Page 56 of Falling for the King

‘I know that.’

‘Do you? I think you’re letting the past dictate the future, but it doesn’t have to.’ It had taken her years to see that. Xavier’s faith in her, his passion, her love for him had helped unbind her from the past. And Xavier needed that, not to be locked there in pain. To think of him like that hurt as much as his inability to love her.

‘I … I can’t give you what you want. I’m truly sorry.’

‘So am I. I’m going to leave tonight; I’ll head to London for a couple of weeks.’

‘What? Now?’

‘I’m sorry about the tour but I can’t stay. I need time, I need—’ her voice broke and she bit down on her trembling lip.

He moved towards her; she stopped him with a raised hand.

‘I don’t care about the tour. It’s you I care about. Please, Kat … I … I never meant for any of this, I—’

‘No more, Xavier, no more.’

‘I can’t convince you to stay … with me?’ he whispered his face ashen.

Yes! If you loved me, I’d never leave you.

She shook her head, not trusting herself to speak. She had to stay strong so she could leave and somehow put herself together to get through this. But she had no idea how.

***

Two weeks later, at the last official function of the tour, Xavier caught a flash of silvery blonde hair piled high in a bun moving through the room and his heart lurched, blood pounded. Kat! She’s back.

Mid-conversation with an elderly couple he lost all train of thought except the desperate aching need to see Kat, talk to her, touch her, be with her.

Without apology he jerked around and took a hurried step, then another in her direction, before realisation dawned. It wasn’t her. Of course, it wasn’t. For a start the other woman was too tall, her hair not right and he’d be informed when Kat returned to the country. If, she returned.

The acid burn of devastation replaced hope, excitement, anticipation. His shoulders slumped and he stopped, right in the middle of the room.

On a shake he remembered himself, his manners and turned back to the clearly surprised couple. Excusing himself he headed purposely through the packed room to the door, his demeanour not encouraging anyone to interrupt him.

Official business they’d think. Only something important would make the king leave an event where he was guest of honour. And it was something important, he needed to pull himself together before he completely lost it in a room full of people, and that could never happen. This jarring incessant ache for her that nothing he did could shake, had intensified during the last two weeks, not eased. No-one could know that.

Speculation had been rife since Kat had left the country after the photos landed on the web. He’d issued a press release that she’d gone on a personal visit overseas, that was all he’d say, would ever say, and he hadn’t mentioned the photos. Still the press had had a field day. But that wasn’t what kept him awake at night. It was what he could have said and done differently, along with his endless yearning for her.

He knew those in his inner circle were worried about him. He hated that. He was not the type of king anyone should ever be concerned about. He was not his father.

Standing alone in the private reception room reserved for his use, his security team remained outside as he tried to get himself back under control. Even still he couldn’t prevent listening out for the tap of the impossibly high heels she always wore. He wanted to debrief the evening, the day with her, like they had between events. That in the first two weeks of the tour he’d come to enjoy, depend on. Throwing ideas back and forth, wanting her thoughts on the people they’d met, places they’d visited. He’d never had that before, that kind of partnership. And now he wondered how he’d live without it. Rubbing a hand over his face he let out a weary sigh. He’d last laid eyes on her when she rejected his proposal and that very same night she’d left the train, tour, country, him. She was overseas, he knew that, but there’d been no contact. None at all despite the constant checking of his phone, for what purpose? That she’d changed her mind? He rubbed a hand over his face again and planted his hands on the table in front of him. He needed to get through tonight then it would be all right. He’d be back at the palace, to a sense of normalcy, and everything would be okay. Now all he had to do was believe it.

***

The next evening Xavier sat behind his desk in the palace office and looked over to Frederick sitting alone on the other side.

‘I’ve got the invitation for Regina Matthews, the second on your list, to meet you now you’re back. When do you want me to arrange it?’ Frederick asked at the end of their meeting to set the post tour priorities, including a range of projects Xavier had identified could be handed over, much to the surprise of his chief aid.

‘No,’ Xavier practically shouted, his collar feeling like it was strangling him before he drew in a deep breath. ‘No, I’m not going to meet her.’

Frederick shifted in his chair.

‘Who would you like me to arrange for you to meet or have you decided to see Serena again?’ Frederick asked carefully, too carefully after their years of working together. Although at his recent behaviour Xavier could hardly blame him for being cautious.

‘No.’

He had no interest in meeting any of the women who fit his criteria as potential wives. He didn’t want to waste his time, nor theirs. It wouldn’t feel right when he had no intention of following through.