Page 28 of End Of Never

She yanks her arm from my hold, “We’re nothing, Jace. You made sure of that when you left, when you walked out and never came back. I did wait, Jace. I waited for you for years, for an explanation, for a reason why you would leave me behind with the mess you made.” She turns around and begins pacing my floor. “You took what you wanted from me, and you left. And from the looks of the pictures on your dresser and in your drawer, you found someone else to jump into, just fucking fine. So no Jace, there is no you and me, there is no us.” I drift towards her, slowly, as she backs up with each advance I make.

“What do you think I took, Lil?” She rolls her eyes, and finally, her back hits the wall that separates the kitchen and living room.

This time she yells, “Don’t act like you don’t know what you did! What we did. I gave you the only part of myself that wasn’t broken, and you broke it. You took my virginity, and you ran with it.”

Shock spirals through me as it grabs hold of my heart and crushes it. Her face drops as her chin starts to shake. I lift her chin so her ocean eyes sync with mine, “Lil, baby—I never took that from you. You were so drunk, so vulnerable, I held you until you fell asleep, and then—” I pause, knowing this is the admission she’s waiting for, and has been for eight damn years. But I have to say it, because ultimately, it’s true. “Then, I left. But understand me, I wanted you, I craved you.” She pushes my chest, pushing me back, escaping my blockade.

“No. You don’t get to call me baby. You don’t even get to call me Lil. You lost the privilege of cute nicknames. You don’t get to stand there and tell me how you cared for me. All this time, I thought—everyone thought—I was the whore, the boyfriend stealer, I was the slut who took you from Ava. You left, and I was the target. I was the one who got beaten up, left with a broken arm and wrist. The redness that painted the whites of my eyes took forever to fade, but not from crying that you left, no, from being kicked so many times in the eye socket. I got picked on, and not just by Ava, but by a boy who believed I was easy. I was assaulted because he believed my ‘no’ was a joke, ‘come on, Lilla, you fucked Jace after ten mintutes.’ You know the worst part, Jace? I didn’t have parents to run to, to save me from the beatings. I was alone. I didn’t have a home; I had a house where my thoughts paraded around me, where the only comfort I had was solitude, with voices screaming at me that I'm not enough. They reminded me of the truth that I so foolishly forgot, I am unlovable...” She was seething at this point, a ball of rage and hurt. My heart broke for her, for what I did. The broken Lilla I knew was pouring out in an avalanche of agony. Her mask was off, and her heart was yelling at me, speaking the truth she needed to get off her chest, and I did just as Mr. Wilder said, I listened. I take in every word, like a knife to the chest with each held back sob, and each jab she made, I take it, and I bleed.

She’s standing still, her chest heaving as she tries to control her breathing, “Lilla,—I’m so fucking sorry. I swear to you, I didn’t want to go. I had no choice.” She shakes her head no as I back her up against the wall, holding her there with the front of my body, plastered to hers. My heart pounds with tribulation. Grabbing both sides of her face, I hold her gently, reassuring her, I’m not like them. I’m not going to force her, but I’m going to force her to feel, to hear me, even though nothing I could ever say would be enough to erase what happened to her; no response will destroy the monsters within her mind telling her it was her fault. I am at fault, she is the victim, in a situation I caused.

“Jace, you broke our promise. You left, taking all my trust and what was left of my heart with you. You didn’t break me, you destroyed me…and I burned whatever pieces were left.” I place my sweaty forehead to hers, pinning her head back, forcing her to look at me.

“I never meant to hurt you. I’m so fucking sorry I did. You are strong, you are a force, Lilla Lane, a fire that I promise to match.” Her chin shakes as she bites her lip, fighting back tears. “I won’t back down. You can fight me, but baby, I love the chase. Fighting these feelings, right here—” Reaching down, I grab her hand, placing it on my pounding heart, “Is only feeding my craving, my need to devour you in every possible way.” A tear falls from her cheek as my words land. I push myself firmly into her, she lets out a shaky breath, and I kiss away the lone tear that rolls down her cheek. “Fuck Lilla, I missed your touch. I’ve tried to be with others, but no one was you. It has always been you, and it always will be. You are the keeper of my heart.” She whimpers in my hold, giving the sexiest smirk, as she tries to hold it back.

“Jace—I—” I can’t withstand the way my name falls breathlessly from her lips.

“Baby, get out of your head.” With one hand, I grab her neck, and my thumb runs along her quivering jaw. “Let me help you remember what it felt like to be seen by me.” Without giving her time to respond, my hand snakes up behind her back, lacing my fingers in her hair. I push her head into mine, our lips barely touching. Here I wait, feeling her rapid breath on my ready lips. Lilla’s body falls into mine, her eyes at war with mine, begging me for something we both don’t understand. Patiently, I wait for her to want me as much as I want her, and finally, her lips crash against mine, stealing her lips. I kiss her as if a kiss alone could rid her of the past.

As our tongues fight one another for more. She’s been through some things she can’t forget, but I want to erase the thoughts that run on loop in her head. This is the kiss I've been waiting for, the kiss that lights a fire, one I never wish to put out. Her lips are tender, with each movement we sync together, silently begging for more.

