Page 115 of River & Rue

But wrong or not, selfish or not, my imperfect heart is louder.

I want to be chosen.

Forcing my features into a semblance of calm, I glance back at her. Draped in gold from the rising sun, her expression inscrutable, she’s never looked more like a goddess of nature—fierce, radiant, and remote.

But all I see is my Princess. My sweet Ruin. An incomparable masterpiece of wildness, fragility, and strength.

“I love my sister, Rue, but she has nothing to do with this. Only you can decide if I’m worth the risk. I meant what I said yesterday—I will catch you. But I can’t jump for you.”

Her stoic facade shatters. Nostrils flaring, hands curling into fists, she slides off the rock and stalks toward me. I brace myself, expecting her winds.

What I get is the full fury of her storm.

It hits me like a giant’s fist. Daggers of ice punch my chest. Whips of wind flay me. Hail turns me to pulp. I nearly stagger, locking my knees at the last second.

When she opens her mouth, I expect the same rage, but her voice is soft and smooth. The flat of a razor before it turns and cuts.

“You don’t understand, River. You didn’t grow up being taught you were wrong, that you’d never be loved unless you changed who you were. You didn’t have to fight tooth and nail every day to protect someone else from the same abuse. You didn’t fail.”

Quelling the urge to check my chest for a gaping wound, I gasp air into punctured lungs. She’s inches away now, her beautiful face twisted in pain. I try to reach for her, but my arms won’t cooperate. I can’t even say her name.

“I didn’t protect Teddy, and he died. All the magic in the world went with him. I kept going because I promised him I would, but I was failing at that too. Every day, more and more of me drained away—until Ivy found me and taught me how to live. How to be a part of the world again. I owe her my life. So yes, if she forgives me, and the price of that forgiveness is you, I’ll pay it. Even if losing you means losing magic again.”

Shock shreds my final line of defense, but the moment I stop protecting myself, everything changes. Her hail thaws to delicate snowflakes. Her gales soften to breezes. Then… nothing. A soft, drifting quiet.

The eye of the storm.

My head clears, and my pulse descends from run-for-your-life speed to the more manageable don’t-fuck-this-up.

I take a deep breath.

“You’re right. I don’t understand your pain. I can’t. But I’m here. I’m listening. You can tell me every truth, show me every scar, and it won’t change how I feel about you. Let me help you carry the weight.”

She stares at me for an endless moment, lips parted and eyes glassy. Then she blinks and looks away.

“I… can’t. Not right now.”

I wrap those three words around my heart like a bandage. Not right now isn’t never.

“That’s okay. There’s no pressure or expiration date on the offer. Thank you for explaining why Ivy means so much to you. And if you ever want to talk about King Theodore the Brave, I’d really love to know him better. So far, he seems like the coolest brother. Way cooler than Wilder.”

Her smile is small but real. “King Theodore. I forgot my LSD alter ego told you about that.” She lifts her gaze to mine. “I think you would have liked each other. You could’ve started a club of emo Pisces boys.”

I cough out a surprised laugh. “Wow. On behalf of myself and Teddy—rude.”

She shrugs, a tiny sparkle in her eye. “I never said I don’t like emo Pisces boys.”

I grin and reach out to tuck an errant tendril of hair behind her ear, then slide my hand beneath her braid to gently clasp the back of her neck. The slightest pressure brings her chest to mine. As I search her eyes, my smile fades.

“I don’t know your pain, but I do know what it feels like to be colorless and empty, and to keep moving forward without hope for what lies ahead. When Caleb died, I built a fortress around my heart, and I’m still crawling through the rubble of that choice. I haven’t let anyone see all of me—every last flaw—for a long, long time. It’s scary as fuck for me. So I’m sorry I said what I did about choosing between Ivy and me. That wasn’t fair, especially since I⁠—”

My throat closes as I’m struck by the memory I’ve been hunting for days. It unfolds in slow motion and excruciating detail.

My greatest mistake.

The pinch of Rue’s nails digging into my back yanks me out of the past.

“What just happened? You disappeared.”