Page 60 of The Golden Girls’ Road Trip

‘Where are you?’ I ask. ‘What’s the matter?’

‘I’m at home. I’m bleeding. I think I’m losing the baby.’

31

Two care facilities in twenty-four hours, except this time I’m in the beginning of life part of the system rather than the end of life. I vehemently hope this is the beginning of life still and not the end. Diana phoned ahead. She has consultant led care because of the IVF they’ve had. She was clutching her tiny baby bump on the way here and talking about what wonderful things they can do now to save premature lives while the tears flowed down her face, her teeth gritted against the discomfort. I kept my mouth firmly closed. She’s only twenty weeks and I’m pretty sure that’s not conducive with life outside of the womb.

I’m under strict instructions not to phone Simon. There’s nothing he can do, Diana has said. It was obvious she didn’t want him to worry. I didn’t want to phone him anyway. My one job was to look after his wife and growing child. So far, not so good. She took my hand as we walked inside the building and I squeezed it tightly – three times.

‘Everything will be fine, sweetheart,’ I had said, both of us accepting these new roles we’d been handed: me, caring mother-in-law and her the grateful daughter-in-law.

*

It’s been only ten minutes since we arrived, but still I’ve been pacing the waiting room, counting the birds sitting on the telephone wire outside the window and picking the skin around my nails. Alex has been forgotten for now.

‘Is it Diana Fitzgerald?’ a nurse asks. I turn away from the window and Diana stands up. ‘Do you want to follow me through?’ she says.

‘Shall I stay here?’ I ask Diana, but her answer is to take my hand again and pull me with her.

It should be her mother and father here, but I know she doesn’t have a great relationship with her parents, and they’re in Birmingham anyway. I’m the closest and it’s my job. She’d been trying to get through to me while I was phoning Alex. I hope I haven’t failed her.

Diana climbs onto the couch and begins to answer all of the questions that are asked of her. I hover by her side, not in the way, but near enough to take her hand if I’m needed.

‘Are you Mum?’ the midwife asks me.

‘Mother-in-law,’ I say.

‘Oh, that’s nice,’ she says, pressing a plastic device against Diana’s belly and moving it around.

The sudden whomping sound of the baby’s heartbeat is hugely comforting and I gulp back an emotional lump in my throat.

‘Heartbeat sounds good,’ the midwife says. ‘It is quite common to bleed during pregnancy, but we can check a couple of things with a scan. You haven’t had your twenty-week scan yet have you?’ She looks through Diana’s pregnancy notes as she says this.

‘No, I’m booked in for next week.’

‘Okay, well let’s do it now and we can save you another journey. I’ll get my colleague.’

‘Simon is missing this,’ Diana says, as the midwife leaves the room.

‘He’d much rather know you’re okay, though, love,’ I say.

‘Yeah, you’re right.’

This is not a phrase I’ve ever heard leave Diana’s lips, but I manage to keep my smile inwards. The midwife prepares the machine and I suddenly realise that she’s not out of the woods yet. That heart is beating, but there could be more to find. I take her hand and it’s so different from holding my mother’s yesterday. I’ll go back, I decide. I’ll go back once I have Diana settled. There’s more I want to tell my mum, much more I want to say. I suddenly very much want to give her those missing years.

The midwife returns with her colleague and they set up the machine.

The sonographer squirts gel onto Diana’s belly and picks up the probe from the side of the machine. She applies gel to the end before pressing it gently against Diana’s skin. She repositions and tries again while tapping the buttons on the machine. She has the monitor turned away. Without the sound of the baby’s heart to comfort her, Diana suddenly looks as worried as she did earlier. I hold her hand tighter.

‘Right, well, here is your baby,’ she says at last, turning the screen round so we can see. It takes me a moment to grasp what I’m looking at and then it’s clear. I can see the head and two tiny hands formed into fists. Then as she moves the probe we can see its spine and legs too. I am overcome with emotion.

‘Oh my goodness, Diana, your perfect baby,’ I say as tears appear on my cheeks. She’s crying too, through a huge smile.

‘I can’t believe it,’ she says. ‘Connie, I’m glad you’re here. I really thought I was losing it.’

‘Your placenta is lying a little lower than we would like, but that isn’t anything to worry about at the moment. It should move up as you grow over the next few weeks, but we’ll keep an eye on you. There’s a possibility you may have to have a C-section, but we will know in plenty of time and prepare for that. So, nothing to worry about now, and probably nothing to worry about at all. Do you want to know the sex?’

‘Oh, Simon should be here for this,’ I say. ‘I could step out if you want to know and tell him later?’