Page 4 of End Of Never

By the first year of high school, I accepted my reality. Home was a place of silence and twisted tongues that burned so many scars that I realized I could be a walking flame, and my parents still wouldn’t see me. I learned that school was a place where solitude could be found only in the bathrooms or in certain teachers' rooms, where bullies wouldn’t lurk too close.

The school year was almost over, and I was making it. I focused on my studies because I wanted to show people exactly what I could do, how I could figure it out, all on my own. When I wasn’t focused on my studies, I avoided Ava and her posse of friends.

Lately, Ava’s preoccupied with the new boy, Jace Evans. She always wants the freshest items or the latest obsessions. This time it’s him. Her attention is zoned in on the handsome guy with dark, shaggy hair, the one sometimes spotted behind the sports shed, sneaking a cigarette or smoking weed. He’s a year older than us, which alone earns her major bragging rights. Everyone at school knows exactly who Ava is aiming for, even him. I’d be lying if I said he wasn’t good-looking; he is. Not only does he catch Ava's attention, but he also catches the attention of girls across all grades.

Walking to class, Ava finds me in the hallway, just when I thought I was going to pass her unnoticed. Great. Her friends surround her, including her newest boy toy, struck by her ability to look and seem appealing. Of which she is neither. I move around her, creating a gap large enough that she can’t trip or push me, because this isn’t my first rodeo. My eyes scan the new guy before quickly looking away when I realize he’s looking right at me.

“Watch it, dirtball. You may wash your stinky ass now, but you’ll never wash away how ugly you are.” Her words spew out in a hiss, as her friends lift their hands to their mouths, smiling and giggling at the daggers she throws my way, each leaving their mark. Don’t give her power; walk away. I don’t dare look up as my eyes gloss over with unfallen tears, holding them back as best I can; she drinks them up like her favorite liquor. I will not feed the monster inside her.

Instead of pushing past her and fighting my way through the doorway to my class, I turn and run down the hallway, hearing her cackle insults as I run from her harsh words.

That was the first time I had met the new kid. And somehow, I knew it wouldn’t be the last.

The crazy thing was, Ava was the only one who had a problem with me. She was also the one person who could get under my skin. She was like a virus; every twisted word she spewed seeped into my blood, where it fed my insecurities. I knew I wasn’t stupid, or smelly, hell, I even knew I wasn’t ugly. I outgrew being that kid a long damn time ago. I’m at the top of my class, with a 4.0 GPA, and I even play volleyball, with great stats. I know the facts, but somehow her words latch onto the facts and twist them, making me believe maybe, in some twisted fucked up way, she was actually right.

The day was nowhere near over, and somehow, I knew in my gut that it was only the beginning. She had something new and shiny, or should I say ‘someone.’ She needed to prove to the newcomer that she was at the top. She made me the target of her own insecurities, using my own against me, making me feel like less than the shit on the bottom of her shoe in her efforts.

When lunchtime rolls around, I make my way over to the squad table and sit with my friends. Yes, believe it or not, they are actual, real people. Haley was already sitting, completely put off by my sudden disappearance. “Where have you been?” Taking a seat next to her, she knows without me even saying anything, “You have to stand up to her at some point, or she’s never going to stop.”

I nod in agreement. I know this; I know I need to figure it out, and I will; I always do. Setting my tray down, I join the others, and we all eat and talk about the upcoming game on Friday. Everything was going fine, until it wasn’t.

Suddenly, I feel someone standing behind me, but before I can move, a thick liquid pours down my hair, leaking into my shirt and making its way down the back of my pants. “Oops.” I know who it is the minute I feel the liquid. How can someone so loved be so cruel? Meanwhile, I’ve never felt an ounce of love from anyone but my best friend, and I try my best to be nothing but pleasant, even to her.

My entire volleyball team surges to their feet. Haley’s hands ball into fists, her body coiled like she’s seconds from launching herself at Ava. Spinning towards her, I know I’m going to have to hold her back. I stand and turn. “She isn’t worth it.” The words scrape out between my clenched teeth as my eyes lock onto hers, pleading, warning, silently begging my most loyal friend not to bash her teeth into the vinyl flooring.

Ava turns to Jace, the new kid, the hot older bad boy, who stands directly behind her. His eyes find mine, and when he speaks, with his low and rough voice, my body jolts. “Why are you wasting your time on her? What does she have that you don’t?” That makes Ava’s mouth explode into a vicious smile, as a blush blooms up her neck into her cheeks.

He made her day in one careless sentence.

And with the same breath, he crushed mine.

Chapter 6

Lilla

Age 16

“Come on, Lills, it’s the first party of our second year in high school, don’t you wanna come?” Haley smiles widely, begging me with her big smile and doe eyes. “Pleeeeaassseee, don’t make me go to another party alone.” Her plea is working because I’m caving.

“Fiiiinneee. Only because you begged me all first year, and I said, no.” The first year wasn’t my best year. Academically, I was doing great; socially, I was doing better than in grade school. Those years were terrible; if it wasn’t Ava picking on me, it was my parents. My dad still worked constantly on the road, and my mom still found no happiness in her life or in me.

Something I grew used to.

Haley pulls into my driveway. “Be ready by eight, I mean it.”

Her auburn hair sits in a high ponytail atop her head, swaying with her sass, as she demands my readiness: “Got it, be ready by nine.” I roll my eyes, she slaps my arm gently, and scoffs.

“I mean it, or so help me, Lilla, I will drag you out of that bed in your PJs.” Her deep brown eyes shoot daggers at me.

“I don’t doubt it; don’t be late.” I watch her smile grow. Stepping out of the car, Haley smiles from ear to ear. “See ya soon.” Slamming the door shut, she speeds away, more than likely flying home to try on a million different outfits.

The truth is, school has become my favorite place because of all the people around me. The second year is a step up from the first. Ava and her mean girlfriends are still bitches, and yes, they pick on me daily. Only I no longer cower at her harsh words; I let them roll. I pass her with my shoulders up and head high, because as Haley says, ‘Fuck that bitch, we don’t let assholes win.’ Haley has shifted my focus, proving everyone wrong. With that, I dove into studies, hoping to graduate as valedictorian, or at least with honors, and now I’m diving into my first party—the things I do for my best friend.

It’s 7:30, and I’m currently lying in bed wrapped in the towel from the shower I took two hours ago. What does one wear to a party? Going over to my closet, I look at all the choices, and there are a lot of them. Instead of being loved, I was thrown money for being an inconvenience. Money was supposed to be the job my parents didn’t want, and it was never enough. Designer this, top-of-the-line that, best clothes and shoes money can buy, because my parents have all the money, and no love.

I decided to go with my low-rise jean skirt and graphic tee, paired with wedges. My blonde hair is curled thanks to my Aussie Gel. The curl is holding perfectly, spiraling down to my collarbone. Quickly, I straighten my side-swept bangs, throw on some blue eye shadow and mascara, and I’m done just in time. At 7:59, my landline rings. I quickly grab the phone off the wall and tell her I’m on my way down.

Haley pulls onto a dead-end road, already lined with cars. “Sooo whose house is this, and how did we get invited?” Haley pulls down her visor, puckers her lips, and applies her cherry red lip gloss. Her painted-on jean shorts sit high on her thigh; a large, chunky white belt rests on her hips, paired with a pink V-neck tank top. Her hair is pin-straight, meeting the middle of her back. She pops her lips together, rubbing in the new color, then runs her fingers through her hair, before turning to me with the biggest grin.