Page 84 of The Bookshop By the Loch

His dark brown eyes brimmed with anguish as he turned his attention back to Caroline. “Naomi wanted to give you the one thing you couldn’t have. She knew you and Bernard would be such wonderful parents.”

“I can only begin to imagine how it must have been for all of you,” I said, glancing at the empty chair where Tobias had been sitting only moments before. “I know it’s easy for me to say, but please try not to worry. It would be a shock for anyone. Tobias just needs time to come to terms with everything.”

Once Trevor and Caroline had departed Book Ends in a flurry of concern over Tobias, I typed up a quick notice, printed it off in the office and then attached it to the shop door, explaining that Mirror Image Portrait Gallery would be closed for the rest of the day for personal reasons and apologised for any inconvenience.

I then spent the rest of my time not able to concentrate on anything except Tobias. My attempts at ringing him were met with an unanswered phone, before his voicemail kicked in.

I left a couple of messages, but he didn’t call me back.

I trudged home at the end of the day, replaying the conversations from this morning over and over.

Families. Parents. What a painful, emotional mess they could make of things, when they put their minds to it!

Because I’d been so preoccupied by Tobias, Trevor and Caroline, my parents’ meeting for a heart-to-heart had been relegated to the recesses of my mind.

I arrived back at Mum’s, relieved to tear off my work clothes and jump into my jeans and a T-shirt. I kept recalling Tobias storming out of the bookshop, hurt and pain blazing out of him.

I didn’t feel hungry, but thought I’d better try to eat something.

Grandpa had already eaten and was muttering over the newspaper crossword.

I rooted around in the fridge and after deliberating for five minutes, I decided I couldn’t cope with a full-blown meal and opted instead for scrambled egg and salmon on a bagel. Mum would have been horrified. Good job she was out meeting up with my father.

I eyed my phone as I chopped up the fresh Scottish salmon to lay over the top of my scrambled egg. Still no response from Tobias.

My concern mounting, I picked up my mobile and decided to ring him again, before sitting down to eat.

I paced up and down the kitchen, my bare feet slapping against the cream-coloured linoleum tiles.

I was about to hang up, when there was a sharp click that took me by surprise. “Hi, Lexie.”

I started. Part of me had been expecting his voicemail again. “Oh. Hi.” I couldn’t disguise the relief in my voice. “I just wanted to check you were ok. I rang a few times earlier.”

“I had a couple of meet-ups with portrait commissions. I didn’t have to, but I wanted to keep busy after… well, you know, this morning.”

“I can understand that.”

I continued to stride around and fetched a knife and fork from the cutlery drawer. “Tobias, I know this must have been the last thing you were expecting to hear and you can tell me to mind my own business, but I believe that the four of them were trying to do what they thought was best for you at the time.”

He gave an unconvincing murmur.

“They should’ve told you years ago and not let you find out the way you did, but if it’s any consolation, Trevor and Caroline are in bits over this. It’s obvious how much they love you and how much Naomi and Bernard did too.”

And could you be beginning to love him too? questioned a teasing voice in my head. The thought lit up in my chest but I ignored it.

Tobias’s preoccupied voice interrupted my thoughts. “Let’s face facts. They’ve made a right cock-up of the whole thing. You’re being very diplomatic.” He hesitated. “Lexie, thank you again for being there today for me. It means a lot.”

I found myself gripping my phone tighter. My heart zinged. “Oh, don’t mention it.”

“No. Really. These past couple of weeks; well, I don’t know what I’d have done without you.”

There was another pause. My stomach swooped. This was ridiculous.

My mind was choked with images of Tobias. I could keep denying my feelings. No matter how hard I persisted in telling myself that I had no interest in Tobias, I knew I was lying to myself. He was running away with my heart and no matter how hard I tried to fight it, it was useless.

I couldn’t carry on like this. What with Celeste’s condition and my dad’s revelation about his illness, life was precious and had to be grabbed with both hands. Happiness was a priceless commodity.

I recalled Tobias’s words about me being a good friend, but right now, they didn’t matter. What mattered was me getting how I felt about him out into the open. I thought I would burst otherwise. Ok, he might not feel the same way. Actually, scrub that. He’d told me he didn’t. But I wanted him to know how I felt and I would just have to handle the consequences. I couldn’t carry on, tucking away my feelings for him and pretending they didn’t exist. No regrets. Celeste and Dad had taught me that.