Page 95 of The Christmas Highland Lodge

Blake’s mouth twisted with fury and resentment through his beard. ‘You told her that you had to get away, that you weren’t cut out to be a father.’

‘I never once said that, Blake. I did tell her I wasn’t cut out to be her husband, but I never said I thought I wasn’t up to the job of being a father to you.’ His voice was pleading. ‘I wanted that to continue more than anything. I still wanted to be your dad. I don’t know what your mother was thinking.’

Blake’s eyes were harsh. ‘Really? I think I can guess. She was thinking that she had failed you and that the man she loved had left her and their son when we needed you. She was in love with you.’

Jason paced up and down a few feet away from us, as the twigs and frost crunched under his boots. ‘I said I wanted to be a father to you. Ok, not living under the same roof, but be around to watch your grow up and support you both, not just financially but emotionally.’

Blake flicked him a long, pain riddled look. ‘So why didn’t you then?’

Jason closed his eyes for a few seconds. ‘Don’t make me do this, Blake.’

‘Do what?’

There was another harsh silence, squeezing the air out of everything. ‘Betray the memory of your mother.’

Rage charged headlong across Blake’s face. ‘You’re lying. All of this is a shitful of lies.’ He gestured to Rob, standing like a blond fashion model on the cabin porch steps. ‘How dare you rock up after all these years with your pretty boy and try to tell me you tried? It took a car accident – a near-death experience – to make you think about me? That says it all. You couldn’t wait to get away and live the life you should have lived.’ Blake struggled to bite back the croak in his voice. ‘And then you blame my dead mother for keeping you away from me?’

He threw his hands into the air.

‘If I had known all that money hadn’t come from gran but from you…’ Blake let out a dry laugh. ‘God, I must be so stupid. I did wonder how my grandmother was able to keep depositing money like that.’

Blake dragged a confused, tired hand down his face. ‘I don’t know what’s the truth and what isn’t.’

I snatched up one of Blake’s hands in mine.

Blake didn’t seem to notice. His voice was quieter. ‘If I’d known that the money had come from you, I wouldn’t have spent it. I wouldn’t have wanted it in the first place.’

‘I can understand that,’ admitted Jason. ‘But I wanted to try and ensure you were provided for.’ He raked a troubled hand through his silvery hair. ‘When your mum and I parted, I insisted that I financially support both of you. I wanted to look out for her too.’

Jason gave his head the briefest shake, as though even now, all these years later, he couldn’t reconcile it all. ‘Despite not earning much from her childminding job, she refused to accept any assistance from me at all for herself.’

I clasped Blake’s hand tighter beside me. I could feel the mixed-up tension rattling through him. It sounded like Saffron had been hell-bent on cutting all ties with Jason, even though she must have known it would be such a struggle for both her and Blake.

Jason puffed out his cheeks in frustration, as the cabin he and Rob were staying in twinkled invitingly behind him. ‘I can understand why she refused help from me. She was hurting so, so much. She wanted me gone from her life and not to have the reminder of it. But to make you suffer like that too.’ He gave his head a weary shake. ‘Your mother must have wondered where all that money came from. She must have known your gran wasn’t financially independent like that; she must have suspected the other money was from me.’

Blake took a few faltering steps away. ‘I don’t need to hear all this. You changed Mum from a happy smiling young woman into someone who didn’t want to get up in the morning.’ Blake’s mouth twisted. ‘She ended up in an early grave. You abandoned us both.’

His mouth sneered.

‘It’s not my fault you almost died in a car accident and then found your conscience. You should have thought about me long before now. If you had, my memories as a kid could have been happy ones!’

Blake’s words about his childhood tore at my insides. They spun across to his father in a whirl of fury. ‘When you walked out on us, you took any hope of a happy childhood I might have had with you.’

He fired a chilling stare at his dad and then at Rob. ‘You can’t tell me anything different.’

And with that, the three of us watched Blake stride off and disappear into the woods.

Chapter Twenty-Four

I didn’t know whether Blake would listen to me, but I had to at least try. I pulled my coat tighter around myself, as the December breeze rattled through the bare trees. The last thing I wanted was him to be on his own, conflicted and emotional. ‘I’ll go and try to find him.’

A grateful expression reared up in Jason. ‘We’ll come with you.’ He started to dash back up the porch steps of the Winter Wonderland cabin. ‘We’re only staying here in Craig Brae in the cabin for a night and then we head home to Brighton tomorrow for Christmas. I need to talk to him now.’

Rob shot out one arm. ‘No, I don’t think you should, Jason. At least not yet.’ He offered his distraught partner a soft smile. ‘Let him get it all straight in his head first that you’re here.’ He nodded at me. ‘Lottie might be able to get through to him better than we ever could.’

‘I don’t know about that,’ I blustered.

Jason studied me. He suddenly looked a little older and less sure of himself. ‘No, you’re right, Rob. I will speak to him, but not right now. Lottie, have you got your mobile with you?’