Page 61 of The Golden Girls’ Road Trip

‘No, don’t go. I do want to find out, but please stay. Why shouldn’t you get to know a little more about your grandchild?’

The sonographer glances between us both, undecided.

‘I can write it down if you’re unsure.’

‘No, I think we’ll find out thank you,’ Diana says, and looks at me with an expression that says: we need this.

‘All right,’ the sonographer says, rolling the probe back over Diana’s belly again. ‘I think if you look here…’

*

‘Do you want to come back to mine for a cup of tea, or do you want me to take you home?’ I ask Diana when we’re back in the van. ‘I think Simon would – no – I would like to keep an eye on you for a bit, if that’s okay. But, we can go to yours.’

‘I’d like to go to yours,’ she says. ‘Your flat is so cosy.’

This is the first time she’s ever said this. I always thought she looked disdainfully at my things. Have I got it all wrong?

‘Great, let’s go then.’

She smiles and nods, and then turns her head to look out of the window, her hand resting on her bump.

‘Are you pleased, now you know what you’re having?’ I ask her as we leave the hospital car park.

‘I’m thrilled,’ she says. ‘I mean, it shouldn’t matter, if the baby is healthy, but I am pleased, yes.’

‘I’ve been crocheting you a blanket,’ I tell her. ‘I’ll show you what I’ve done so far when we get back.’

‘Simon told me. That’s such a lovely thing to do, thank you.’

‘It needs a lot more work, but I collected the wool as I journeyed down the country. It’s got stripes from lots of different locations. I hope you don’t think it’s a mess.’

‘I probably will, but I’ll keep it to myself; we don’t want to spoil this new-found friendship, do we.’

I turn my head sharply to look at her, but am delighted to see that she’s grinning.

‘Had you for a second,’ she says.

At the flat, I fill the kettle and plump the cushions on the sofa for her. She settles down and I hand her the baby blanket.

‘Oh, Connie, I love it. You’ll have to tell me where all the wool came from. What a well-travelled blanket.’

I go back into the kitchen to make the tea. I’m feeling a bit twitchy about my mother. I really did want to go and see her, but I don’t want to leave Diana. I take the tea through and tell her I’m going to make a quick phone call, then disappear into the hallway.

‘Hello, I’m Elizabeth Fitzgerald’s daughter, just wanted to check in on her.’

The receptionist asks me to wait and I fiddle with the note from Alex on the table. Just the sight of it makes me feel sick. To think I’ve lost her again after all this time. I have so much I need to resolve and it would be so nice if I could tick one thing off my list, but I very much doubt Alex will be forthcoming anytime soon. To have Diana here and the two of us to be talking is wonderful, and I’m grateful for that, at least.

‘Constance Fitzgerald?’ A voice comes on the line and I screw up Alex’s note and drop it on the table.

‘Yes, I’m here,’ I say. ‘Just wondered how my mother is doing.’

‘I’m afraid I have some news, and it’s that she passed away ten minutes ago. We were about to phone your son. Two nurses were with her; she wasn’t alone and it was peaceful.’ The voice is gentle and soothing, but the words are deafening, devastating.

When I hang up I hover in the hallway and stare at the screwed-up piece of paper for a moment, thinking about Alex’s words on that note.

Connie, you haven’t changed a bit!

I walk back into the kitchen, my legs like lead, and stand for a second, looking out towards the sea through the window. It’s the only decent view I have from this flat. Seagulls are swooping down towards the beach and I can only assume they’re scavenging. Someone is going to lose their fish and chips. The sun is high in the sky and there is only the merest wisp of a cloud across the huge expanse of blue. I open the lid of the bin.