Page 23 of End Of Never

Rolling out of bed, I head into Haley’s room and slide into bed with her. “Morning, babe. Want to go on a walk with Teddy and me?” She opens one eye and peeks at me. I give her my best grin. “I’ll buy you breakfast.” That grants me another eye, “Annnnd a coffee?” She sits up, rubbing her eyes.

“Yeah, I can do that.” I fly out of her bed.

“Great, we leave in ten.” I head to my room to get dressed.

We pull into the driveway, and Teddy comes running out, followed by Jace, for fuck sake. Haley gives him her best mean mug, and I follow suit. He stands there proudly with the leash in his hands and a coffee in the other. “I made you a coffee.” He attempts to hand me the coffee cup.

“No thanks, it’s probably poisoned.” I grab the leash and hook it on Teddy. I nod at Haley, and we start down the walkway.

Jace hollers back, “Nope, just contaminated!” I lift my hand and flip him off.

Haley and I circle a few blocks, talking about our jobs, life, and her newest boy toy. “Speaking of boys, Jace turned into a man.” I lift my eyebrows, “A man that we hate…” She smiles shyly, “Listen, he’s still a dick, and we still hate him, but he grew up. He’s hot.”

I shake my head, “He’s always been hot. It’s infuriating,” She nods and smiles in agreement. “I just can’t go back there. Not to that space.” Haley stops mid-step and grabs my arm.

“Lills, if you did, you would make it. You aren’t who you used to be. Maybe instead of burying the pain, you should feel it. He’s here, and if he bought a house, he isn’t leaving anytime soon. So use it to your advantage. Let him have it, all this rage and pain, give it to him. It’s his fault.” She isn’t wrong. Holding this weight is burdensome. I don’t want it anymore. I want to free myself, but I’m afraid the scars run too deep. This isn’t something I can pass off to the next person; it's mine to carry, no matter how they got there or who gave them to me.

The walk ends, and Haley stays outside, taking a work call on the phone. When Teddy and I step in, Jace is sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. His tattoos dance up his hand, to his forearms, before winding around his bicep. His fingers rest in his short black hair, and his eyes are closed. “Hey,” my voice comes out soft, and he lifts his head.

He sits up, leaning back on the couch, rubbing his hands on his work pants. “Hey.” Walking over, I set the leash on the table and sit in his dad’s famous chair. “How’s Zeus?”

“Good, all better, no more blood or ass scooting.” He gives me a small smile.

We both go to say something, cutting each other off, “I’m gonna head out.” Jace shakes his head and leans forward, placing his forearms on his thighs. Standing up, he matches my movements, standing directly in front of me, making my breath hitch. His earthy, woodsy scent lingers in the space between us, and his dark, wet hair shines in the living room light. I take a step back, regain control, and remove him from my space. He takes a step forward, my eyes fight with his, silently begging him to let me go.

“Lil. Will you have dinner with me? I need to explain.” I shake my head fiercely.

“Don’t call me that, and I can’t. I’ve got to go.” I turn towards the door, and he grabs my arm, pulling me into him.

He moves me backwards against the door. Pinning me there, “Tell me you feel it. The pull, just like that night. Tell me, you didn’t forget.” I can feel his hard, muscular body pressed on mine, tempting me with lies and promises. His breath falls over me, minty and warm. I look up into his begging eyes.

My heartbeat slams against my rib cage. I know Jace can feel it, because I can feel his. My words come out in a tortured whisper, “I didn’t forget, all I feel is betrayal. That pull ended in heartbreak.” I turn around inside the arms that fall to his side. Without another word, I open the door and leave him, just as he once left me.

Chapter 22

Jace

Hayden heads off to work after we eat breakfast, leaving me with Mr. Wilder for the day. We always have a good time, playing cards or going on walks. He likes to play with Zeus, so today, he tagged along. Some days are better than others, and today isn’t a good day.

Helping Mr. Wilder to his chair, I get him all comfortable, and sit on the couch next to him. “You like your dog yet?” He gives me a sly smile that makes me laugh.

“He’s alright. It’s taken me a while to look at him without breaking down over what I lost that day.” Zeus jumps up in John’s lap, making himself at home right between his legs.

“You can only do so much, Jace, then it’s up to God. You saved this dog, the very thing that boy was running after. You kept his need to save him alive, love him, son. Love him how that boy would have.” This man is a walking Hallmark card; his words are full of wisdom and love. He’s preaching about a God I’m not sure I believe in, putting his hope in someone and something I can not see. “Tell me about the Lady who's made an Eeyore out of you.” He smiles at me, his smile wide, making me laugh.

“I tried to get her to have dinner, and she basically told me to go to hell.” He nods, lifting his hand, waving me on to continue. “She said, all she sees is betrayal when she looks at me.”

“You know what helps with betrayal? Honesty. It isn't her fault that she doesn't know your situation if you haven’t told her. Nor is it your fault that you don't understand hers. It is called communication.” Yup, tried that. “Hurt is a hard thing to come back from; it takes time, and a lot of patience. You’ve been talking about this girl for as long as I’ve known you, something tells me, you can wait till she’s ready.”

Letting a big sigh, “What if she never is?” He nods his head.

“That’s a possibility, but something tells me she just needs time and truth.” He’s like a damn owl. I change the topic to work, and we talk about Hayden and how he is enjoying having his son here, but he feels like he’s stealing his time. When really, he’s giving Hayden all the time he can, while he can, and that is far more important.

I decide to text Lilla. I have to keep trying; she needs to know why I didn’t come back right away. The boy I was wasn’t the man she deserved. I needed to grow up and figure out who I was before I could show her what she was missing, because fuck, have I missed her.

Jace:

Hey, Lil. It’s Jace. Can we talk?