Page 27 of End Of Never

Lilla:

🖕

He finally stopped trying to talk me into a situation I didn’t want to be in. What Jace will come to learn is that I do what I want, when I want to do it. I don’t hold back anymore, and I sure as shit don’t let people push me around, especially him.

I didn’t want to be in his home, in his space.

A space I haven’t been a part of for the last eight years.

It felt wrong, almost sinister.

My emotions about his sudden need to jump back into my life had me on a pendulum; my heart wanted to bury all things, Jace Evans. Meanwhile, my lady parts were craving to grip him, forcing him to give me everything he'd denied me for the last eight years. Every. Last. Drop.

Driving over there in silence, my heart races as my thoughts overtake the quiet. I’m really doing this. Not for his dick, and certainly not to ease the constant throb between my thighs, that only seems to intensify the closer I get. I’m going over there to tell him off, to set the record straight. He isn’t my type anymore. The heartbreaker. He stays on his side of town, I stay on mine. Nodding my head with each thought, locking it in and pumping myself up for this fire, raging to be released.

Pulling into his driveway, Jace is already standing outside. His black dress shirt hugs him in all the right places, showing off his forearms and the veins that run down them. The top button is undone, giving his muscular traps room to move. He starts heading toward me as my car shuts off. Swallowing hard, I gather myself and remind myself why I’m here and what I came to do. Bad bitch energy, remember?

He opens my door. His smile is firm, his posture rigid, as if he’s holding something back; his sparkling white teeth draw my gaze to his lips, which curl into a smile. “Hey, Lil.” Sliding out of my 4Runner, I shut the door behind me. Then, his posture turns rigid as he turns and runs past me into his house. “Shit, shit, shit.” I follow him quickly. What is happening?

Following him inside, he runs to Zeus, “Do not poop on my floor.” He lifts Zeus off the carpet, as runny poop comes out, all over Jace. I can’t help it, it’s like a bloopers reel. The laughter I was trying so hard to suppress comes flowing out. Jace looks down, completely appalled, “This damn dog, I hate him, I didn’t even want the damn thing. Buuut no, Hayden just had to make me have him. ‘He’ll be good for you.’ ‘It will help you remember what we saved.’ Yeah, well, all I see when I look at him is what I lost, and now this little mut is shitting his guts out all over my house, after weeks of rubbing his tainted ass on my carpet.” I don’t know when my laughter stopped, but when his rant is over, the quiet blankets us. Jace looks up at me, realizing I’m still now, “I’m sorry, that went 0-100 real quick, I’ll be right back.”

Walking over to Jace, I grab Zeus, extending him out as far as I can to ensure I also don’t get shit on. “You go get freshened up, I’ll take care of him.”

After getting Zeus cleaned up, I move to the back room where Jace disappeared, peeking at him around the corner. He stands over his dresser, arms outstretched. I watch him in the dresser mirror with his eyes closed, breathing slowly. He must sense my presence because he turns around. “Sorry, you didn’t have to clean him up; I would have. I just–uh, needed a minute.” His eyes scan my body, “You look gorgeous, ready to go?” He stands close, brushing his hand against my fingers. I pull my hand away from his touch on instinct, just as his pager goes off. “Fuck.” His word comes out in a harsh whisper.

I get it. I get the job. Is it selfish of me to feel disappointed that I wanted him to stay? I needed him to. For selfish reasons, I wanted him to put me first, “Go. It’s fine. I’ll stay here with Zeus and keep an eye on him, and also make sure you don’t come home to a shit-bombed house. You go save someone.” The second the words leave my mouth, a sting slams into my heart. I stand here telling him to do the very thing he promised me he’d do for me, and I believed him.

“I’ll be back as soon as I can, I promise. Just wait for me.” All I can do is nod.

I did wait.

I waited for years for him to come back and keep his promise. Every day waiting was another break to my already frail and broken heart. He did the very thing my parents had done; he left without looking back, stomping all over those promises and my heart all at once. My breath hitches as memories flood back in. I swallow down my emotions, shift my focus, and tighten the mask that I had slid into place before I stepped through his front door. The veil of confidence and an unscathed heart. When the truth is, my heart has never been fully fixed; it was patched just enough to keep it beating, but never completely healed.

I follow him out, holding myself together until the front door closes. It’s in that moment that I let myself replay the harsh words he said, surrounding his dog, and the person he lost. I know what grief looks like, after all, I’m a professional at losing people, especially the ones who are still breathing.

Instead of letting myself sink into the dark hole of the never-ending wars within, I get up and start snooping, because what else am I going to do?

Chapter 24

Jace

Can't a fucking thing go right tonight? I finally had her in my house, in my space, the place I’ve been craving her to be for months. Then my fucking dog shits on everything, including me, annnnnd there's a fucking fire.

It’s nearly one a.m. by the time I’m on my way home, and I hope like hell she’s still there, but I wouldn’t fault her if she weren’t.

Pulling into the driveway, her car is still there, and all my worries fade.

She stayed.

I open the door slowly, hoping that if she’s sleeping, I don’t wake her. Walking up the stairs, Zeus jumps off Lilla, who is sleeping peacefully on my couch, or was. Zeus' mighty leap made her nearly jump out of her skin. “Zeus,” I scold, “come on, boy. Shh.” Leaning down, I pick him up and give him the love I know he deserves. “I don’t hate you, sweet boy.” He licks my face like the crazy puppy he is. Lilla sits up on the couch, “Sorry, I’m back so late, the fire was a mess.”

She stands up, “Glad you’re back, I’m gonna go. The house is poop-free, and he seems to be feeling better.” She folds the couch blanket and tries to pass by me.

Reaching out, I grab her arm, “Wait, we didn’t talk, let me make us coffee or tea, or some food, just—stay.” She bites the inside of her lower lip and rolls her neck. I fucking hate how desperate I sound, but she’s finally here, and I’m not about to let her go so easily.

“I did stay, Jace. I didn’t come here for coffee, or tea, or even a good time. I came here because if you are living here, I need to figure out how to make it work. You stay on your side of town, and I’ll stay on mine.” Her voice falls, as she drops her gaze to the floor between us, where Zeus sits smiling. She tries to pull herself free, so I tighten my grip, capturing her attention.

“No. We are talking—you and me. Whatever this is—we figure it out right now.” I can hear the plea in my voice.