Page 33 of End Of Never

I let Zeus down; speedily, he runs, jumping into Lilla’s lap. She snatches him up, giving him the greatest hug and kissing the top of his head. “Were you gonna save me from that big bad bitch, huh, buddy. Thank you for warning her, sweet boy.” He licks her face, making her laugh, “Good boy.”

Raising my eyebrows, I clear my throat, “I believe I was also a good boy.” I plant the biggest, most handsome smile on my face, and all I get is a head shake and no love. Damn, the dog gets everything. Free housing, food, and the girl. Woman stealer. I pull up the chair that sits in the corner, “See, he loves his mommy, don’t you, buddy?”

Lilla’s eyes lock with mine, then down at Zeus, rubbing his head, “Do you love your daddy, Zeus? Because at this rate, we will have to find you a new one.”

Falling back in my chair, “Zeus buddy, I’ve been shot with evil words, help. Save me, buddy, Zeus, I’m dying.” Lilla starts laughing as Zeus parks his ass right in her lap, simply watching his master fake his death. Seeing her smile because of me is a feeling I never want to lose. I scoot back up in my chair once I realize neither of them will save me. “So what time are we going tonight?” She sits up, letting out a loud laugh, not laughs, but laugh— just one loud ‘HAH.’ Also hurtful.

She shifts in her chair, “We?” I stand up from her chair, slowly moving towards her and watching her as she swallows hard, eyeing my movements.

Standing next to her, my thighs resting on her arm, grabbing her chin between my thumb and my finger, tilting her head up, forcing her eyes to meet mine. “Yes, we. There is no way I am letting you go anywhere near those people without me.” Leaning down, hovering my lips over hers, “I told you I’m not going anywhere. Whether you want to be mine or not, I am yours, Lilla Lane.” Lilla Evans. My lips stay hovering over hers, letting her make the call; her breath picks up as I hold my position, stealing her air and giving her mine. “You can kiss me anytime you want; it’s me who is scared to kiss you. I don’t want to push you, but I’m coming tonight.” I step back and take her in. A blush creeps up her cheeks, and her chest is rising and falling, and if I had to guess, there is a new slickness between those perfectly toned legs.

“Okay, you can come, dress nice. It is black tie after all. To be clear, I am going to piss off my parents. To draw as much unnecessary attention as I can. Can you help me with that?” I nod, “Let’s get Zeus looked at. You’re my last appointment, but apparently, we have to get ready for dinner.”

Stepping into the room across the hall, I scoop up Zeus, placing him on the table for Lilla. She starts by looking at his eyes and nose, then his gums. “He looks very dehydrated. Has he been drinking and peeing well?” Her eyes look concerned, making my chest grow tight, and my hands start to sweat.

“I think so, I leave him water out all day and night, but I’m gone a lot for work, and when he goes to the bathroom, he lets himself out through the dog door. When I'm home, I can’t say I see him drink much, but he is eating.” The rate of my heart speeds up with every word, every syllable. I can physically feel my heart crash against my chest. I start pacing the floor, while she looks him over.

“I think we should keep him for a bit, give him an IV for fluids, and I’ll also take some blood to check for infection or illnesses that I can’t see. However, it is more than likely due to his tapeworm. The medicine is giving him constant diarrhea, which should make him all good.” I hear what she is saying, but the words aren’t processed. My mind is flying a hundred miles an hour down a dark road, and I can’t stop the speed. Lilla’s hands wrap around my biceps, pulling me back from the road I constantly crash on. “Jace, he’s going to be okay.”

Shaking my head, trying to rid the memories, “Are you sure? I can’t lose him, not this dog. I didn’t think I even liked him. Honestly, I hated him; I thought I still did. But now…” Her fingers slide up and down my arm, easing my anxiety and heart rate.

“What happened?” Her ocean blues beg mine for honesty, and I want more than anything to give it to her. “You just saw me stand before my biggest secrets, one of the many reasons for my almost jump. You can tell me. This can’t be one-sided, but if you're not ready, I’m willing to wait until you are.”

Taking in a big breath, I look away, finding my words deep down in the places I don’t let myself go. “I lost someone right before we came here.” Swallowing audibly, she squeezes my arms, “A kid. He ran into an abandoned building that was in flames, after this puppy. And… we saved the puppy, but lost the boy.” I can feel myself on the verge of letting it out, the torture I’ve been slowly killing myself with. “I tried, I begged him, pleaded with God or whoever could grant my wish to bring him back, but there was no mercy. Yet, I tried harder, even after knowing the chance was zero; I didn’t stop. I couldn't. How could I? He was a boy who wanted to save this damn puppy, and in turn lost his life, the one I held in my hand for a moment, until his heart gave out, and his body went limp under me.”

