Page 31 of Falling for the King

‘I’m sorry, Katerina. Goodnight.’ Executing a slight bow he turned and left the room clicking the door shut behind him.

Noticing the use of her full name again she edged around the straight back chair and sunk onto the hard red velvet seat and covered her mouth. It wasn’t enough to stop the sob that filled the room. One full of loss and frustration carrying the premonition that what was to come wouldn’t get any easier. The one-sided attraction instead of abating would continue to grow. And just like that the life she’d planned in Maynet didn’t fill her with its usual sense of purpose and clarity. Resting her ahead against the top of the chair she closed her eyes, too tired, too despondent to move despite the uncomfortable angle and allowed herself to indulge in the greatest of fantasies, what if.

She’d met him first before Max.

That he believed in love and had fallen for her—madly, totally, completely.

That her background, her, was suitable to be his Queen.

That he was the one who’d waited for her at the altar of Maynet’s grand cathedral.

Scrubbing at her face with the heels of her hands she tried to erase the futile images. Such nonsense wouldn’t change anything, Xavier was out of bounds and always would be.

From the start she’d respected him which had grown stronger the longer she’d known him, seen his tireless work, his firm but measured rule. Initially she’d almost quaked with nerves in his presence and not because of his behaviour, he’d done all he could to assist the shy teenager she’d once been. Seven years in she wasn’t that girl anymore, thank goodness, although her regard for him had never wavered, it had only grown. And during these past weeks she’d gotten past the public façade and seen a side of him she’d never expected, the private, personal, sexy side. And the more she saw, the more she wanted. To be the confidante he turned to, the one to ease his burden, the one he’d let his guard down with, share his life with, who’d lie in his arms every night and in return she’d have the same.

She chased the thoughts around trying to understand his effect and the only thing she knew for certain—it was absolutely nothing to do with his title. Her feelings for him had changed, deepened, not for him as her king nor brother-in-law but as a man. One she was achingly aware of and potently attracted to. That had her sharing things she’d never told another, would never tell.

It hadn’t been like that during the long years of her lonely marriage, she traced it back to the day he’d informed her of Edgar’s proposal. Something had shifted between them. She was still at a loss to explain it other than it had been the first time she’d really glimpsed the man, not the king. And nothing had been the same since. She’d never been blind to his tall, dark, powerful looks so different from his slender fair-haired brother. He was all man, Max in comparison had been a teasing, playful boy, something you’d never label Xavier. He’d immediately been put in the intimidating kingly brother-in-law category and he’d never moved from that. Until a couple of weeks ago. Now he’d etched himself into a category she had no name for. Liar. There was a name she just didn’t want to open her mind to it and definitely not her heart. It jeopardised the carefully made plans for her future and all the things she needed to do to keep her feelings safe.

But it was too late.

Beads of sweat broke out along her forehead, between her breasts, down her spine.

Fear formed into a solid lump and lodged in her throat.

Her heart pounded, flipped, dropped.

She loved him.

She sprung out of the chair clenching her fists.

No. Not. That.

Love. The word settled in her head as the feeling anchored in her heart stripping away every layer of self-protection.

She. Loved. Him.

Her legs gave way and she fell back into the chair acknowledging what couldn’t be ignored—she’d been fighting this for weeks. And now there was no fight left only a stomach churning, breath-stealing realisation of the inevitable. That it was Xavier, only Xavier who she’d ever loved. Her schoolgirl-like crush for Max had been a poor imitation for the real thing, she’d been searching for love, acceptance, belonging and she’d foolishly believed she’d found it with sweet talking Max. She hadn’t and his ulterior motive hadn’t been revealed until after the wedding. He’d never loved her, neither had her father. There was something about her that made those closest to her unable to love her and she was never going to put herself up for that kind of rejection again. And now she’d fallen in love with a man who didn’t even believe in love. She choked out a laugh at the irony which quickly turned into another sob. There was nothing funny about imagining his horror, pity, if he ever knew—that’s why it must remain her secret, forever.

***

The next morning Katerina checked her upcoming schedule then closed her laptop and leant back against the upholstered bedhead dragging the quilt up over her chest. One long day on the royal train with Xavier, winding through the mountains visiting remote villages before arriving at the winter retreat. Nestled in the middle of a national forest they’d stay there for two nights. It was not what she wanted the day after realising her true feelings. She’d hoped to wake and realise it had all been a dream—it wasn’t. That she’d mistaken her feelings—she hadn’t. That she could avoid spending all that time with him while their respective teams had a day’s well deserved rest—she couldn’t.

Instead, she thought of her meeting with Edgar last night and the confidence it’d given her. She’d managed him even though she’d been so nervous leading up it. She’d done it. She smiled and looked past the curtains she’d opened to the rain pelting against the window, and the buildings reflected in the dim morning light. Her smile flattened, everything was drab, grey, and without having yet ventured outdoors she knew it would be another freezing day. Looking down to the vast courtyard housed in the middle of the governor’s residence a runner came into view and even at this distance she could see his determined expression, the punishing pace he set. Xavier. She leant forward, her breath quickening in time with his furious footsteps, taking in dark hair plastered against his head, a long-sleeved running top stuck to his sizeable chest and ripped stomach. Her own stomach pitched as she continued her journey down past dark shorts worn despite the weather and long muscled thighs, bunching and stretching as his feet hit the ground. Goosebumps broke out in recognition across her body and heat pooled between her thighs. Crossing her arms she rubbed them never once taking her eyes off him as she pressed further back against the bedhead, although there was no way he could see her.

She sucked in a breath and reminded herself, it’s the midpoint of the tour, you’re on the home run. She only needed to get through another fourteen days and nights then she would be back to normal. Only? Normal? She really had lost her mind.

The rattle of the breakfast tray in the next room and a knock on the connecting door jerked her attention away from the window. In one quick movement she threw back the covers and grabbed her grey robe. Pushing her arms through the wide sleeves she wrapped it around her waist and opened the door.

‘Good morning, Vicki,’ Katerina said to her morning dresser who looked fresh, young and excited. None of the things Katerina knew she’d see if she looked in a mirror. After another night of tossing and turning she couldn’t imagine any amount of make-up would be able disguise it as the fear of discovery shivered down her back. Rubbing her arms again she moved into the sitting room to the table where Vicki had placed the morning newspapers and today’s list of outfits to match the itinerary.

Vicki looked up from the cup of tea she was pouring, part of their morning ritual.

‘Are you feeling alright? You haven’t showered?’ Vicki asked worry hitting her face as she noticed Katerina still in her nightdress and robe. Normally she’d be showered, her hair washed ready for Vicki to do her hair, make-up and assist with any wardrobing requirements. Rarely had she seen her unprepared and definitely not during this tour, Vicki’s first. Six months into the job she did the morning shift and Kerrie the afternoon one. Both of them graduates from hair, make-up and fashion schools that trained people from disadvantaged backgrounds. Each year Katerina selected two graduates to work with her for twelve months before starting the process again. It had proven a successful program with all her former staff going on to launch great careers for themselves with the assistance of ongoing mentoring.

‘Yes, a bit slow today.’

‘No wonder, you must be exhausted. What a couple of weeks it’s been and I heard the fundraiser went later than expected.’ And far later before she’d eventually gone to bed after she’d carefully packed away her jewellery in the safe that always travelled with her. After that she’d tossed and turned for hours before finally falling into a restless, short-lived slumber. Then giving up all attempts at sleep and opening her computer.