Page 66 of The Golden Girls’ Road Trip

‘Oh,’ I say, quietly, glad for the distraction of my crochet and a reason to avoid Simon’s gaze.

‘I did wonder, Mum. There was such an intensity between the two of you. Is she the reason things didn’t work out with you and Leo? Is it because he’s a man? Because you have had relationships with men; certainly one man.’

Diana shifts in her seat and throws me a worried glance, but I shake my head.

‘I’m not really comfortable discussing my love life with my son,’ I say, reaching for a note of humour in my voice. ‘But, yes, I have had relationships with men in my time, as you know, and they’ve been great on the whole. And I thought Leo was a very nice man and we got on well and I probably would have married him if he hadn’t been looking for a replacement for Brenda. Luckily I saw that before it was too late. It wasn’t just that though. I thought I needed to slow up, to settle down, to become the woman everyone expected me to be in my old age, but I wasn’t being truthful to myself. I know you think a lot of him and I understand why. I guess you thought that I would love Leo as much as you do. We want different things though and I’m glad my eyes were opened to that fact, by Alex mostly. I realised how much I loved her, still loved her, and how much more myself I was when I was with her. It wasn’t ever like that with anyone else I’ve seen over the years and I don’t think it’s a gender thing, I think it’s an Alex thing.’

There’s silence for a moment inside the car. Simon indicates and pulls onto the inside lane. We’ve just passed a sign for services and I assume he’s planning on stopping.

‘That’s so heartbreaking, Connie,’ Diana says. ‘And, if I may say, for someone who isn’t comfortable discussing her love life with her son, I think you’ve done admirably.’

Simon drives up the slip road, pulls into a parking space, then switches off the engine. He turns round in his seat to look at me.

‘I do want you to be settled and happy – that is true,’ he says. ‘But not with the wrong person, or any person if you’re happier on your own. I did push the whole Leo thing, I know. He ticked all the right boxes for me, but that was silly really as I wasn’t the one marrying him.’

I lean forward, rest my hand on his shoulder and smile at him.

‘You were looking out for me and I appreciate that. For a time, I thought Leo was completely right for me too. He’s found someone else. Did you know?’

‘Bloody hell, he’s a fast worker,’ Diana says.

‘He’s found his Brenda replacement, hasn’t he,’ Simon says.

‘I wish him well,’ I say.

‘But, Mum, the thing is you have been reunited with the love of your life and finally, at the age of seventy, you know what you want. I think we need to do something about that.’

‘Like what?’ I ask him.

‘We need to find Alex,’ he says.

34

Grace Fitzgerald is born on a chilly Christmas Eve afternoon, while flakes of snow fall silently outside the hospital window. I’m sitting in a chair in the maternity ward with my granddaughter in my arms. She is wrapped in the blanket that I crocheted and just her face is visible from the folds of multicoloured layers. She is so beautiful; her tiny rosebud mouth is opening and closing in her sleep while she dreams about suckling. She has the faintest wisp of blonde hair like her mother. I tear my eyes away from her and look across at Diana, resting back on the pillow, serene, but exhausted.

‘She’s just gorgeous isn’t she,’ she says, and I can only nod in agreement.

‘She looks like you,’ I say, and Diana smiles. That’s how we talk to each other now. We compliment and we care. I’m so relieved.

It was a mad rush in the end. Diana went into labour two weeks early while I was helping her fold the baby’s clothes into the wardrobe in the nursery. Simon had spent the last few weeks decorating the room in a soft lemon colour as he wasn’t convinced the sonographer could possibly be one hundred per cent correct, and besides he didn’t want to project gender expectations onto his daughter. I’d never seen Simon so serious about anything before, but it was touching to see. The quality and colour of the carpet had been deliberated over for ages and it was interesting to see how neither of them cared about that when Diana’s waters broke all over it. They left immediately and I stayed behind to clear it up. And it was a good job they did go so promptly because Grace was born only three hours later.

‘What do you want to be called?’ Diana asks me, as I reluctantly hand Grace over to Simon who has his arms out eager to take his daughter. ‘Are you going to be Grandma like your brooch suggests?’

I laugh. The birthday gift seems a long time ago now; so much has happened.

‘Yes, I like Grandma. She sounds wise and kindly.’

‘Grandma Connie,’ Diana says. ‘So, Alex can be Granny then.’

‘What?’ I look across at her, surprised.

‘I’ve found her,’ she says.

‘Yes, my wife’s time has been well spent over the last couple of months.’ Simon perches on the edge of the bed and passes Grace over to Diana to be fed.

‘I couldn’t help but look for her after you told me what she meant to you, what she still means to you.’

‘It’s been four months now. If she wanted to get in contact she would. Her number is no longer in service. I think we’re probably done. Is she still in Scotland?’ I ask, despite myself.