Page 91 of Beneath the Quiet

“One day soon, I’m going to ask you to tell me what that scar means.”

She stiffens, her fingers brushing the edge of the scar before she drops her hand again. I can practically see the shutters slam down behind her eyes.

I hold her gaze. “I mean it, Maeve.”

“There’s nothing to tell.”

“I beg to differ.”

She takes a step closer towards me. For a moment, something flickers in her eyes, then it’s gone, her expression settling back into calm.

“You don’t get to decide how much of myself I share with you, Aidan. I do.”

“I respect that. But we’re friends, aren’t we?”

“Yes, but…”

“That means we share things.” I take a step closer to her and frame her face. “Even things that hurt to talk about.” I kiss her softly. “But don’t worry. I’m not asking for more than you can handle.”

“You sound very sure of yourself.”

“That’s because I know you can take it. I can feel it. You’re strong, Mae. Probably a whole lot stronger than most people. Whatever you think you have to keep from me? You don’t.”

Her nostrils flare. “This is not….We’re not…”

“We’re not what?”

She settles her hands on my chest. “We’re not together, Aidan. This isn’t a relationship, remember? You’re not supposed to care about me in that way, and the same goes for me. You know what? We need a proper set of rules for this. Where’s my phone? I need to write this down.”

I put my hands on her hips, drawing her attention back to me as I dig in my fingers. “We’re on the same page here, Mae. I’m not…” I purse my lips, grasping for the right words to say. “I’m not worried that you’ll break my heart because…”

“Because?”

My stomach churns with nerves, but now that I’ve lifted the veil of my past, I have to see it through. I owe it to her.

“I’ve already been lucky enough to have my one great love. I loved Tierney with everything I had. I gave her all of me, and I was blissfully happy for a time. When she was gone, and I had a wee child to take care of, I knew I wouldn’t find that again. I thought, ‘This is it. Your life isn’t yours anymore. It belongs to Katie now.’ And I’ve been content with it, and will continue making her my primary focus, because that kind of heartbreak is not something I can live through again.” I rub my knuckles over my heart.

She puts her palm on my cheek, her eyes swimming with compassion. Every single cell in my body whispers at me to let go, to give in and lean into her touch, but my head fights back.

So, I don’t.

I can’t.

“This is going to be the strangest friends-with-benefits arrangement in all of Ireland,” she whispers.

I smile down at her. I know I’ve won this round.

I rub my thumb on her cheek.

“If you need rules, I’m fine with it. Text me a list. If it’ll give you peace of mind, I’ll happily set your mind at ease. But right now, I have to go. Katie’ll be home soon.”

She claps a hand over her mouth. “Oh, my gosh, I’m so sorry!”

I frown down at her. “Why are you sorry?”

She shakes her head. “I completely forgot to ask how you were able to come over tonight. It’s a school night, isn’t it?” She gulps. “Please tell me you didn’t lie to her.”

I try not to let her concern for my daughter settle over me, but it’s hard to resist the cloak of warmth when it wraps me up in a cocoon like that.