She breaks our kiss, “Jace—”

My hand comes up to grasp her slim neck, rubbing my thumb along her jaw. I smile as her lips dance along my grin. “Shh, Baby. Don’t pretend if I stuck my fingers where they want to be, you wouldn’t be dripping fucking wet.” I can feel her quake at my words. Running my hand from her neck to between her legs, her radiating warmth has my body buzzing with desire. “Tell me something honest?”

She moans as I palm her sweet cunt. “I–need...” She stutters, finding her words.

“Words. Use your words.” My voice is demanding. Applying more pressure as she arches her back.

“I can’t.” She’s defeated. I know she doesn’t want to give me any piece of herself, and that’s fine. I’ll show her what she’s missing and hope like hell she remembers just how bad she wants it too.

“My turn to tell you something honest,” I whisper in her ear, as my fingers slide above the top of her stretchy leggings. “This pussy has always been mine. Move me where you want me.” Her lips crash against mine, once more, as her soft hand falls on top of mine, pushing me down inside her leggings. My fingers slide down her soft, shaven pubic area, teasing her with each slow movement, until the tip of my fingers finds her clit. “Now, tell me you want this? Or do you want me to beg, Lil? Because I will. I’ll drop to my damn knees for you. Tell me.”

“I don’t know.” She places her hand on my chest, looking her in the eyes, and I slowly move my finger off of her. She presses herself into my availing hand, begging for more.

“If you want what your body is so begging for, you need to tell me. Use your words, because I told you I’d never force you, and the way your body is leaning into me, rubbing on me, tells me you do want this.” I move my finger, applying pressure. “So tell me to stop, Lilla. Beg me, because if you do want this, I’m done wasting our time.” Her lips stop my words, sliding her hand down mine, until her finger is placed on mine, as it waits, begging to slide in. With one push of her finger against mine, I sink my finger into her warm pussy. “Do you know what you want?”

“I don’t know….maybe.” Nice try, little liar. Pumping my finger in and out slowly, I can feel her tight cunt squeezing them, begging for more.

“Are you sure, because the way your pussy is gripping my fingers suggests you do know, Lilla. You can stop at any time, so what’s it gonna be?” I curl my finger inside her, moving it slowly in a ‘come here’ motion, sending her eyes rolling back. Our kiss intensifies, igniting that once-lit flame into an inferno, one I am never putting out. Tilting her head up, she looks at me with fire in her eyes, and I know I have her right where I want her.

Chapter 25

Lilla

His cock is rock hard, pressing into my thigh. Fuck he’s big. Sliding my hands around his tight torso and making my way under his work shirt, a charred wood smell invades the slight space between us. My fingers trace their way along his ribs, where I can feel his heart beating rapidly. I wish my body didn’t beg for his touch. Grabbing onto his sides, I quickly spin us around, pushing him against the wall, hard. He lands back with a thud and a devilish smirk. He is so fucking sexy. Slowly, I move my body in sync with the motion of his fingers, riding his hand, chasing my climbing orgasm. With each swipe of his tongue, he brings me to life. My hand slides over his erection, giving it a squeeze on the outside of his jeans. Remember why I’m here. Jace sucks in a sharp breath. His teeth scrape down my neck, kissing and sucking powerfully.

“Come on, baby, be a good girl and cum for me.” Sucking again, hard as his thumb rubs my clit, his finger works inside, hitting that sweet spot, until I can feel my body beginning to shake as the release threatens to explode. My mind finally catches up to my heart, yanking it back into the hole that’s been its home for all these years.

Just before my orgasm unleashes, I grab his hand firmly, stopping all movements. His eyes darken as his forearm flexes under my grasp. Slowly, I slide his hand out from my soaking panties, locking eyes with him. “I’ve given you more than you deserve.” Before I walk away, I grab his soaked fingers, watching the fire in his eyes, and I place them in my mouth, sucking myself clean from his tattooed digits. “You don’t get to know what I taste like.” I lean forward and whisper in his ear, “You don’t get to summon my moans or my orgasms. You know who does?” I pull away from him, his chest surging, and his deadly stare. “My vibrator, unlike you, it’ll stick around.” I watch as shock courses through him, and he follows me to the door. Making my way down the last step, he towers above me, his cock at eye level. Reaching my hand up, I grab onto him, firmly, “as you said, I can stop at any time.”

He drops his head back, looking up at the ceiling. With that, I leave him hot and heavy, and hopefully wishing he never left.

Jumping into my car, I let out a shaky breath. My body vibrates with need, relishing the way his hands glide over my skin.

The moment his lips hit mine, a thousand dreams flooded my mind, remembering everything I hoped for that night in my room, lying in his arms. As quickly as the dreams came, the voices came out raging, reminding me of everything Jace makes me forget.

Jace left behind a girl who was so lost, a slave to the voices in her mind. He left a girl who needed someone, who wanted nothing more than to be loved, fought for, to be enough.