Page 40 of Flawless

I could hear the conviction in his voice, and knew guys like Cam didn’t make commitments lightly.

“I know you do.” I swallowed the fear lodged in my throat and forced myself to admit, “I need you to be my rock because I’m really tired of doing this life thing all alone. And I want you to be my person.”

“I want that too,” he whispered.

“Good.” I closed my eyes, basking in the way he made me feel. Protected. Stable. Like the ground under me was finally shored up. “Now, I should get some sleep. I’m going to visit my mama tomorrow.”

“You sure you want to do that by yourself? Why not wait until this weekend and I’ll come with you.”

I loved that he was willing to sacrifice some of our time together to support me, but this was something I had to do alone.

“I love you for offering, but I really need to clear the air with her. And I should probably do that alone.”

“How is she, health wise?”

“She’s okay. Taking her meds, I guess. That should help.” I didn’t know if my mama had ever valued her life, but maybe this health scare put things in perspective for her.

“You, uh, told me you hadn’t been visiting her before her heart attack because it was a toxic relationship. I hope you don’t feel you have to put yourself through that again, just because of her health⁠—”

“That’s not why I’m going there tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

“I can’t move forward with my life as long as there’s this burden weighing me down. My childhood sucked, and my mama sure as hell wasn’t the parent I needed. But I need to forgive her for that.”

“Hmm, you just might be a stronger person than I am, sweetheart. Not sure I could forgive her.”

Cam didn’t know the half of it, but I didn’t see the need to paint him a picture of all the ugliness that was my childhood in gruesome technicolor. The broad, brush strokes were enough to give him a sense of the life I’d had back then.

“I’m not forgiving her because she deserves it. I’m forgiving her because I deserve to be free. I want to be free, so I can move on and have a healthy relationship with you.” I smiled when I considered the significance of this decision. “I guess you could say I’m doing this for us.”

“I love you like crazy, girl. And I’m so damn proud of you, for facing down your demons, and having the courage to fight for the life you want. I can tell you, having witnessed so many people in my career who’ve been beaten down by brutal childhoods, they stay down. They don’t have the strength to get back up and keep fighting, like you do.”

Hearing the pride in his voice stirred something inside of me. I’d had friends who told me they were proud of me, for my career success, but no one had ever told me they were proud of the person I’d become. So, hearing Cam say those words meant everything to me.

“Thank you.” I took a moment to collect myself before I said, “I wouldn’t be doing this if I hadn’t met you, you know. I probably would have continued stewing in my resentment. But meeting your family, and seeing you with them, changed me.”

“How?”

“I want what you have.” That admission made me feel so raw and exposed, but it also made me feel free and alive, because I was speaking my truth. “I want a family that loves hard and unconditionally.”

“I want to give you that.”

His words nearly broke me, in the best possible way. “I’m so glad I had the guts to proposition you that night.”

He laughed. “I am too, gorgeous. Good luck tomorrow. Call me if you need me.”

“I will, thanks.”

Just knowing that I had his strong shoulder to lean on, even from a distance, made anything I had to face feel bearable.

Chapter Fifteen

Rylee

My mama was in a medium security facility, so visits were conducted in a common room, under the watchful eye of guards. A brief hug was allowed at the beginning and end of the visit, but my mama had never tried to hug me, and this day was no different.

“What are you doing here?” she demanded, glowering at me across the table. “If you feel guilty because I almost died⁠—”