Page 65 of The Golden Girls’ Road Trip

‘Thank you for coming, Leo. I do appreciate it.’

‘Of course, why wouldn’t I come?’ he says and I remember that he’s here for Simon, of course he’s here for Simon.

We sit down together and I try to concentrate on the service, but I can’t get my head away from thoughts of Alex today. I have an enormous wish to have her by my side. I want to know what she’s doing and who she’s doing it with. Mostly I want to know why she left. Was it just supposed to mirror what I had done to her? Was she getting her own back? She must have been really spooked by Leo’s photograph. Of course, I do see how it looks, how it was. Ultimately I was cheating on Leo with her. That is what she’ll be thinking and she’ll be right, in a way. I try hard to brush it aside for now.

I reach out my hand to Simon and try to remember that this will be hard for him today. He had her in his life for ten years after all.

*

The burial is a brutal affair. The grass is sodden and the rain continues to fall. Luckily the church warden seems to have a stash of black umbrellas, which he hands to us as we file outside. I hold back a chocking sob as her coffin is lowered into the ground and Simon clutches my hand. After, we make our way to the pub that Simon chose, just a short walk from the church. We have arranged for a small spread laid out for the few who bother to come back, but most just have a quick drink and then disappear.

Leo moves in my direction and I pick up my coffee and meet him halfway.

‘Can I talk to you Connie?’ he asks. ‘Perhaps we could pop outside?’

‘Of course,’ I say, hoping that he’s not going to renew an interest in us.

We walk out to an enclosed area that is probably meant for smokers. There are patio heaters and fairy lights in jars on the tables, blankets on the benches for those chill evenings when you want to stay outside just that little bit longer. We’re the only two out here now. The rain has eased and there are just the occasional drops on the roof above us as we take a seat.

‘I just wanted to say that I’ve met someone,’ he says.

‘Right,’ I say, a little taken aback. This was not what I was expecting at all.

‘I met her at the garden centre near Fiona’s not long after you left on your trip and we hit it off immediately. She likes her home comforts, not keen on travel and she likes me very much,’ he says with a blush to his cheeks.

I open my mouth to say something and then close it again. All that agonising and those guilty feelings of wanting Alex so much while being tied to Leo who was actually happily making new plans of his own all that time. I could laugh, but I have that ache in my chest for what I’ve lost again.

‘I’m very happy for you,’ I say eventually, and I am, I really am, but a sudden wave of loneliness hits me. The loss of Alex, my mother and now, even though we weren’t right together, Leo too.

‘Are you going to be okay Connie?’

‘I will be absolutely fine. Thanks, Leo, for your honesty, and I really am very happy for you. Make sure you introduce her to Fiona.’

He laughs at that.

‘I have. They get on famously.’

I do wish he’d stop now.

‘What happened to your friend?’ he asks. ‘She seemed nice. She’s not here though is she?’

‘No, she had to go home; in fact, Leo, I’m going to find Simon and go home myself. It’s been quite a day.’

I say my goodbyes to him, wish him happiness and find Simon and Diana back inside.

*

The journey home isn’t nearly as bad now that the weather has cleared and we make steady progress back down south. I’m sitting in the back with the baby blanket on my lap, another row underway.

‘Connie, can I talk to you about Alex?’ Diana asks, leaning around in her seat to look at me.

‘Sure,’ I say tentatively, glancing at the back of Simon’s head as he drives.

‘Okay, well, to be honest, I told Simon about her.’

‘Simon knows about her already. He met her at the nursing home.’

‘I mean, really told him about her and what she means to you.’