m walking in there with you.”