The knot in my throat was breaking as my chin quivered. I bit the inside of my cheek, pushing down the emotions, fighting to set free. Sucking in a shaky breath, I finally open my eyes, not realizing they had been closed, and when I see Lilla, tears fill her eyes, as her bottom lip trembles. “I did try to save him, and every day I question if I had done enough, if I did everything right, and every day those questions don’t get an answer. It's torturous.” Her arms fly around my waist as she pulls me into her. She squeezes me like it will bring the boy back, holding me tightly, and when my arms come around her petite frame, I feel the slightest bit of relief.

Not in the sense that the pain is gone, in the sense that I don’t have to feel it alone anymore.

She turns her head to the side, resting her ear on my pounding heart, “You did all that you could, and at the end of the day, that is all we can do. You saved his dog; you love his dog. Don’t stop because it feels wrong. Do it because it’s right, and that sweet boy would have wanted you to.” Zeus starts zig-zagging between our legs, panting, and jumping on Lilla’s pants. She picks him up and gives him a big kiss. “Are you mommy’s boy?” Zeus licks her face like a wild animal, kissing her frantically as his tongue reaches her chin to her hairline at eighty miles an hour—Mommy’s boy. Heat fills my chest, pulling her back into me. My hand comes up to her cheek, rubbing my thumb against her cheekbone, “I want to kiss you so bad.”

“Be a good boy tonight, and you might get too.” She leaned her head into my hand, giving me a soft smile. “Thank you for telling me. I know that must have been hard, but I’m glad you did. The thing is, Jace, we aren’t the same people we were back then; we have lived without one another. We know who we used to be, but we need to find out who we are now. Now go get ready, and pick me up at seven.” What she doesn’t know is that I love who she’s always been, the girl with flames behind her eyes, the woman with the ability to bring me to my knees, and drop a match to the world around us.

I start to head out, stopping to give Zeus one last pat on the head, “Bye, buddy, I’ll see you later.” Turning to Lilla, who is standing and holding our baby, I gently kiss her cheek. “See you soon, My Phoenix.”

Walking out of the office, I feel her eyes on me. Passing her, my aftershave buzzes from her skin, mixing with her own vanilla scent. Loving the way the two combine, a signature scent of our future home.

My phoenix rose from the ashes, stronger, wiser, and brighter than before. A force with a light so bright she outshines everybody.

Chapter 29

Lilla

On the way home, I think about Jace and what he went through while he was gone. I remember the phone call and the honest heartbreak in his words when he told me he didn’t want to leave. It was the same tone he had today when he told me another truth.

Every time he opens his heart, the guard around my own lowers. He has the power to knock the wall down completely, but it also gives him the power to break what’s left of the fragile heart I’ve spent years protecting.

Ultimately, I am falling in love with Jace Evans. No matter how hard I try to push these feelings away, they only come back stronger. It’s like my soul is begging to be loved by him, to be seen with him, and his last name.

Tonight, we are just going as friends. He’s only coming to piss my parents off. That’s what I’m going to tell myself and him all night, until I believe it’s true.

After getting ready, I stand before my full-length mirror, taking in my outfit. My hair is down, in spiral curls, falling down my mid-back. Make-up is done to a T, after overly obsessing over it. The outfit was the easiest part. I opted for a long black off-the-shoulder dress with an open back. The low V in between my breasts shows the perfect amount of cleavage without giving room for a nip slip. The deep plunge ends just between my ribs, cinching in my waist, and the dress wraps tightly around my ass, showing off every curve. The right side has a slit in the fabric that starts at the bottom of my hip. Sliding on my black high heels, I am finally ready, dressed to impress and piss off.

At six forty-five, I hear Jace pull into my driveway. I watch him through the blinds like a nosy neighbor would. He looks elegantly handsome in his black tux. He steps out of the car, and my gaze drops to his dress shoes and dress pants that fit perfectly. Working my way up to his white collar that hugs his muscular neck, I take in the way his black suit jacket hugs his pecs, following down his black tie. He has cuff links on each arm, catching my attention as my porch light shines on them. The closer he gets, his silver watch shimmers as he presses his jacket down, before knocking.

Opening the door, his marble gray eyes assault mine, his sight drops, drinking me in, like his final drink of water. He clears his throat, swallowing hard, until a smirk forms, as I watch him struggle to find his words.

“You look exquisite. Shall we?” His hand reaches out for mine, sliding mine into his. His tattooed fingers run between mine, fitting perfectly in the grooves, like my hand belongs in his, just as my heart belongs to him, and that’s what terrifies me. How perfect we are together.